dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

General discussion of issues related to Theravada Training of Sila, the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).

dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby mario92 » Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:04 am

Hi have a question, i dont know if i should date a girl of 18, 4 years lesser than me, im 22, so is it a bad idea do take her to a movie or something like that? i say it because in one sutta the buddha explain that having a partner more young can be a cause of downfall because of jealousy. Can you explain me how and what cases are in this explanation?

thank you
;) Mario
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby robertk » Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:28 am

The Buddha explained a very old man takes a young woman (or women ) as consort/s but then worries that they might be ah, 'playing around' behind his back with younger cabelleros. The worry will cause him grief.

So the question is whether an ageing Romeo like you has the confidence to compete against the young studs..
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Reductor » Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:15 am

You should never, ever date a woman who is more than a week younger than you are.


I'm joking. If the two of you appear equal or similar in age and beauty, there isn't much reason to worry (except for the usual romantic troubles of course).
Michael

The thoughts I've expressed in the above post are carefully considered and offered in good faith.

And friendliness towards the world is happiness for him who is forbearing with living beings. -- Ud. 2:1
To his own ruin the fool gains knowledge, for it cleaves his head and destroys his innate goodness. -- Dhp 72

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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Bhikkhu Pesala » Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:48 am

The Parabhava Sutta says:
20. A person past his youth takes as wife, a girl in her teens, and sleeps not being jealous of her — this is the cause of his downfall.

You are not past your youth — not by a long way. Perhaps if you were 30 the age difference might be too much.
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby mario92 » Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:30 pm

thank you bhikkhu pesala, thank you also reductor and robertk :) :tongue:
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby lotus flower » Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:59 pm

Bhikkhu Pesala wrote:The Parabhava Sutta says:
20. A person past his youth takes as wife, a girl in her teens, and sleeps not being jealous of her — this is the cause of his downfall.

You are not past your youth — not by a long way. Perhaps if you were 30 the age difference might be too much.


and what if the person past her youth takes a boy in his teens....? what happens? the same?
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Bhikkhu Pesala » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:36 pm

lotus flower wrote:
Bhikkhu Pesala wrote:The Parabhava Sutta says:
20. A person past his youth takes as wife, a girl in her teens, and sleeps not being jealous of her — this is the cause of his downfall.

You are not past your youth — not by a long way. Perhaps if you were 30 the age difference might be too much.


and what if the person past her youth takes a boy in his teens....? what happens? the same?

I think the answer should be obvious. If a woman past her prime gets sexually involved with a young man or teenager, then she is liable to get jealous if a young woman shows her BF some attention.

There's no hard and fast rule about the age gap that works for relationships, but the Parabhava Sutta clearly says that the older person cannot sleep due to jealousy. That is less likely to be a problem if the couple are well matched.
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby lotus flower » Wed Oct 01, 2014 10:54 am

Bhikkhu Pesala wrote:
I think the answer should be obvious. If a woman past her prime gets sexually involved with a young man or teenager, then she is liable to get jealous if a young woman shows her BF some attention.

There's no hard and fast rule about the age gap that works for relationships, but the Parabhava Sutta clearly says that the older person cannot sleep due to jealousy. That is less likely to be a problem if the couple are well matched.


Venerable :namaste: is it all reason of the wrong doing? jealousy is impossible if a person meeting with the young girl or boy only sometimes and they don't walk to places so they are simply don't near to other persons. then how the older get jealousy?
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Cittasanto » Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:49 pm

mario92 wrote:Hi have a question, i dont know if i should date a girl of 18, 4 years lesser than me, im 22, so is it a bad idea do take her to a movie or something like that? i say it because in one sutta the buddha explain that having a partner more young can be a cause of downfall because of jealousy. Can you explain me how and what cases are in this explanation?

thank you
;) Mario

My partner is 6 years younger than myself and you are over a decade younger than me. A friend of mine has a partner who is over a decade younger than him. Age difference is not what matters, rather it is how the relationship is.
It isn't a bad idea, nor is it what the Buddha was probably referring too by more youthful than yourself. If you think she is out of your league just look at some of the celebrities who have partners that society deam far more attractive than them!

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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby thepea » Thu Oct 02, 2014 12:02 am

You can't jump more than two points!

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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Alex123 » Wed Oct 15, 2014 8:14 pm

robertk wrote:The Buddha explained a very old man takes a young woman (or women ) as consort/s but then worries that they might be ah, 'playing around' behind his back with younger cabelleros.



Very old man, like 80? Then yes, I see a problem. But even then, there is Hugh Hefner...
"dust to dust...."
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby mario92 » Tue Oct 28, 2014 5:24 am

Im not interessted anymore in a relationship of couple because most of the people here drink alcohol and i found it nonsense that kind of relationship because all the twisted things in it and its results. Drink alcohol makes you commit adultery and diminishes happinness and prosperity, so the most people here drink alcohol, these are alcohol relationship. I prefer to work towards tranquility and non shows life, i think if one go further in virtue onself can start to restrain the senses and practice meditation with sense wich means true tranquility. :) :D May be i would need some buddhist girl to have a relationship or maybe go further than sense pleasure.
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Cittasanto » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:42 pm

And you know what people do how exactly?
mario92 wrote:Im not interessted anymore in a relationship of couple because most of the people here drink alcohol and i found it nonsense that kind of relationship because all the twisted things in it and its results. Drink alcohol makes you commit adultery and diminishes happinness and prosperity, so the most people here drink alcohol, these are alcohol relationship. I prefer to work towards tranquility and non shows life, i think if one go further in virtue onself can start to restrain the senses and practice meditation with sense wich means true tranquility. :) :D May be i would need some buddhist girl to have a relationship or maybe go further than sense pleasure.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby mario92 » Thu Oct 30, 2014 1:21 am

Hi cittasanto i think, they do a relationship based in alcohol, shows and so on, evrey time i go with my family to a show or eat in a restaurant i found it in detrimental my spiritual practice, i see as i experience the bad results of doing that as a waste of time or nonsense. I dont know if this is the correct answeer to your question, i didnt understood it very well. Can you explain it please? :)
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:29 am

Well considering you make an assertion about others I wanted to know how you know. Like I suspected you are just guessing and making unfounded aspersions.
Many here don't drink and use every situation as a opportunity to practice.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Clarence » Thu Oct 30, 2014 9:03 am

General party rule of thumb:

Age divided by two plus seven. So, you are 22 /2+7=18 This works until a certain age.
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby SDC » Thu Oct 30, 2014 2:09 pm

Cittasanto wrote:Well considering you make an assertion about others I wanted to know how you know. Like I suspected you are just guessing and making unfounded aspersions.
Many here don't drink and use every situation as a opportunity to practice.


I think by "here" Mario is referring to the people he is around in his life not the people on DW.
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Re: dating a girl of 18 when i am 22

Postby Mkoll » Thu Oct 30, 2014 5:51 pm

SDC wrote:
Cittasanto wrote:Well considering you make an assertion about others I wanted to know how you know. Like I suspected you are just guessing and making unfounded aspersions.
Many here don't drink and use every situation as a opportunity to practice.


I think by "here" Mario is referring to the people he is around in his life not the people on DW.

Yes, the context makes that clear.
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