kareniel wrote:But something unexpected happened last winter, ...
kareniel wrote:A part of me wants to ...
kareniel wrote:I would like to hear your thoughts on this. I am not taking this matter lightly, and don't want to rush this decision to regret it afterwards.
I also think that this is a good opportunity to discuss the moral repercussions surrounding this topic relating to the Buddhist doctrine.
Another case would be divorce for the sake of ordination. It also applies to friendships and family relationships.
What are your thoughts?
kareniel wrote:I've been considering renunciation for a few years now. Month after month, I worked delicately at detaching myself from worldly pleasures, contenting myself with less and less, and maintaining a profound joy and confidence. Practice has been very rewarding, and it seemed as though most obstacles have been cleared for me to go forth in the homeless life.
"...having seen the drawback of sensual pleasures, I pursued that theme; having understood the reward of renunciation, I familiarized myself with it. My heart leaped up at renunciation, grew confident, steadfast, & firm, seeing it as peace."— AN 9.41
But something unexpected happened last winter, during a period when I didn't practice regularly, and indulged in intoxicants. I grew fond of the person I was living with. I am currently in a relationship with this beautiful, kind and compassionate woman who is very dear to me. We've been dating for a few months. She has two kids and takes care of them alone. I was not careful and have said things that generated expectations from her. As I am practicing more and more, getting back on track, my goal comes back to the surface and I've come to see this relationship as a hindrance. I am now in front of a situation and choice I never thought would happen.
A part of me wants to leave her, although she is very dear to me, and go into preparatory retreats for a few months before approaching a monastery for ordination as an anagarika.
Another part of me sees this as very neglectful of her feelings and irresponsible, as though I was engaged profoundly in something that was beyond me. It would be hard for to find peace knowing that I have broken someone's heart and given the dhamma a bad reputation at the same time.
In times of doubt one may be receptive to opinions of others and seeking those. But one should never take those as basis for one's own decisions.
Retreat or ordination are no protection against "unexpected somethings". There are many who decide to ordain and then disrobe later, i.e. who experience "unexpected somethings" while being ordained.
Your desire has changed yet again, and you wish to browse some other pasture. What happens when you find that pasture does not satisfy either?
Regardless whether you go forth or not, I would suggest you put the brakes on your romance with this woman, as you are not yet mature enough to take on the responsibilties that come with serious relationships.
I feel blessed that we found each other.
Thank you some much for sharing your experience. It gladdens me to hear such a story of success and happiness. Does your husband follow a particular path? Do you have common friends who put forth spirituality in their lives?
Could monastic life, or the idea that we may have of it become the object of passion?
Claudia wrote:And he often said, he doesn't know why he lifes in this world - if he could decide, he never would like to be born, again.
kareniel wrote:Could monastic life, or the idea that we may have of it become the object of passion?
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