Hello I believe I am very close to the first level of enlightenment, not so much hate and delusion left.
Well, i am very afraid of loosing control and do something stupid again so I will feel very scared and feel very miserable, very miserable.
I think I have been near the first level of enlightenment when I was a kid, but I didnt have the motivation to continue my practise, but I feel I have strong motivation becourse I know how hard the life can be and how miserable one can feel.
It feelt good to talk to you with that. Work out your own salvation. Thank you for a good forum.
one suffer because one hasnt existed long : )