mirco wrote:There is porn. There is addiction. I don't know how many of you know actually know what it means to be addicted / to 'be' an addict. When people hear "porn addict", they tend to laugh, because it has got "porn" in it. When the same people her "drug addict" no one laughes. But basically it is the same. The same mental insanity, the same despair, the same road to death. If you don't understand what this means, then you are probably not an addict.
I don't want to take things too seriously, because that does not help. Condemning ones relapses does not help. Things happen. And things happen again. Just get back on the track and give it a fresh start. Remember, it is a stepwise training, like in any other aspect of the Buddhist training. One time will be the last time one did it.
P.S.: Same for ego-identification, which is an addiction, too. Actually all non-Arahants are addicts.
Without appearing conscious of it, most of us are addicted to one thing or another.... it could be a routine we have become accustomed to, and feel that if we break it, there is an offence to our sensibilities... like the gentleman who would take his dog for a walk to the park, every morning, at 06.30 on the dot, and on the return journey, would stop to buy a newspaper.
His distress was palpable when the newsagents closed.... and when his dog died, he actually asked, "What on earth am I going to do every morning, now?"
The 'withdrawal symptoms' were almost too painful to witness.
My point to the OP is that to demonise herself, her views and what she does, is counter-productive, and actually makes the situation worse.
Her addiction is not so much the problem; her attitude
to the result of her addiction, and her opinion of her worth, in her own eyes - are almost too painful to witness.
You will not be punished FOR
your 'emotions'; you will be punished BY
Pay attention, simplify, and (Meditation instruction in a nutshell) "Mind - the Gap." ‘Absit invidia verbo’ - may ill-will be absent from the word.
And mindful of that, if I don't respond, this
may be why....