Getting over a bad past?

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Annapurna
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Re: Getting over a bad past?

Post by Annapurna »

Thank you, Sonzai, for replying to everybody. This is rare and I appreciate it for that reason even more.

:anjali:

BEST wishes.
beeblebrox
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Re: Getting over a bad past?

Post by beeblebrox »

Sonzai wrote:Thats my problem, My mind cant seem to let it go. I hear monks talking about letting go of the past all the time but I just have a hard time doing it. I might think ive finally got over it and let it go from a hour or so and then a memory comes back and its all back again.
I think that this version of "you" from the past is really going to stick around for a while... so maybe it might be helpful to see that this "you" isn't really here today, anymore.

You can try to view this "you" with some compassion. (Just like we would with anyone else.) Study its memories, listen to it, accept the reasons for everything that it did (including the lame ones), and how all of this has led to where you are today.

You can even forgive this "you" for its past... regardless of what other people would think... free that person, for once. Be someone who can stand for that person, without any problem. That would make it really happy. I think that's exactly what we should try to do for everyone else, who might be going through the same thing.

It's really all one big loop, everything the same... a cycle of countless "births," loads of suffering, all leading to the countless "deaths," absolutely no exceptions. Everyone really deserves to be free of that, the past "you" included.

:anjali:
dhammapal
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Re: Getting over a bad past?

Post by dhammapal »

I suffer from flashbacks and guilt. My latest idea when the flashbacks come is to say "I can't handle that!", recognizing that the flashbacks are external and I can't be expected to handle more than taking care of my present behavior.

Check out my forgivenessBuddhism Yahoo Group with >100 researched posts mostly on self-forgiveness.

With metta / dhammapal.
Lombardi4
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Re: Getting over a bad past?

Post by Lombardi4 »

Sonzai, you are a wise person:
A I 103 wrote:By three things the wise person may be known. What three? He sees a shortcoming as it is. When he sees it, he tries to correct it. And when another acknowledges a shortcoming, the wise one forgives it as he should.
You see your shortcoming as it is, and you are trying to correct it.


Change is always possible:
Dhammapada 173 wrote:He, who by good deeds covers the evil he has done, illuminates this world like the moon freed from clouds.
Explanation: If the evil habits of behaviour of an individual get replaced by his good behaviour, he will illuminate the world.

( http://www.buddhanet.net/dhammapada/d_world.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; )



Also, please read this sutta — http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Here's an excerpt:
SN 42.8 wrote:"A disciple has faith in that teacher and reflects: 'The Blessed One in a variety of ways criticizes & censures the taking of life, and says, "Abstain from taking life." There are living beings that I have killed, to a greater or lesser extent. That was not right. That was not good. But if I become remorseful for that reason, that evil deed of mine will not be undone.' So, reflecting thus, he abandons right then the taking of life, and in the future refrains from taking life. This is how there comes to be the abandoning of that evil deed. This is how there comes to be the transcending of that evil deed.

"[He reflects:] 'The Blessed One in a variety of ways criticizes & censures stealing... indulging in illicit sex... the telling of lies, and says, "Abstain from the telling of lies." There are lies that I have told, to a greater or lesser extent. That was not right. That was not good. But if I become remorseful for that reason, that evil deed of mine will not be undone.' So, reflecting thus, he abandons right then the telling of lies, and in the future refrains from telling lies. This is how there comes to be the abandoning of that evil deed. This is how there comes to be the transcending of that evil deed.


You're not a robot, an angel, an Arahant (an Enlightened one), a God or a saint. You are a human being. That's what human beings are like — imperfect. You're not evil or bad, you've just made some mistakes. None of us are perfect, and all of us have done things we're not proud of. Cheer up! You are a lovely human being!
fragrant herbs
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Re: Getting over a bad past?

Post by fragrant herbs »

Sonzai wrote:Hello, this is my first post here I've been thinking about this for days and finally decided to make a post about it. I'm 18, Ive looked into Buddhism off and on for 2 years and only recently begun to seriously look into it.

What do you do if you have been a bad person? I'm not quite sure from what Ive read on Theravada Buddhism if there is anything to do?

Ive done a lot of bad stuff since I was a kid. Some very serious things that I regret a lot. Lately Ive just been trying to suppress the memories mostly, because every time I remember them I feel sick with myself and full of guilt. Sometimes its unbearable when I remember it all. I told a friend I was looking into Buddhism and he simply laughed and responded "You're too bad to be a Buddhist" I feel like hes right sometimes, Buddhism is about reaching enlightenment but I think to myself how could I ever reach that after all the pain ive caused.

So, what do I do to make up for what ive done in the past? How do I move on from it all and be a good person?
I have done really bad things in my past too, but we have to let our past not rule our future. When I joined a Buddhist group in California I told the monk that I felt guilty and not good enough for Buddhism because of my past, and he said:

"That is because you don't know who you are."

That was all I needed to hear at the time. I am not sure if you understand that since you are new to Buddhism, but somehow I understood it even though I was new. And this doesn't mean that it is easy letting it go. I left that group and Buddhism for a while, and now I have a new teacher, and I think, "What did I do to deserve having such a good teacher? If he only knew my past, and sometimes when I write him about things that bother me I think, "This is going to end it for me. He will reject me." But he doesn't, and so I just strive on trying to be a better person and letting go of the past.

And when I look at it all it was only a few years of my life that I was not doing what was right, and here I am 68 and can say that for 65 years I have not been a bad person, but it is hard letting go.
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Bluishpurple
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Re: Getting over a bad past?

Post by Bluishpurple »

I think most people have done things in their past that they wish they hadn't, I certainly know that I have. From what I understand it is best not to dwell on our mistakes but to try and forgive ourselves and move on and progress spiritually and as a person, that Kamma will 'sort out the rest' as it where.

Bluishpurple
:namaste:
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Annapurna
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Re: Getting over a bad past?

Post by Annapurna »

fragrant herbs wrote:
And when I look at it all it was only a few years of my life that I was not doing what was right, and here I am 68 and can say that for 65 years I have not been a bad person, but it is hard letting go.
You mean you only did bad things before you turned three?
rowyourboat
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Re: Getting over a bad past?

Post by rowyourboat »

Can I say 'thank you' for this thread- I have learnt things here.
:anjali:

with metta

Matheesha
With Metta

Karuna
Mudita
& Upekkha
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