Prayers for SATTVA

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cooran
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by cooran »

This is good to hear, Sattva. Hope things improve quickly and you are able to have your surgery. :group:

with metta
Chris
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

Thanks again everyone for the prayers and support.

The History of my problems:
For those who haven't read the whole thread or just a refresher for those who don't remember it all. I was found to need quadruple bypass surgery on June 7th and the cardiologist wanted it performed in 2 weeks. I was told i had a silent heart attack somewhere in the past and had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure a few months earlier. I met with the heart surgeon who was concerned about my kidney functioning which was down. This led to visits with a kidney specialist. While there he discovered i had asthmatic bronchitus and pneumonia. Even with antibiotics they couldn't seem to get me well and i ended up in the hospital for a few days receiving intraveous IVs and they drained my pleural cavity which was filled with fluid.

Since then, even though I have been diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease, the numbers have stabilized and the kidney doctor cleared me for surgery. However, now i have a pulmonary doctor and after going through testing and x-rays, they had to drain me again.

The Current Situation
I saw the pulmonary doctor on Wednesday. My sister met me there and between the two of us we knew we would ask some hard questions as there is still no surgery in sight and we all have been feeling that we're just spinning our wheels. The doctor answered as honestly as he could and it was a lot to take in.

I am a time bomb. Yes, he really dis say that lol. He said that he couldn't "clear" me for surgery but just assess the risks. My respiratory function is down. They prefer not to do surgery on anyone under a 1 and they definitely won't do it on anyone lower than a .75. Right now, i am a .83. At some point, he wants to do more testing, i believe. I'm sorry but it is something of a blur. One of the concerns is that if they did the surgery i would end up permanently on a respirator. Personally, I won't have the surgery done if they the risk of it being permanent is high and i don't think they will do the surgery either. He sent me for more x-rays afterwards and it showed that there was more pleural effusion (fluid in the pleural cavity) but that it wasn't as bad as last time. At this point, no one has called to say that they want to drain me again and so they may wait to see how it goes. We came away feeling that there is no real answer at the moment, but it looks slimmer that they will be able to do the operation. He didn't seem totally hopeless though.

Just a few minutes ago i did get a phone call from the heart surgeon's office. Apparently, the pulmonary doctor spoke to him and the heart surgeon is going to have me in (on Sept 12) to assess the recent tests. I don't have a good feeling about this. I hope i am wrong.

Even though i am somewhat weaker than i use to be, i feel stronger than i think many people feel. I don't look feeble or fragile. Some people say my voice is strong. I will be 58 in a few months. I try to remind myself even strong people can die. My grandfather died while working in the fields.

If traditional medicine gives up on me, i will try some alternatives and am already starting to think about changing my diet more. I am getting close to a point where i have nothing to lose. I meditate daily, but i plan to try to meditate more. The hardest part was calling my son to tell him the latest news which i did this morning.

There you have it. I want to use a smilie or something to make this lighter :toilet: :tantrum:
or appear wise
:sage:

"Let's go out in a blaze of glory. All good things must end" :guns:

Really, it just is what it is. We do what we can under difficult situations and try not to push away or embrace, try not to give up or to fight at all costs. It is always the middle ground, isn't it?
http://www.chatzy.com/25904628501622
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Ben
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Ben »

Take care of yourself Sattva.
You're in our thoughts.
with metta

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

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BubbaBuddhist
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by BubbaBuddhist »

Aw I'm sorry sattva, I hope everything turns out for the best.

M4
Author of Redneck Buddhism: or Will You Reincarnate as Your Own Cousin?
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tiltbillings
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by tiltbillings »

sattva,

What you are going through is unquestionably, undeniably terrifying. There is no easy answer, no quick fix to the possibility of death that is looking back at you when you look in the mirror, making itself known when you feel your body aching in way that tells you things are not quite right, if not deadly wrong.

Let me recommend to you a Buddhist inspired book that may help. It is by Stephen Levine, who before writing this book did a lot of work with the dying. The title is WHO DIES? It is well worth spending time with it no matter how your medical issues play out, and like all here I pray that you have many more years ahead. But in the meantime, taking this book, you can read a bit here, you can read a bit there, or you can read it from cover to cover. It is at times a challenging book; it has some wisdom; and it can offer you some comfort, and it may help. I can offer you nothing better.

tilt
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723
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kirk5a
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by kirk5a »

An offering directly to you from the Buddha himself:
Seated at one side, the householder Nakulapitaa said thus to the Exalted One: "Lord I am a decrepit old-man, aged, far gone in years. I have reached the last stage of my life. I am sick in body and always ailing. It is rarely that I get the opportunity to see the Exalted One and those monks whose very sight is edifying. Let the Exalted One admonish and instruct me, so that it will conduce to my weal and happiness for a long time to come."

"True it is, true it is householder, that your body is sickly, soiled and cumbered. For, householder, who would claim even a moment's health, carrying this body about, except through sheer foolishness? Wherefore, householder, thus you should train yourself: "Though my body is sick, my mind shall not be sick." Thus, householder, must you train yourself."
Please read the rest at the link so that Ven. Sariputta can explain this in detail to you personally.

excerpt:
"Herein, householder, the well-taught noble disciple, who discerns the noble ones, who is skilled in the doctrine of the noble ones, well-trained in the doctrine of the noble ones, who discerns the good men, who is skilled in the doctrine of the good men, well trained in the doctrine of the good men, regards not form as self, nor self as having form, nor form as being in self, nor self as being in form. He says not 'I am form'; he says not 'form is mine'; nor is he obsessed with that idea. That form of him who is not so obsessed, changes, becomes otherwise, but owing to the change and transformation of form there do not arise in him sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... passage-16" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
"When one thing is practiced & pursued, ignorance is abandoned, clear knowing arises, the conceit 'I am' is abandoned, latent tendencies are uprooted, fetters are abandoned. Which one thing? Mindfulness immersed in the body." -AN 1.230
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octathlon
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by octathlon »

sattva wrote:Really, it just is what it is. We do what we can under difficult situations and try not to push away or embrace, try not to give up or to fight at all costs. It is always the middle ground, isn't it?
I think this is a very good attitude. I'm also glad to hear your kidney function is now better and deemed sufficient; that is a positive development. Metta to you and best wishes for good health to return. :heart:
Mawkish1983
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Mawkish1983 »

I just saw this thread and I really do feel for you Sattva. I don't know what to say. You're in my thoughts. I hope things improve so that you can have the surgery and recover.
sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

Thanks everyone for the well-wishes, advice, and links. I will let you know after the 12th what i learn from the heart surgeon. :anjali:
http://www.chatzy.com/25904628501622
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Modus.Ponens
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Modus.Ponens »

Hello sattva.

Did you get my PM?

Metta.
'This is peace, this is exquisite — the resolution of all fabrications; the relinquishment of all acquisitions; the ending of craving; dispassion; cessation; Unbinding.' - Jhana Sutta
sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

Modus.Ponens wrote:Hello sattva.

Did you get my PM?

Metta.
i checked my inbox and i don't see anything from you MP :shrug:
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retrofuturist
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings Sattva,
sattva wrote:Really, it just is what it is. We do what we can under difficult situations and try not to push away or embrace, try not to give up or to fight at all costs. It is always the middle ground, isn't it?
:sage:

May you be protected by the Dhamma.

Metta,
Retro. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
sattva
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by sattva »

:sage:

May you be protected by the Dhamma.

Metta,
Retro. :smile:
Thanks, Retro.


Went to the heart surgeon's today. After discussing my concerns and his concerns, we set a date for Sept 28th for the surgery. I was told it is possible for it to be changed by a day or so at the last minute if an emergency with somone else occurs; and of course, i have to be as well as i am now for the surgery to take place.

The doctor's biggest fear is that i will end up permanently on dialysis. My biggest fear is that i could end up permanently on a respirator and he mentioned that i have to be prepared for risks. Of course, he meant that there is more chance of me dying with my health issues. We had discussed that previously, but we both know i will probably die of a heart attack or stroke soon without the surgery.

Actually. I am surprised he is willing to perform the operation, but he knows I have only the option of trying to postpone death awhile longer or aceepting death sooner, but he has been very adamant about letting it be my decision based on all factors, what i decide to do. I think he would have been just fine had i decided not to get the operation. I really like this doctor and i have heard that he is so good that he could work anywhere in the country.

I am going to miss my niece's wedding. I will either still be in the hospital or just getting home (if all goes well), but that saves me from having to go out and hunt for an outfit to wear lol. Some might say, jokingly, a fate worse than death!!! I wasn't looking forward to shopping. I had already looked once and hadn't found anything and i wasn't relishing the thought of braving the stores again. Plus, i just can't take long hours of merrymaking lol.

There you have it. I will confirm the date as it gets closer.
:group: :anjali:
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Aloka
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by Aloka »

Sending you lots of good wishes dear Sattva and hoping all goes well.


with metta,

Aloka :hug:
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bodom
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Post by bodom »

My thoughts are with you and your family.

:heart:

:anjali:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
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