Hitting on girls

General discussion of issues related to Theravada Training of Sila, the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
Miesco
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 3:40 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001

Hitting on girls

Postby Miesco » Mon Jun 16, 2014 5:29 pm

Hey, I don't think about sex or masturbate. I like the idea of not being attached to anyone but just being open and sharing with people in general. I like to go out of my comfort zone and I can't stop stopping girls and calling them gorgeous on the street or saying they are cute and striking up a conversation. It just gets me out of my comfort zone. I don't want anything from them, I just want to get out of my comfort zone a lot. Is this negative? Should I find another way to go out of my comfort zone? Should I even go out of my comfort zone? Let me know! :)
I went to a 10 day Vipassana retreat (while withdrawing from lorazapam, 2years ago). You are supposed to not react to pain but I was blocking it. I tensed something in my head and eventually I would not feel pain at all. I felt tension in my head for a couple days after. Now, every time I focus on my breath (in my nose) I get tension in my head (behind my forehead). It feels like I am subconsciously tensing a muscle or something in my head (behind my eyes). Sometimes the tension isn't as bad but I feel like I have conditioned myself to do something in my head every time I focus on my breath.

culaavuso
Posts: 1255
Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:27 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby culaavuso » Mon Jun 16, 2014 5:48 pm

Miesco wrote:I like to go out of my comfort zone and I can't stop...


One possible way to push beyond one's comfort zone would be to try stopping unnecessary behaviors that seem like they can't be stopped. Continuing to indulge in a compulsive behavior sounds like actually staying within one's comfort zone.

User avatar
Mkoll
Posts: 4163
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 6:55 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1006
Location: California, USA

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby Mkoll » Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:02 pm

culaavuso wrote:
Miesco wrote:I like to go out of my comfort zone and I can't stop...


One possible way to push beyond one's comfort zone would be to try stopping unnecessary behaviors that seem like they can't be stopped. Continuing to indulge in a compulsive behavior sounds like actually staying within one's comfort zone.

Definitely an interesting perspective to play around for you, Miesco.
Peace,
James

walkart
Posts: 136
Joined: Fri Dec 27, 2013 6:13 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby walkart » Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:23 pm

Miesco wrote:Hey, I don't think about sex or masturbate. I like the idea of not being attached to anyone but just being open and sharing with people in general. I like to go out of my comfort zone and I can't stop stopping girls and calling them gorgeous on the street or saying they are cute and striking up a conversation. It just gets me out of my comfort zone. I don't want anything from them, I just want to get out of my comfort zone a lot. Is this negative? Should I find another way to go out of my comfort zone? Should I even go out of my comfort zone? Let me know! :)


Your enemy is hidden in what you love.

You take delight in that you call "exiting your comfort zone", so the real exit from your comfort zone would be self restrainement from chatting with opposite sex.

User avatar
TheNoBSBuddhist
Posts: 1614
Joined: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:06 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001
Location: Loch Lomond, via the High AND Low road....

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby TheNoBSBuddhist » Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:41 pm

Have any girls, at any time, ever responded or reacted negatively?
Has every single girl you have stopped in the street and 'chatted up' been receptive to your advances?

(You may not view them as such, but please believe me when I tell you they would definitely see it this way and consider you are 'coming on to them'...)

I would find it very difficult to believe that the reply to my question would be 'no, never'...
:namaste:

You will not be punished FOR your 'emotions'; you will be punished BY your 'emotions'.



Image

Pay attention, simplify, and (Meditation instruction in a nutshell) "Mind - the Gap."
‘Absit invidia verbo’ - may ill-will be absent from the word. And mindful of that, if I don't respond, this may be why....

User avatar
Goofaholix
Posts: 2039
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:49 am
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 6
Location: New Zealand

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby Goofaholix » Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:54 pm

I agree with culaavuso it sounds like you've developed a comfort zone out of this.

If you want to get out of your comfort zone maybe you should try some of the renunciate practices or the dhutangas that the Buddha recommended. Look into how you spend your time and energy and whether it is fruitful.

Or alternatuively if you really want to get out of your comfort zone perhaps you could try "stopping men and calling them gorgeous on the street or saying they are cute and striking up a conversation."
"Proper effort is not the effort to make something particular happen. It is the effort to be aware and awake each moment." - Ajahn Chah
"When we see beyond self, we no longer cling to happiness. When we stop clinging, we can begin to be happy." - Ajahn Chah
"Know and watch your heart. It’s pure but emotions come to colour it." — Ajahn Chah

Miesco
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 3:40 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby Miesco » Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:06 pm

TheNoBSBuddhist wrote:Have any girls, at any time, ever responded or reacted negatively?
Has every single girl you have stopped in the street and 'chatted up' been receptive to your advances?

(You may not view them as such, but please believe me when I tell you they would definitely see it this way and consider you are 'coming on to them'...)

I would find it very difficult to believe that the reply to my question would be 'no, never'...

Well if I tell them they are gorgeous and then walk away it makes their day; if I tell them they are cute and try to strike up a conversation sometimes I get rejected, sometimes they are happy...
I have social anxiety so I am trying to go out of my comfort zone but this particular way of going out of my comfort zone scares me. I don't want to start thinking of girls as sex objects; I want to be compassionate.
If I don't constantly go out of my comfort zone I am afraid i'll lose my social skills and get anxiety again. I am just getting of my anxiety meds (benzodiazapines. eg: lorazapam) and the withdrawals are intense anxiety.

Lately I have been just calling them gorgeous and walking away and this is 100% positive responses.
I went to a 10 day Vipassana retreat (while withdrawing from lorazapam, 2years ago). You are supposed to not react to pain but I was blocking it. I tensed something in my head and eventually I would not feel pain at all. I felt tension in my head for a couple days after. Now, every time I focus on my breath (in my nose) I get tension in my head (behind my forehead). It feels like I am subconsciously tensing a muscle or something in my head (behind my eyes). Sometimes the tension isn't as bad but I feel like I have conditioned myself to do something in my head every time I focus on my breath.

User avatar
Mkoll
Posts: 4163
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 6:55 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1006
Location: California, USA

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby Mkoll » Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:27 pm

Goofaholix wrote:Or alternatuively if you really want to get out of your comfort zone perhaps you could try "stopping men and calling them gorgeous on the street or saying they are cute and striking up a conversation."

True dat.

:jumping:
Peace,
James

User avatar
seeker242
Posts: 296
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:01 am
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1006

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby seeker242 » Mon Jun 16, 2014 10:07 pm

Miesco wrote:Hey, I don't think about sex or masturbate. I like the idea of not being attached to anyone but just being open and sharing with people in general. I like to go out of my comfort zone and I can't stop stopping girls and calling them gorgeous on the street or saying they are cute and striking up a conversation. It just gets me out of my comfort zone. I don't want anything from them, I just want to get out of my comfort zone a lot. Is this negative? Should I find another way to go out of my comfort zone? Should I even go out of my comfort zone? Let me know! :)


Try sitting in meditation for 4 hours straight, you will definitely go out of your comfort zone! :rofl:

Or, for getting out of your comfort zone socially, you could try volunteering at some place that does good work and helps people, where you have to personally interact with the other people. For example, a homeless shelter or a hospice, etc. No possible way that could be negative. :smile: Or, you could join a "Toastmasters" public speaking club and give public speeches about meditation and Buddhism, etc. Public speaking usually puts people way out of their comfort zone!

rgb1
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 1:42 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby rgb1 » Mon Jun 16, 2014 10:36 pm


Miesco
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 3:40 pm
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby Miesco » Tue Jun 17, 2014 1:29 am

Thank you all so much. Your right. I want to approach people with the thought of compassion and this is not doing that. I will try and see if I can stop. Also thanks for the youtube video and the hospice. I am already in Toastmasters, going to do 10 speeches this summer. I have been having a hard time finding something to talk about and Buddhism and meditation are great topics to do speeches about now that I think about it. I was hesitant about making this post but glad I did!
I went to a 10 day Vipassana retreat (while withdrawing from lorazapam, 2years ago). You are supposed to not react to pain but I was blocking it. I tensed something in my head and eventually I would not feel pain at all. I felt tension in my head for a couple days after. Now, every time I focus on my breath (in my nose) I get tension in my head (behind my forehead). It feels like I am subconsciously tensing a muscle or something in my head (behind my eyes). Sometimes the tension isn't as bad but I feel like I have conditioned myself to do something in my head every time I focus on my breath.

User avatar
ihrjordan
Posts: 173
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2013 2:42 am
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby ihrjordan » Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:57 am

Goofaholix wrote:I agree with culaavuso it sounds like you've developed a comfort zone out of this.

If you want to get out of your comfort zone maybe you should try some of the renunciate practices or the dhutangas that the Buddha recommended. Look into how you spend your time and energy and whether it is fruitful.

Or alternatuively if you really want to get out of your comfort zone perhaps you could try "stopping men and calling them gorgeous on the street or saying they are cute and striking up a conversation."

post of the century :jumping:
"Ko imaṃ pathaviṃ vicessati, yamalokañca imaṃ sadevakaṃ.
ko dhammapadaṃ sudesitaṃ, kusalo pupphamiva pacessati"

User avatar
ihrjordan
Posts: 173
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2013 2:42 am
Which number is larger than 1000 and less than 1002: 1001

Re: Hitting on girls

Postby ihrjordan » Tue Jun 17, 2014 3:13 am

Miesco wrote:
TheNoBSBuddhist wrote:Have any girls, at any time, ever responded or reacted negatively?
Has every single girl you have stopped in the street and 'chatted up' been receptive to your advances?

(You may not view them as such, but please believe me when I tell you they would definitely see it this way and consider you are 'coming on to them'...)

I would find it very difficult to believe that the reply to my question would be 'no, never'...

Well if I tell them they are gorgeous and then walk away it makes their day; if I tell them they are cute and try to strike up a conversation sometimes I get rejected, sometimes they are happy...
I have social anxiety so I am trying to go out of my comfort zone but this particular way of going out of my comfort zone scares me. I don't want to start thinking of girls as sex objects; I want to be compassionate.
If I don't constantly go out of my comfort zone I am afraid i'll lose my social skills and get anxiety again. I am just getting of my anxiety meds (benzodiazapines. eg: lorazapam) and the withdrawals are intense anxiety.

Lately I have been just calling them gorgeous and walking away and this is 100% positive responses.

I can relate to this I was on depression meds and benzos for 2 1/2 years and suffered from horrible panic attacks and severe depression every day. I started meditating and now I'm off those med's aka zombie pills I still get panic attacks occasionally but I can live in them they don't bother me anymore and I'm no longer depressed. Just keep it in your head that you don't need those pills they don't actually solve anything they just cover it up I thought of them as very un-buddhist so I made it my priority to get off of them and now i'm living a good life. I know what people go through with those medications and I sympathize for you sincerely and I hope you can rid yourself of this burden once and for all :anjali:
"Ko imaṃ pathaviṃ vicessati, yamalokañca imaṃ sadevakaṃ.
ko dhammapadaṃ sudesitaṃ, kusalo pupphamiva pacessati"


Return to “Ethical Conduct”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Sam Vara and 2 guests