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Attention parents - Page 2 - Dhamma Wheel

Attention parents

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
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retrofuturist
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Re: Attention parents

Postby retrofuturist » Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:21 pm

Greetings,

See also:

Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent
viewtopic.php?f=14&t=149

I also recommend the book...

"Buddhism For Mothers" by Sarah Napthali
http://books.google.com.au/books?id=tl3 ... t&resnum=4

Metta,
Retro. :)
"Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education." - Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead" - Thomas Paine

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Ngawang Drolma.
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Ngawang Drolma. » Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:15 am



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Ngawang Drolma.
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Ngawang Drolma. » Sat Apr 25, 2009 11:46 pm



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christopher:::
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Re: Attention parents

Postby christopher::: » Sun Apr 26, 2009 1:51 am

Hi N. Drolma and everyone,

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. We had the same problems with our first son, at around age 3. I bought this book and found it very very very helpful, and very much inline with Buddhist wisdom. Making use of the strategies and insights suggested we were able to help turn everything around rather quickly.



Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.jpg
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.jpg (9.87 KiB) Viewed 862 times


I'd also strongly recommend this book for Rui S. The mimicking strategy can work from time-to-time but it sounds like your son still hasn't changed his behavior patterns, and is requiring a lot of your attention. Unfortunately, the longer a child is able to "practice" and rehearse disruptive emotional and behavioral "habits" the harder it can be to shake them. Children who behave disruptively in order to gain attention- and then receive attention - are having those disruptive behaviors reinforced.

Understanding how all this works we were able to do things differently with our second son. Tantrums were not reacted to in the same way, and so he never developed those behavior patterns. By contrast, the oldest (a teenager now) has sometimes fallen into the old patterns when he's stressed, angry or fearful...

Parenting is a joy, but always a challenge.

:hug:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009

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Rui Sousa
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Rui Sousa » Sun Apr 26, 2009 2:51 pm

With Metta

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Rui Sousa
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Rui Sousa » Sun Apr 26, 2009 3:15 pm

With Metta

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Ngawang Drolma.
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Ngawang Drolma. » Sun Apr 26, 2009 3:48 pm

Thanks a lot for your input Christopher. And the book looks very good :anjali:


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christopher:::
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Re: Attention parents

Postby christopher::: » Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:29 am

It helped a lot, though I wish I had read it earlier, and that i could have found a Japanese translation of it for my wife. To this day the two of them will occasionally spin in their reactive habits, from time-to-time... and getting tooooo upset about it only seems to widen the storm front...

Image

:thinking:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009


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