Prayers for SATTVA

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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby octathlon » Wed Jul 20, 2011 1:23 am

Hi Sattva,

Please continue with the updates so we won't be left wondering how you are doing. We are wishing the best for you. :group:

This sounds like such a frustrating situation, not just the physical problems but also dealing with the health care system and the long waits to see the doctors.

There is no way to know what is going to happen, and speculating on various possibilities generates more stress and maybe depression. Glad you are listening to dhamma talks as an excellent way to fight against that!

Dhajagga Sutta wrote:i. Whether in forest or at foot of tree,
Or in some secluded spot, O monks,
Do call to mind that Buddha Supreme;
Then will there be no fear to you at all.

ii. If you think not of the Buddha, O monks,
That Lord of the world and Chief of men,
Then do think, O monks, of that Dhamma;
So well preached and leading to Nibbana.

iii. If you think not of the Dhamma, O monks
Well preached and leading to Nibbana;
Then do think, O monks, of that Sangha,
That wonderful field of merit to all.

iv. To those recalling the Buddha supreme,
To those recalling the Dhamma sublime,
And to those recalling the Sangha,
No fear, no terror will make them quiver.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .piya.html
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby sattva » Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:16 am

Thanks octathlon and here is the update you requested.

Today i went for testing.
There were breathing tests, an arterial blood gas test, and 4 chest x-rays.
The breathing tests were about the same as they were last year (which was one of the reasons i got disability), meaning not good. The arterial blood gas test showed lower than normal oxygen levels. It is at a level where it showed i need additional oxygen. Then he had me walk up and down the halls with a monitor clipped to my finger showing my oxygen level. It went down to 83. It went back to the normal range when i sat down. Then he had me breathe in oxygen while i walked and it stayed in the 90's. He said i need amblitory (sp) oxygen.

i had a mini meltdown because i feel like i am being able to do less and less for myself and becoming a burden to my family. Next, i had go across the street to have the x-rays taken. I had 2 standing up and 2 lying down on each side. I was able to wait for some results and found that the pleural effusion has increased in the right side. There was a note by the radiologist to follow up with my doctor.

Because i had had an appointment to get the dressing changed on my foot before all the testing, I had been at the medical center from 8:40 in the morning to almost 1:30 in the afternoon. I went home, got something to eat, did a few errands and then decided to call the pulmonary doctor's office and see if i could get an appointment earlier than the 31st.

I explained that i had finished the testing and that had been told to follow up with the doctor and could they call me if there was a cancellation before the 31st. The person i spoke to explained that the doctor was with a patient, but she would call me back after she talked to him. This was at 4 pm. I got a call back from her about 15 minutes later. She said the doctor was very upset that the radiologist had not called him and that i had been allowed to leave (He said this after looking at the results of the tests).

She explained that he would have wanted me to have the right side tapped again immediately if it could have been arranged. Now, she said, it was too late as the person who did the scheduling in that area had left for the day. Even though the woman who called me wasn't suppose to work the next day, she planned on going in for an hour or so and she would try to arrange something. She didn't think she would be able to get me in tomorrow (I suppose she would have had to talk to the schedular today to do that), but if i had trouble breathing, i should go to the emergency room. I said that i always have trouble breathing lol. She said it again and then added that if i felt worse or strange to go to the hospital.

Right now, i think i am okay, though my left leg is badly swollen because i haven't been able to put up my legs today. Anyway, the respiratory therapist or whatever he was, believes all the breathing problems stem from the problems with the heart. The fluid retention is the same. The heart is causing symptoms. The symptoms need to be eliminated so i can have heart surgery and improve health. Yet, because of the cardiac problems, I can't get well enough for the surgery i need. As a friend put it, it is like a dog chasing his own tail.
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
---from the Metta Sutta
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby Modus.Ponens » Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:31 am

We're here for you sattva. :group:

I hope it turns out well.
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby sattva » Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:20 pm

Modus.Ponens wrote:We're here for you sattva. :group:

I hope it turns out well.


Thanks, MP
:group:
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
---from the Metta Sutta
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Fri Aug 05, 2011 1:57 pm

Metta!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby Prasadachitta » Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:02 pm

:anjali: May you be well and at peace SATTVA
"Beautifully taught is the Lord's Dhamma, immediately apparent, timeless, of the nature of a personal invitation, progressive, to be attained by the wise, each for himself." Anguttara Nikaya V.332
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby David N. Snyder » Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:56 pm

Sattva,

May you be well!

Thanks for your concern about the people in the Horn of Africa!

viewtopic.php?f=12&t=9131

In spite of all of your own health problems, your concern has been for the people over there!

Sadhu!
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby Tex » Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:26 pm

Much metta to you, Sattva!

:group:
"The serene and peaceful mind is the true epitome of human achievement."-- Ajahn Chah, Living Dhamma

"To reach beyond fear and danger we must sharpen and widen our vision. We have to pierce through the deceptions that lull us into a comfortable complacency, to take a straight look down into the depths of our existence, without turning away uneasily or running after distractions." -- Bhikkhu Bodhi
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby Aloka » Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:19 pm

Lots of metta and good wishes for your health, Sattva :hug:
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby sattva » Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:25 pm

Thanks everyone!

I did get a call today and was told if i could come out to the hospital immediately they would be able to drain the fluid. They took 1000 ml from the right side and 400 ml from the left. You always cough some afterwords as your lungs immediately begin to expand, but i am already breathing better.
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
---from the Metta Sutta
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby cooran » Fri Aug 05, 2011 7:41 pm

This is good to hear, Sattva. Hope things improve quickly and you are able to have your surgery. :group:

with metta
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---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby sattva » Fri Sep 02, 2011 2:09 pm

Thanks again everyone for the prayers and support.

The History of my problems:
For those who haven't read the whole thread or just a refresher for those who don't remember it all. I was found to need quadruple bypass surgery on June 7th and the cardiologist wanted it performed in 2 weeks. I was told i had a silent heart attack somewhere in the past and had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure a few months earlier. I met with the heart surgeon who was concerned about my kidney functioning which was down. This led to visits with a kidney specialist. While there he discovered i had asthmatic bronchitus and pneumonia. Even with antibiotics they couldn't seem to get me well and i ended up in the hospital for a few days receiving intraveous IVs and they drained my pleural cavity which was filled with fluid.

Since then, even though I have been diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease, the numbers have stabilized and the kidney doctor cleared me for surgery. However, now i have a pulmonary doctor and after going through testing and x-rays, they had to drain me again.

The Current Situation
I saw the pulmonary doctor on Wednesday. My sister met me there and between the two of us we knew we would ask some hard questions as there is still no surgery in sight and we all have been feeling that we're just spinning our wheels. The doctor answered as honestly as he could and it was a lot to take in.

I am a time bomb. Yes, he really dis say that lol. He said that he couldn't "clear" me for surgery but just assess the risks. My respiratory function is down. They prefer not to do surgery on anyone under a 1 and they definitely won't do it on anyone lower than a .75. Right now, i am a .83. At some point, he wants to do more testing, i believe. I'm sorry but it is something of a blur. One of the concerns is that if they did the surgery i would end up permanently on a respirator. Personally, I won't have the surgery done if they the risk of it being permanent is high and i don't think they will do the surgery either. He sent me for more x-rays afterwards and it showed that there was more pleural effusion (fluid in the pleural cavity) but that it wasn't as bad as last time. At this point, no one has called to say that they want to drain me again and so they may wait to see how it goes. We came away feeling that there is no real answer at the moment, but it looks slimmer that they will be able to do the operation. He didn't seem totally hopeless though.

Just a few minutes ago i did get a phone call from the heart surgeon's office. Apparently, the pulmonary doctor spoke to him and the heart surgeon is going to have me in (on Sept 12) to assess the recent tests. I don't have a good feeling about this. I hope i am wrong.

Even though i am somewhat weaker than i use to be, i feel stronger than i think many people feel. I don't look feeble or fragile. Some people say my voice is strong. I will be 58 in a few months. I try to remind myself even strong people can die. My grandfather died while working in the fields.

If traditional medicine gives up on me, i will try some alternatives and am already starting to think about changing my diet more. I am getting close to a point where i have nothing to lose. I meditate daily, but i plan to try to meditate more. The hardest part was calling my son to tell him the latest news which i did this morning.

There you have it. I want to use a smilie or something to make this lighter :toilet: :tantrum:
or appear wise
:sage:

"Let's go out in a blaze of glory. All good things must end" :guns:

Really, it just is what it is. We do what we can under difficult situations and try not to push away or embrace, try not to give up or to fight at all costs. It is always the middle ground, isn't it?
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
---from the Metta Sutta
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby Ben » Fri Sep 02, 2011 2:51 pm

Take care of yourself Sattva.
You're in our thoughts.
with metta

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- Hereclitus


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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby BubbaBuddhist » Fri Sep 02, 2011 3:26 pm

Aw I'm sorry sattva, I hope everything turns out for the best.

M4
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby tiltbillings » Fri Sep 02, 2011 3:35 pm

sattva,

What you are going through is unquestionably, undeniably terrifying. There is no easy answer, no quick fix to the possibility of death that is looking back at you when you look in the mirror, making itself known when you feel your body aching in way that tells you things are not quite right, if not deadly wrong.

Let me recommend to you a Buddhist inspired book that may help. It is by Stephen Levine, who before writing this book did a lot of work with the dying. The title is WHO DIES? It is well worth spending time with it no matter how your medical issues play out, and like all here I pray that you have many more years ahead. But in the meantime, taking this book, you can read a bit here, you can read a bit there, or you can read it from cover to cover. It is at times a challenging book; it has some wisdom; and it can offer you some comfort, and it may help. I can offer you nothing better.

tilt
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby kirk5a » Fri Sep 02, 2011 4:41 pm

An offering directly to you from the Buddha himself:

Seated at one side, the householder Nakulapitaa said thus to the Exalted One: "Lord I am a decrepit old-man, aged, far gone in years. I have reached the last stage of my life. I am sick in body and always ailing. It is rarely that I get the opportunity to see the Exalted One and those monks whose very sight is edifying. Let the Exalted One admonish and instruct me, so that it will conduce to my weal and happiness for a long time to come."

"True it is, true it is householder, that your body is sickly, soiled and cumbered. For, householder, who would claim even a moment's health, carrying this body about, except through sheer foolishness? Wherefore, householder, thus you should train yourself: "Though my body is sick, my mind shall not be sick." Thus, householder, must you train yourself."


Please read the rest at the link so that Ven. Sariputta can explain this in detail to you personally.

excerpt:
"Herein, householder, the well-taught noble disciple, who discerns the noble ones, who is skilled in the doctrine of the noble ones, well-trained in the doctrine of the noble ones, who discerns the good men, who is skilled in the doctrine of the good men, well trained in the doctrine of the good men, regards not form as self, nor self as having form, nor form as being in self, nor self as being in form. He says not 'I am form'; he says not 'form is mine'; nor is he obsessed with that idea. That form of him who is not so obsessed, changes, becomes otherwise, but owing to the change and transformation of form there do not arise in him sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair.


http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... passage-16
"When one thing is practiced & pursued, ignorance is abandoned, clear knowing arises, the conceit 'I am' is abandoned, latent tendencies are uprooted, fetters are abandoned. Which one thing? Mindfulness immersed in the body." -AN 1.230
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby octathlon » Fri Sep 02, 2011 11:42 pm

sattva wrote:Really, it just is what it is. We do what we can under difficult situations and try not to push away or embrace, try not to give up or to fight at all costs. It is always the middle ground, isn't it?


I think this is a very good attitude. I'm also glad to hear your kidney function is now better and deemed sufficient; that is a positive development. Metta to you and best wishes for good health to return. :heart:
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby Mawkish1983 » Sat Sep 03, 2011 7:19 am

I just saw this thread and I really do feel for you Sattva. I don't know what to say. You're in my thoughts. I hope things improve so that you can have the surgery and recover.
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby sattva » Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:58 pm

Thanks everyone for the well-wishes, advice, and links. I will let you know after the 12th what i learn from the heart surgeon. :anjali:
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
---from the Metta Sutta
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Re: Prayers for SATTVA

Postby Modus.Ponens » Mon Sep 05, 2011 4:02 am

Hello sattva.

Did you get my PM?

Metta.
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"
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