Just some thoughts i'd like to share:
Today I had a discussion with a friend whether it's "okay" to sleep with people who are in a relationship. She argued that if the guy sleeps with another girl, it can take sexual pressure from the relationship and well – there is a point in that. Things can develop in different directions, so who knows whether sleeping with someone who is in a monogamic relationship will lead to suffering or to happiness?
Just now, i figure out that arguing that this bodily khamma, this action will have certain consequences is true – but i can't tell for sure which - there are too many factors to really know for sure and it always depends on the people involved. Does that mean that there there might be no unbeneficial consequences at all? No. Every action has an impact on the mind and in this case, the consequences can be seen. Actions like sex with others feed the sexual desires and cravings. Keeping sexual affairs a secret from a partner is a breeding ground for disharmony and mistrust. When there are no secrets and when there is no need to lie to a partner or willfully hide something – when there is just the truth and no skeletons in the closet, then this the most appreciable condition for a flourishing, loving and supporting relationship for the people involved.
Yet – instead of discussing problems with a partner, people want to believe that getting sexual relief with others is the solution to have a harmonious relationship.
"Maybe the secrets will not come out and maybe the partner will never find out about the things hidden in the closet" – so maybe there is no need for this ethical conduct one might still say.
But mutual trust, love and harmony in a relationship are qualities one should not easily endanger. Just like parents protect and care for their new born child, people in a relationship should protect and care for the good qualities and the value a good relationship can offer. People should protect and care for their relationship(s). They should care for developing the good qualities like trust, compassion and emotional support and avoid giving rise to bad qualities like distrust, doubt and hatred.
And i think that is the point. If one strongly cares about a relationship and the partner, there is no place for lightheartedly risking to hurt the partner or damaging the relationship.
What about the third party involved, the person who sleeps with someone in a relationship? „It's not my partnership, it's not my problem.“ - I can only imagine that upon experiencing how people in a relationship are so easily ready to abandon the qualities of partnership – that such a person will loose faith and respect for relationships and the potential they hold – and possibly lose trust in people in general, too. If you have no problem endangering other relationships, will you easily trust in your own? will you hold on to a relationship and work problems out or will you dump your partner rather sooner than later? How much can you care about your environment, the feelings of your loved ones, if you allow yourself to bring this amount of callousness to others? „It's not my partnership, it's not my problem.“
Well. It is your compassion and kindness towards all living beings, it is your peace with yourself and the world, it is your mind free of remorse that is endangered by your actions. Family, friends and strangers alike should be treated in a way that does not give rise to remorse, carelessness, hatred and greed. People complain about how there is no goodness in this world, how bad people behave and yet – they trample down every seedling of goodness they see without thinking about it. Goodness and virtuosity must be cultivated, these qualities don't grow in the fires of carelessness.
Would i sleep with someone who is in a relationship if the opportunity comes up? No, because i don't want me or others to burn in these fires. I don't want to risk letting people suffer and bleed because of my actions and my carelessness.Instead of taking such a risk for "quick fun", i'll take the chance to stand out as a pillar of virtuosity, of trustworthiness and blamelessness. I'll take the chance for goodness and actions, that unite people and strengthen harmony. Let's give rise to goodness. That's how i see it.