My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

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My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby Mawkish1983 » Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:23 am

Just thought I'd like to make a little announcement. I've been practicing Theravada Buddhism for nearly a year now (a year in March) and, for the first time EVER, my wife has allowed me to have a religious icon in the house. When I was a Christian for a few years she wouldn't even let me display a Bible on the bookshelf (I think she was ashamed or embarrased). For a year I've been practicing Theravada Buddhism and now my wife has allowed a statue to be displayed (see attached picture).

Home shrine stage 1.jpg
Home shrine stage 1.jpg (7.93 KiB) Viewed 846 times


I know it's not much, but it means I can begin to move my shrine from work to home. It also means that my wife is taking my practice seriously now :) which can only be a good thing.

So, with my home shrine, I plan to get some lotus flowers, some incense and some tealight candles to decorate it a little more (right now it's a little bland). The statue itself is REALLY cheap, but as I say, it's a start! I might also display some of the dhamma books I have (but I don't want to flood the house with stuff to make my wife change her mind).

So, anyone have any suggestions how I can decorate the shrine to make it look a little nicer? I'll see if I can get a picture of my work 'shrine' too in a bit.
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby genkaku » Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:28 pm

Looks nice enough the way it is ... but that's just me. :)

And, for what it's worth, I once had a friend -- a very good friend -- who loved baseball. His grandfather had managed a major league team as had his father. Bill loved baseball as much as his father and grandfather.

Baseball always bored the socks off me. But Bill didn't expect me to love baseball and I didn't expect baseball to bore him.

After all, we were friends.
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby Mawkish1983 » Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:42 pm

genkaku wrote:Baseball always bored the socks off me. But Bill didn't expect me to love baseball and I didn't expect baseball to bore him.


Understood :) That's why we've got on so well thus far :)
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby Tex » Wed Feb 04, 2009 4:20 pm

Mawkish1983 wrote:So, anyone have any suggestions how I can decorate the shrine to make it look a little nicer?


I like minimalism myself. My altar is a small wooden television stand. On the two interior shelves are the Dhamma books, candles, incense burners, and a small glass vase. On top sits a simple bronze Buddha statue on a block so as to be raised up slightly above whatever else is being burned or offered. But when not in use, the statue is the only thing on top of the altar. Very simple, but I like it.
"The serene and peaceful mind is the true epitome of human achievement."-- Ajahn Chah, Living Dhamma

"To reach beyond fear and danger we must sharpen and widen our vision. We have to pierce through the deceptions that lull us into a comfortable complacency, to take a straight look down into the depths of our existence, without turning away uneasily or running after distractions." -- Bhikkhu Bodhi
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby Placid-pool » Wed Feb 04, 2009 5:55 pm

Well congratulations - I know how you feel - the Old Feller and I have been together for 14 years now and he has always wanted to distance himself from my beliefs. However ............ when the Jehovah's turned up the other day, he very pleasantly told them that this is a Pagan household and so we wouldn't want their literature, thanks anyway. Wow - even that is a huge turnaround!
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby jcsuperstar » Thu Feb 05, 2009 12:35 am

my exwife never had a problem with me being a buddhist, the only thing she ever said about it was she was glad i was a real buddhist, that it wasnt embarrasing like as if i was some new age guy or something.

ive had girlfriends since that have thought it was cool, and wanted to know more about it, and some who didnt last long who thought it was either some weirdo thing or scary devil stuff.

i have the feeling or at least hope that this girlfriend will be my last, she was an accident, i was living at my temple meditating and planning on moving to india to ordain when we met, i convinced a bunch of the thai lay people to stay for a weekend take 8 precepts and meditate. i fell for her like i've never fell for anyone. it was scary and i'm still almost 6 months later lost and confused by the whole thing.
สัพเพ สัตตา สุขีตา โหนตุ

the mountain may be heavy in and of itself, but if you're not trying to carry it it's not heavy to you- Ajaan Suwat
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby retrofuturist » Thu Feb 05, 2009 12:45 am

Greetings JC,

Why India?

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby jcsuperstar » Thu Feb 05, 2009 3:51 am

retrofuturist wrote:Greetings JC,

Why India?

Metta,
Retro. :)


because i want to go there, to see all the pilgrim sites, and theres thai temples at all of them and all the monks i hang out with were monks in india so i've got the sweet hook ups
สัพเพ สัตตา สุขีตา โหนตุ

the mountain may be heavy in and of itself, but if you're not trying to carry it it's not heavy to you- Ajaan Suwat
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby zavk » Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:49 am

Placid-pool wrote:.... when the Jehovah's turned up the other day, he very pleasantly told them that this is a Pagan household and so we wouldn't want their literature, thanks anyway.

:smile:


My partner did the same once. She's not a Buddhist but she has no problems with me being one. In fact, she appreciates Buddhist perspectives on many things; but for some reason she doesn't feel inclined to tread the path. She was, however, more than willing to tell the Jehovah's, 'No thanks, we are Buddhists.' For some reason they seemed taken aback, as if the idea of someone being a Buddhist was foreign to them. My partner shut (not slammed) the door before they could regain their composure.

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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby Placid-pool » Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:24 am

Yes, Zavk, that crossed my mind too - but seeing as my husband wears the Moon Pent I bought him years ago all the time (and yes, that could be because it was a pressie from me) and he joins in my celebrations ....... maybe he is a closet Pagan tentatively opening the door and peeping out. Whatever, it was nice that he wasn't embarrassed to say it.
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Feb 05, 2009 9:43 am

Hi JC
this story sound familiar very similar thing happened to me about 8 months or so ago.
making plans to join a monestary then BAM met someone who was/IS perfect in every way.

jcsuperstar wrote:my exwife never had a problem with me being a buddhist, the only thing she ever said about it was she was glad i was a real buddhist, that it wasnt embarrasing like as if i was some new age guy or something.

ive had girlfriends since that have thought it was cool, and wanted to know more about it, and some who didnt last long who thought it was either some weirdo thing or scary devil stuff.

i have the feeling or at least hope that this girlfriend will be my last, she was an accident, i was living at my temple meditating and planning on moving to india to ordain when we met, i convinced a bunch of the thai lay people to stay for a weekend take 8 precepts and meditate. i fell for her like i've never fell for anyone. it was scary and i'm still almost 6 months later lost and confused by the whole thing.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
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Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby Mawkish1983 » Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:56 pm

... Update:

I've been saying for a while that I'd like to go vegetarian (as much as possible... having considered long and hard many sides of the argument I've decided it's something I'd like to do). My wife, who is a big fan of meat, has resisted the idea for ages... until yesterday. Yesterday she said she'll see if she can go veggie with me. I don't know what (if anything) prompted her to change her mind, but she did say she knows "how seriously I take this whole Buddhism thing"... to which I replied "It's not a 'Buddhist' thing per se" (yes, I do talk to my wife like that) "it's just something I feel I should do".

Anyway, the point is my wife was (and is) prepared to make changes to her diet to help support decisions I make about MY diet on the grounds of religion (whether she understands my motives or not).

I think that's cool.
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby Fede » Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:25 pm

That IS cool.
And if ever there was a good and practical lesson and example, on how we should best "lead by example" rather than resort to preaching, proselytising or verbal persuasion, this would be it....

Good one, Mawk....
My partner is on Facebook, and has declared his religion as Buddhist.
That surprised me.....

It's too long-winded for here, but trust me, if you knew him, you'd raise an eyebrow a millimetre or two, as well......
But it seems that the old adage "soflee soflee catchee monkey" is a suitable one! :tongue: :jumping:
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


http://www.armchairadvice.co.uk/relationships/forum/
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Re: My wife is now taking my practice seriously... hurrah!

Postby BubbaBuddhist » Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:35 pm

I think what may be happening, friend Mawkish, is when you practice diligently for a while, you change. People around you notice these changes. You're more serene, focused, calm, There's "something" you have that people see as a desirable quality, and it arouses their curiosity. It also helps when they see that you don't go crazy or join a cult. :lol: They would like to try it for themselves, or at least see if maybe the process that brought about all these positive changes in you might work for them. I think this is a terrific way to get the word out about the Buddhadhamma; much better than philosophizing or intellectualizing: show that it works by example.

Maybe this is what's happening. I know this happens to me a lot. I hardly ever talk about Buddhism, but people quite often ask me how it is I'm so calm. I see this as an open door to introduce them to the Dhamma.

J
Author of Redneck Buddhism: or Will You Reincarnate as Your Own Cousin?
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