Wrong speech on this forum

[Sacha G]

Hello friends
Just a short post to say that, though I appreciate this forum very much, I'm a bit disappointed by the way some here write to others. Indeed, some speak with harsh words, wanting to be right at all cost, and being sarcastic. I saw also some complaining that they didn't dare to ask questions anymore, because they were automatically attacked by others. Isn't it sad?
I think it's also a reason why some women here don't want to post messages. Happily a majority seems to continue with speaking gently and listening to others.
Well, that was just a thought of mine.
Sacha

[tiltbillings]

I think it's also a reason why some women here don't want to post messages. Happily a majority seems to continue with speaking gently and listening to others.

Do all women always speak gently and listen to others? All men do not? I am guessing the best you can do here, or the best any of us can do, is to follow the dictum attributed to Gandhi of being the you want to see in the world.

[Sacha G]

Well: I admit my text had a double meaning. "A majority" was "a majority of the participants", i.e mainly male.

[PeterB]

Oh goody...a nice meta discussion. We havent had one of those for weeks.

[appicchato]

A perfect example, eh Sacha G?...

[Dan74]

I guess I kind of approach these fora as well as the posters here in a similar ways to bargain bins. There is lots of trash but an occasional treasure! Don't let the trash distract you. We also don't know the intention and the manner in which the posts are written (no body language or intonation to accompany them) so it is best not to infer negative intent wherever possible and try not to pigeon-hole posters into roles. Otherwise a treasure may be missed just because it is wrapped in an old oily rag!

The other thing I found useful is to concentrate on my reactions. This is good practice and far more useful than shaking my fist at an anonymous "rude" poster across the interwebs.

[BubbaBuddhist]

I just figure if I want to be able to choose who I hang out with I go out in public. Then I can walk away from annoying people--which the older I get becomes a larger and larger subset of the population it seems. The problem with Internet fora is when you allow everyone in, that's exactly what you get, and you either have to put up with everyone or leave the forum. There used to not even be an Internet; I wonder what people did then? Oh yeah: they had hobbies.

M4

[befriend]

i have a question i may be wrong. did buddha refer to some people as fools. did he say in a sutta, he who does evil will suffer in this lifetime and feel shame, and when he dies the fool will go to hell. is this correct?

[cooran]

Hello befriend,

All of these Suttas refer to ‘’fools’’:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/search_r ... =fool#1218

with metta
Chris

[Kim OHara]

Hello befriend,

All of these Suttas refer to ‘’fools’’:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/search_r ... =fool#1218

with metta
Chris

...but remember that doesn't mean the Buddha often said to anyone, 'You are a fool,' let alone, 'How on earth did you come to such a stupid conclusion? You must have been born with half a brain and then forgotten to use it!' or anything remotely like it. That kind of speech is not Right Speech by any measure. It is also very poor, unproductive teaching style, and the Buddha's teaching technique (quite apart from the content of his teaching) was brilliant. (As a teacher myself, I tend to notice tricks of the trade. I bow to his skill. )
Without even clicking on Cooran's link, I'm willing to bet that you will find teachings like, 'The man who does X is a fool, but you wouldn't do that yourself, would you?' or, 'This is what happens to the fool in his next life.' That is, the 'fool' is someone else, and usually someone not even present, not the student.

Getting back to the OP:
I also have been saddened and/or irritated by the rudeness of some people here. Daily life is an opportunity to practice Right Speech, as we should know. DW should be an opportunity to enjoy it and see its benefits as well as practice it.


Kim

[retrofuturist]

Greetings,

When reading people's posts...

If you assume the worst, you'll find all manner of distasteful things in people's posts.

If you assume the best, you'll find much of value and interest.

I'm inclined to believe that people wouldn't come to a Buddhist forum, if they didn't have a genuine interest in spiritual cultivation... and if someone does have a genuine interest in spiritual cultivation, then I'm sure there's a lot we can learn from each other.

If people's posts are a violation of the Terms Of Service, please report them using the Report Post function. (see Terms of Service for more details).

Metta,
Retro.

[PeterB]

Just a gentle reminder of section 2 of the Terms Of Service, particularly the reference to " meta discussion..."

[retrofuturist]

Greetings Peter,

Just a gentle reminder of section 2 of the Terms Of Service, particularly the reference to " meta discussion..."

In most topics, discussion of such nature is meta-discussion, hence, people shouldn't do it elsewhere.

When however, discussion of this nature is the topic itself, then it's on topic.

How long such a topic remains open for though remains to be seen... it depends if anything positive comes of it.

Metta,
Retro.

[Zom]

[3] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, but unendearing & disagreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

[Kim OHara]

Greetings,
When reading people's posts...

If you assume the worst, you'll find all manner of distasteful things in people's posts.
If you assume the best, you'll find much of value and interest.

Absolutely true, and a continual risk - or trap - in online discussions is reading posts in the wrong tone of voice. Jokes and sarcasm are often hard to identify as such (please use lots of smilies, folks) but it is also very easy to read a plain statement of fact or opinion as an attack, e.g. "I like apples," may become, in the reader's mind, "I like apples and anyone who doesn't is just plain stoopid " although in the writer's mind it was, "I like apples and I know you like oranges but isn't it wonderful that we all like different things "

I guess we need to be willing to use as many words as we need to make ourselves clear, and to make sure we don't make unfair assumptions.


Kim

[PeterB]

Another way to access the debate linked to in the TOS.
Second topic, then "read more "

http://www.fitz-claridge.com/?9=search.

[Vepacitta]

I rarely post here anymore and when I do, it's usually to push back at bullies.

V.

[tiltbillings]

I rarely post here anymore

Which is too bad. You made positive contributions here.

and when I do, it's usually to push back at bullies.

The forum is what people make it. There a lot of different personalities here, both difficult and easy to get along with.

[Fede]

I've been away a good long while, for many and varied reasons.
But I've found for me, the best and most effective way to guard myself against wrong speech, is to put down everything I feel is worthy in response - then edit and delete the better and major part of it.
Keeps it short, sweet to the point and largely inoffensive.

Good morning, everyone.

[Ben]

Hi Alex,
Its not only good but damned refreshing to see someone take responsibility for their experience here.
kind regards,

Ben