Begginer with confusion inside myself

[Stop To Think]

Hi everyone, forgive me if I sound silly saying this but I seem to be in a battle with my brain so to speak.
I am very interested in Buddhist ways, and I am keen to walk this path and I am currently simplifying all I have read and learnt lately, and paring it back to trying to abide by the eightfold path and the five precepts as a place to start in everyday life.

My problem at this moment though, is that my "intellegence" (and I use that term VERY loosely lol) keeps suggesting to me that I am faking it, that there is no real point to this because in the end, we all just die. Full Stop.
I believe in Kamma, the whole cause and effect idea and what not, but I am having issues, fighting with my own mind, about fully trusting or believing in everything because I feel at times like a fraud. As though I am trying to hard to be something.

Do any other people have this begginers doubt in themselves? I think I have overloaded my self with books and websites on Buddhism and have confused myself, perhaps I need a teacher to point the way?
I want to be free of this doubt, but perhaps it is my way of needing more knowledge, but I guess at the moment everything I am learning is self taught through books and the internet etc, I feel a bit aimless and, well, lost.

Anything anyone can do to help me will be greatly appreciated, again I apologise for such a newbie issue.

[Goofaholix]

Overloading yourself with books and web sites is bound to fuel doubt so yes having contact with a teacher will help.

What's imprtant either way is that you sit down and look objectively at your own mind, how it operates, how it causes problems for itself. It really doesn't matter much whether you believe all that other stuff or not, if you can find an environment (teacher, retreat) that will support you to sit down and look objectively at your own mind you'll start seeing the fruits of practise.

[Dan74]

Hi Stop to Think,

As far as I can tell, the Buddhist path regardless of the school, starts with a resolution to take an honest look at one's life, take responsibility for one's thoughts and actions and strive to do better both in relation to oneself and others around you.

In practical terms, it is taking small practical steps to live a more wholesome life, curb bad habits and develop positive constructive habits in their place. Throughout it all contemplate how things change constantly, how everything is inter-related and nothing is in and of itself. You, me, our computers and the incredible networks of wires and radio signals make this communication possible. The eyes, the brain, the living consciousness with which we are endowed, the people who have taught us to read, etc etc so much has gone into this small interaction already...

I find reflecting on this teaching to be a profound practice in itself. And reflecting on it, I see my part in making my life what it is, even as it is an ever-changing flux with so many different factors.

The Middle Way is a gentle way with an effort that is neither lax nor tense, reflecting but not navel-gazing, going deep for insight but not neglecting one's responsibilities whatever they are. But the foundation is always a wholesome life - starting a day well and ending it well. This can take some time, if the bad habits are old, and it will take patience and perseverance.

_/|\_

[Bodhisurfer]

I thinkthat getting the support of a teacher would be invaluable however I dont think you need to 'beleive' in everything or anything at first. Give it a go. What have you to lose? The 5 precepets for example. Regardless of religion, how could living your life by avoiding killing, stealing, lieing, sexual misconduct and drugs be a bad thing? thats got to be good for you -and everyone around you

Meditation. Again regardless of religion. Its a wonderful thing. To sit and conciously develop loving kindness, for example. Even if the Buddha was a complete fabrication of someones imagination -to sit and develop love for yourself and everyone else has to be a great thing. Likewise for vipassana

Do i beleive everything I'm told just because I'm told it or because its 'Theravada'? Certainly not. Maybe there are 31 realms(?) or the Buddhas bowl really floated up stream at this stage of my practice it doesnt seem important, I can see very clearly how it makes my life better

I think in the Kalapa Sutta(?) the Buddha gives a set of criteria to judge his(or anyone elses) teachings against -works for me

Good luck on your journey

[kirk5a]

Hi everyone, forgive me if I sound silly saying this but I seem to be in a battle with my brain so to speak.
I am very interested in Buddhist ways, and I am keen to walk this path and I am currently simplifying all I have read and learnt lately, and paring it back to trying to abide by the eightfold path and the five precepts as a place to start in everyday life.

My problem at this moment though, is that my "intellegence" (and I use that term VERY loosely lol) keeps suggesting to me that I am faking it, that there is no real point to this because in the end, we all just die. Full Stop.

If you're in a doubting mood, why not doubt that? You have to admit you aren't certain that "Full Stop" is really what happens when we die.

I believe in Kamma, the whole cause and effect idea and what not, but I am having issues, fighting with my own mind, about fully trusting or believing in everything because I feel at times like a fraud. As though I am trying to hard to be something.

Well if you're trying hard to be something, you aren't looking at things right. It's more a matter of just seeing how things are, rather than becoming something.

Do any other people have this begginers doubt in themselves? I think I have overloaded my self with books and websites on Buddhism and have confused myself, perhaps I need a teacher to point the way?

Since you suggested it, that's probably true.

I want to be free of this doubt, but perhaps it is my way of needing more knowledge, but I guess at the moment everything I am learning is self taught through books and the internet etc, I feel a bit aimless and, well, lost.

I hear ya. Just when it seems pretty straightforward and clear, along comes someone on the internet typing out a lot of Pali words and making a lot of points about which they seem awfully certain, and then it's right back into the fog.

Anything anyone can do to help me will be greatly appreciated, again I apologise for such a newbie issue.

I don't think the issues you raise are just for "newbie's" actually and even if they were, no apologies necessary.

[lojong1]

It is a big deal because every newb-, non-, backsliding-, and devout-buddhist below stream-entry could use a good prodding in this area.
What do you think you might be faking exactly?
Apannaka sutta is about the N8P being a bunch of bull for people who could otherwise hack up neighbors in the basement or some such thing.
There are the Four Thoughts that Turn the Mind towards Dha*ma, which also take much 'now' exploration. Some presentations touch me, others don't.
But that's all more confusing reading...and it is a really personal one-on-one thing. Every small successful change makes a difference. "Work with the greatest defilements first."
Good teacher, good idea, good luck.

Bodhisurfer's "kalapa sutta(?)" is the kalama sutta.

[Bodhisurfer]

[quote="lojong1"

Bodhisurfer's "kalapa sutta(?)" is the kalama sutta.[/quote]

thanks