'Come now, monks: with regard to women who are old enough to be your mother, establish the attitude you would have toward your mother. With regard to women who are old enough to be your sister, establish the attitude you'd have toward a sister. With regard to women who are young enough to be your daughter, establish the attitude you'd have toward a daughter.' This is one reason, this is one cause, great king, why young monks — black-haired, endowed with the blessings of youth in the first stage of life — without having played with sensual pleasures nevertheless follow the lifelong chaste life, perfect & pure, and make it last their entire lives.
manas wrote:Hi jordan,
so you see an attractive girl and lust arises. You then find yourself fantasizing about her. Well, I can identify the source of your problem: you are male. Welcome to the human race, my friend.
Seriously, I don't know your age but if you are a healthy young bloke, then having a strong sex drive is a normal and healthy situation, and rather than trying to squash, suppress or 'destroy' it, I recommend just learning how to be moderate with how you indulge in and express it. One way to 'cool' the fire a little, is to be in a relationship, in which there is mutual respect and love along with the lust - that way, it ceases to be all *just* about lust. It's not against the precepts for a layman to have a girlfriend, you know.
ihrjordan wrote:TheNoBSBuddhist wrote:When are you planning to ordain?
TheNoBSBuddhist wrote:ihrjordan wrote:TheNoBSBuddhist wrote:When are you planning to ordain?
If you have no intention of ordaining, I don't see this as a problem.
I see it as a natural urge experienced by young men/people who are curious about sexual connections, encounters and relationships.
You judge girls too harshly.
Yes, perhaps, you DO need to find a Buddhist girl with whom you can relate.
This will not guarantee, however, that she will be any less 'mundane' or that you will not be 'irritated' by her problems, even if she DOES practise Buddhism.
She is still a girl, after all.
Do not elevate yourself to feeling 'above her' simply because you are disinterested in what she has to say...
She has a life, she is entitled to lead that life, and she is entitled to believe that a young man showing interest in her will not simply be pursuing an outlet for his sexual desire, and that her life is of no interest to him.
That is what is happening;
I know, my friend was going through the same thing, although he is a devout Christian... the effect and objective were the same.
He grew impatient and intolerant of female company because they did not 'think on his plane' but he was looking for a young lady with whom he could enjoy a sexual relationship.
This is the problem, isn't it?
You wish to follow a Mindful and skilful Buddhist path.
You feel sexual/sensual desire.
You believe that in order to 'Master' your Self', such feelings should be subdued or repressed, but in doing so, Anger arises instead. This would more accurately be described as 'frustration.
so perhaps you should succumb to your perfectly natural and normal urges, and seek/find a young lady with whom you can enjoy a sexual liaison.
But this means developing a relationship, and most young ladies you meet, you evaluate as shallow, boring, mundane, uninteresting.
Obviously, you don't wish to merely "use" them for sex, so you separate from them, because your involvement is unskilful.
I feel for you.
rgb1 wrote:Hey, ihrjordan, just observe the thoughts and feelings when they arise. don't make it a problem. They are there because you have cultivated them in the past. When the lust arises allow it to and let it pass away. Don,t push it away or follow after it, just note it like anything else. They are just thoughts and feelings, see them for what they are when they arise, observe them objectively.
TheNoBSBuddhist wrote:Indeed. So there is no point in compounding the suffering further by restraining himself unnecessarily.
He is not obligated to observe celibacy. So why force himself to endure it without any need?
TheNoBSBuddhist wrote:Of course it's controllable.
if it were UNcontrollable, the women around you would be unsafe in your presence.
you contain and restrain yourself.
Dissipate the lust by whatever physical means you find appropriate.
But to say it is uncontrollable is clearly untrue.
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