Lack of Free Will and Anatta

Discussion of Samatha bhavana and Jhana bhavana.

Lack of Free Will and Anatta

Postby sentientbeing » Sun Jan 13, 2013 11:23 pm

I have been experiencing Depersonalization Disorder for the last 3 years along with other psychological conditions such as Anhedonia, Depression...
The most disturbing of these symptoms is the experience of behaving against my will. My thoughts, feelings, actions work in a completely deterministic fashion that I have no control over.
I also experience Anatta and I have difficulty setting long-term goals and accomplishing them because I lack the emotional substrate.

Is there a way to "un-enlighten"? I would prefer to live in the state of ordinary consciousness with attachments and suffering.
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Re: Lack of Free Will and Anatta

Postby James the Giant » Sun Jan 13, 2013 11:31 pm

Have you seen a doctor/psychologist about all this? And are you getting ongoing treatment? It sounds like you have, since you know your diagnosis.
Then,
saturated with joy,
you will put an end to suffering and stress.
SN 9.11
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Re: Lack of Free Will and Anatta

Postby sentientbeing » Sun Jan 13, 2013 11:59 pm

Yes, the diagnosis oscillates between Schizo-affective Disorder and Bipolar II Disorder. After trying different medications, the Bipolar mood stabilizers have been the most effective.
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Re: Lack of Free Will and Anatta

Postby James the Giant » Mon Jan 14, 2013 3:03 am

Sweet, just wanted to make sure. Some people ask similar questions here but have not seen a doctor first.
Then,
saturated with joy,
you will put an end to suffering and stress.
SN 9.11
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Re: Lack of Free Will and Anatta

Postby sentientbeing » Mon Jan 14, 2013 3:22 am

Thanks for asking!

The emptiness of mind is very apparent in this state, its almost as if my mind has expanded infinitely and phenomenon come into being and cease on their own, similar to the physical laws that govern space-time.
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Re: Lack of Free Will and Anatta

Postby Cittasanto » Mon Jan 14, 2013 7:23 am

sentientbeing wrote:I have been experiencing Depersonalization Disorder for the last 3 years along with other psychological conditions such as Anhedonia, Depression...
The most disturbing of these symptoms is the experience of behaving against my will. My thoughts, feelings, actions work in a completely deterministic fashion that I have no control over.
I also experience Anatta and I have difficulty setting long-term goals and accomplishing them because I lack the emotional substrate.

Is there a way to "un-enlighten"? I would prefer to live in the state of ordinary consciousness with attachments and suffering.

Hi Sentient,
I think your question is not to the right group of people, mainly because what you are experiencing isn't part of the practice per se, rather a medical condition.
Try talking to your doctor about referrals to psychotherapists or other professional experienced in dealing with this area they may send you to a MBSR type therapist or another better suited to the specific help you require.

Hope you find what you are looking for.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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