I have been experiencing Depersonalization Disorder for the last 3 years along with other psychological conditions such as Anhedonia, Depression...
The most disturbing of these symptoms is the experience of behaving against my will. My thoughts, feelings, actions work in a completely deterministic fashion that I have no control over.
I also experience Anatta and I have difficulty setting long-term goals and accomplishing them because I lack the emotional substrate.
Is there a way to "un-enlighten"? I would prefer to live in the state of ordinary consciousness with attachments and suffering.