Prayers for SATTVA

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cooran
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by cooran »

Good to hear Sattva! Getting there - slowly but surely. :hug:

Much metta
Chris
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
Jampabutterfly
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Jampabutterfly »

Prayers headed your way! :buddha1:
sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

First of all, i want to thank manasikara and Chris for their recent posts and say an especially warm hello to an old friend Jampabutterfly. It was good to see you after so long. I wish that we still lived close enough to say hello in person.

Upfront i am going to say that i am down. I went to the pulmonary specialist today and he has ordered more tests to be taken on August 4th and i won't see him again until August 31st. My sister is angry. I am just deflated as i see myself becoming weaker and the heart surgery gets postponed indefinitely. You might remember that the cardiologist wanted the bypass surgery done in 2 weeks and that was on June 7th. Because i will have to be cleared by this lung specialist and i don't see him again until Aug 31st, i can see this dragging on for 3 months or more from the date the cardiologist wanted.

Today, when they took my oxygen level it was 86. I would qualify for oxygen by my insurance company. One of the tests he wants performed has to do with checking oxygen and gases in my blood. He also wants a respiratory test, and more chest x-rays in different positions (i am going to glow in the dark when this is all though). I guess he is trying to figure out the best way to treat me.

Right now, i am suppose to use an inhaler more often while i wait to take the tests. Anyway, i am thinking of pulling the plug on these updates and only writing if i actually have a date for the surgery. This is starting to feel like a never-ending saga or a long whine....

love to you all
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Ben
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Ben »

Hang in there Louise, we're all gunning for you.
Its not a never ending whine and it is natural to feel down as a result of what you are going through.
Continue with your practice, may it be your anchora salutis (anchor of salvation).
Wishing you a speedy and full recovery.
with Metta

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

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sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

Thanks Ben :hug:

Since that post, i have been listening to a talk, Compass of the Heart by Tara Brach, that i downloadedaded (the 53:42 minute one). Somehow it feels like just what i needed right now. :anjali:

http://dharmaseed.org/teacher/175/talk/13416/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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octathlon
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by octathlon »

Hi Sattva,

Please continue with the updates so we won't be left wondering how you are doing. We are wishing the best for you. :group:

This sounds like such a frustrating situation, not just the physical problems but also dealing with the health care system and the long waits to see the doctors.

There is no way to know what is going to happen, and speculating on various possibilities generates more stress and maybe depression. Glad you are listening to dhamma talks as an excellent way to fight against that!
Dhajagga Sutta wrote: i. Whether in forest or at foot of tree,
Or in some secluded spot, O monks,
Do call to mind that Buddha Supreme;
Then will there be no fear to you at all.

ii. If you think not of the Buddha, O monks,
That Lord of the world and Chief of men,
Then do think, O monks, of that Dhamma;
So well preached and leading to Nibbana.

iii. If you think not of the Dhamma, O monks
Well preached and leading to Nibbana;
Then do think, O monks, of that Sangha,
That wonderful field of merit to all.

iv. To those recalling the Buddha supreme,
To those recalling the Dhamma sublime,
And to those recalling the Sangha,
No fear, no terror will make them quiver.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .piya.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

Thanks octathlon and here is the update you requested.

Today i went for testing.
There were breathing tests, an arterial blood gas test, and 4 chest x-rays.
The breathing tests were about the same as they were last year (which was one of the reasons i got disability), meaning not good. The arterial blood gas test showed lower than normal oxygen levels. It is at a level where it showed i need additional oxygen. Then he had me walk up and down the halls with a monitor clipped to my finger showing my oxygen level. It went down to 83. It went back to the normal range when i sat down. Then he had me breathe in oxygen while i walked and it stayed in the 90's. He said i need amblitory (sp) oxygen.

i had a mini meltdown because i feel like i am being able to do less and less for myself and becoming a burden to my family. Next, i had go across the street to have the x-rays taken. I had 2 standing up and 2 lying down on each side. I was able to wait for some results and found that the pleural effusion has increased in the right side. There was a note by the radiologist to follow up with my doctor.

Because i had had an appointment to get the dressing changed on my foot before all the testing, I had been at the medical center from 8:40 in the morning to almost 1:30 in the afternoon. I went home, got something to eat, did a few errands and then decided to call the pulmonary doctor's office and see if i could get an appointment earlier than the 31st.

I explained that i had finished the testing and that had been told to follow up with the doctor and could they call me if there was a cancellation before the 31st. The person i spoke to explained that the doctor was with a patient, but she would call me back after she talked to him. This was at 4 pm. I got a call back from her about 15 minutes later. She said the doctor was very upset that the radiologist had not called him and that i had been allowed to leave (He said this after looking at the results of the tests).

She explained that he would have wanted me to have the right side tapped again immediately if it could have been arranged. Now, she said, it was too late as the person who did the scheduling in that area had left for the day. Even though the woman who called me wasn't suppose to work the next day, she planned on going in for an hour or so and she would try to arrange something. She didn't think she would be able to get me in tomorrow (I suppose she would have had to talk to the schedular today to do that), but if i had trouble breathing, i should go to the emergency room. I said that i always have trouble breathing lol. She said it again and then added that if i felt worse or strange to go to the hospital.

Right now, i think i am okay, though my left leg is badly swollen because i haven't been able to put up my legs today. Anyway, the respiratory therapist or whatever he was, believes all the breathing problems stem from the problems with the heart. The fluid retention is the same. The heart is causing symptoms. The symptoms need to be eliminated so i can have heart surgery and improve health. Yet, because of the cardiac problems, I can't get well enough for the surgery i need. As a friend put it, it is like a dog chasing his own tail.
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Modus.Ponens
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Modus.Ponens »

We're here for you sattva. :group:

I hope it turns out well.
'This is peace, this is exquisite — the resolution of all fabrications; the relinquishment of all acquisitions; the ending of craving; dispassion; cessation; Unbinding.' - Jhana Sutta
sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

Modus.Ponens wrote:We're here for you sattva. :group:

I hope it turns out well.
Thanks, MP
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

Metta!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

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Prasadachitta
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Prasadachitta »

:anjali: May you be well and at peace SATTVA
"Beautifully taught is the Lord's Dhamma, immediately apparent, timeless, of the nature of a personal invitation, progressive, to be attained by the wise, each for himself." Anguttara Nikaya V.332
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DNS
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by DNS »

Sattva,

May you be well!

Thanks for your concern about the people in the Horn of Africa!

http://www.dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=9131" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

In spite of all of your own health problems, your concern has been for the people over there!

Sadhu!
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Tex
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Tex »

Much metta to you, Sattva!

:group:
"To reach beyond fear and danger we must sharpen and widen our vision. We have to pierce through the deceptions that lull us into a comfortable complacency, to take a straight look down into the depths of our existence, without turning away uneasily or running after distractions." -- Bhikkhu Bodhi

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." -- Heraclitus
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Aloka
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Aloka »

Lots of metta and good wishes for your health, Sattva :hug:
sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

Thanks everyone!

I did get a call today and was told if i could come out to the hospital immediately they would be able to drain the fluid. They took 1000 ml from the right side and 400 ml from the left. You always cough some afterwords as your lungs immediately begin to expand, but i am already breathing better.
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