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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 9:33 pm
by manas
Thanks Bhante. :anjali: (I just read your name more carefully!). Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world', but I really appreciate that members of the Bhikkhu Sangha are here in this Forum to offer advice even about such difficult subjects as this one!

Regarding the mind finding satisfaction in the good rather than the bad, this is a gradual process for me, perhaps a lifelong one. Just as the Buddha says in the Dhammapada, my mind, due to the force of acquired habit (since time immemorial?) quite naturally and effortlessly glides towards sense pleasures (NO effort needed here!), but to experience the pleasure of meditation, effort IS needed! Waking up is hard to do, but now that the Buddha has shown me this much, just rolling over and going back to sleep seems a ghastly option...yet what the Buddha invites me to do (renunciation by seeing things as they really are) is difficult also. I'm sorry to sound like I'm complaining, it's just how I feel these days. (Btw I humbly bow to the Sakyan Sage, who holds up a Light for any who wish to see, and offers a Path to deliverance!)

Sincerely, 'manasikara'.

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 10:09 pm
by Monkey Mind
manasikara wrote:Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world'
Why not? That is not meant as a criticism, but only to convey that I did broach this topic with monks. The guidance I received was very inspirational.
:anjali:

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 3:12 am
by mikenz66
Yes, if you need advice on overcoming lust, monks are clearly one of the most useful sources for practical advice... :sage:

Though one of my teachers who ordained as a novice at about age 12 sometimes joked:
"There's no point in asking my advice about sex...". :tongue:

:anjali:
Mike

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 5:55 am
by Pacific
as I heard the other night in a discussion about this subject -- "it just doesn't lead to enlightenment" which is as good enough reason as one needs I reckon

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 4:02 pm
by nyanasuci
Hello,
manasikara wrote:Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world', but I really appreciate that members of the Bhikkhu Sangha are here in this Forum to offer advice even about such difficult subjects as this one!

In the Sangha of the Lord Buddha we do not have tabu topics (like in the Catholic monasteries). We are celibate and not born as saints, and therefore the theme about greed, hate and delusion is present here. The problem of our kilesas should be acknowledged and then one should seek for help from people who are skilled in the matter (which would be the Buddha, and other knowledgeable bhikkhus or bhikkhunis). So, do not feel intimidated when you approach a bhikkhu regarding problem of pornography or other tabu topics.

See also this video:


Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 6:14 pm
by Aloka
manasikara wrote:
PS, someone said that if it's a problem, 'just don't do it!' Respectfully, that's like telling an alcoholic or a smoker 'well just stop' and expecting that it's just that simple. You have to have been addicted to something on a chemical level to know how tough the process of freeing yourself is. At the moment of orgasm, dopamine and other neurochemicals get released in the brain, and an orgasm junkie is actually hooked on those chemicals, more than the physical sensation of about ten seconds duration. It's chemical, that's why its as tough as alcohol or smokes to give up.

I think that was me. I said ''Just don't watch it.''

With respect, one can give all manner of things up if one wants too strongly enough. I gave up smoking since I was 14, immediately, at the point I decided 'OK,thats it now. " I also gave up recreational drugs years ago in the same way.

I gave up having another boyfriend and sex (which I enjoyed) - just like that too - because I wanted to focus exclusively on Dhamma study and meditation in non-working hours.

You have to be determined ...and then just let the "addiction" go, with ease and relaxed optimism. :)

So, no, it doesn't have to be tough, it can be easy. It's dependent on one's mental attitude. No need to get mentally obsessed and attached...just meditate.

You have to make up your mind to stop watching the porn and replace that time with something non-sexual , instead of finding excuses to keep watching it.

The porn industry is known to be rife with crime and drugs and the sex they film is completely loveless and staged.

If its become a medical problem for you, then why not seek help from the medical profession ?

Anyway, hope you can find a solution and sending good wishes.

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 7:57 am
by nyanasuci
Even Pope Benedict XVI did give a recent comment on pornography:
Drugs, money, sex, pornography, alcohol ... these things are destructive and divisive.
(http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11333448" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;)

Image

;)

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 9:45 am
by Assaji
Hello,

These problems can be overcome with the help of proper tools.

The key resource needed to deal with any addiction is the time and space to reflect. In the case of porn, time and space between the thought and porn website.

Such a distance is provided by parental control services. I've found very useful the service http://www.opendns.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;. It can block a range of websites, according to selected settings, including also those websites which can compromise computer security.

Another viable option is http://www1.k9webprotection.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
(see the comparison at: http://www.techsupportalert.com/best-fr ... Filter.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; )

These services give you some time, and the rest is up to you.

Good luck!

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 8:13 am
by Moth
The moment of lust--a sudden shift of consciousness where we suddenly feel overwhelmed and out of our own control. In this state of mind it is quite easy to make illogical mistakes, which I have often done. The real skill is experiencing this state of arousal and simply not acting upon it, watching it arise and watching it fade. However if we identify with it, if we make it a condition of "our self" then we are likely to fall victim to it. Do not despise it, do not venerate it, simple be impassive towards it.

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 10:03 pm
by manas
Monkey Mind wrote:
manasikara wrote:Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world'
Why not? That is not meant as a criticism, but only to convey that I did broach this topic with monks. The guidance I received was very inspirational.
:anjali:
About that, I just meant that 'I would feel either 1.too embarrassed to mention it, or 2.would be concerned that I was 'stressing them out' with problems of lay life that they probably don't wish to have to recall or deal with (such as when married people ask for marital advice, which I would definitely not do - I would ask a skilled layperson instead, and leave the monks in peace!) For my part, I also meant absolutely no criticism of you at all, I was just referring to my own reticence in approaching monks these days.

I might add one thing though: When I first encountered Buddhism 20 years ago, completely and utterly green, I had several monks, some quite learned, show much compassion to me, allowing me to ask all kinds of questions (some of them quite silly) and patiently trying to guide me in the right direction. The irony is that now, those monks being now gone elsewhere (that's life), I am quite isolated in terms of Buddhist association (other than online forums such as this). I am not a very easy person to like or get to know, it seems. So my not visiting monks is so as to not disturb them.

metta. :anjali:

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 4:49 am
by Monkey Mind
I was afraid that if I asked the monks questions about drinking alcohol, masturbation, and pornography, my questions would trigger a relapse in sensual desire. What if I show a monk my new iphone, and he suddenly disrobes in pursuit of the latest gadgets! I discovered that their resolve was amazing! Who better to learn from when trying to control my desires. Besides, it seems that Buddha wanted the monks to be available to the laity.

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:49 am
by Khalil Bodhi
Dmytro wrote:Hello,

These problems can be overcome with the help of proper tools.

The key resource needed to deal with any addiction is the time and space to reflect. In the case of porn, time and space between the thought and porn website.

Such a distance is provided by parental control services. I've found very useful the service http://www.opendns.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;. It can block a range of websites, according to selected settings, including also those websites which can compromise computer security.

Another viable option is http://www1.k9webprotection.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
(see the comparison at: http://www.techsupportalert.com/best-fr ... Filter.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; )

These services give you some time, and the rest is up to you.

Good luck!
Sadhu! Thanks Dmytro, I'm going to give opendns a try. I've used k9 in the past and although it's somewhat effective it did block some sites that I needed to use for work. Metta.

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:24 am
by tiltbillings
I wrote this reply to a msg was deleted by the time I got around to posting it. Of course, the name has been withheld:
XXX wrote:. . .

"meditation beats masturbation"
"don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love"

But rather than get into contest with your lust, maybe try simply watching it, being with it, simply attending to the feeing of it without comment, without wanting it to stay or to go away. And it is at the moment when it stops that meditation "beats" masturbation. (There are way too many opportunities here for puns; I must behave myself.)

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:21 am
by manas
tiltbillings wrote:...it is at the moment when it stops that meditation "beats" masturbation. (There are way too many opportunities here for puns; I must behave myself.)
*chuckle* Yes, we need to stop; give our mind a good 'whack'; then get up, and put our hands to good use instead (performing wholesome kammas). ;)

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 1:00 pm
by Vepacitta
You could always set up a 'contest' like they did on Seinfeld ...