Attention parents

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.

Re: Attention parents

Postby retrofuturist » Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:21 pm

Greetings,

See also:

Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent
viewtopic.php?f=14&t=149

I also recommend the book...

"Buddhism For Mothers" by Sarah Napthali
http://books.google.com.au/books?id=tl3 ... t&resnum=4

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


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Re: Attention parents

Postby Ngawang Drolma. » Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:15 am

Bubbabuddhist wrote:My son didn't speak for the longest time; everyone thought there was something wrong with him. The one day he began speaking in whole sentences. He was waiting until he understood how to do it correctly I suppose. There's a term for kids who do this but I can't remember it. Point is some kids aren't necessarily behind, just on their own time.

J


:namaste: Thanks so much BB.

And Retro, great book recommendations.

Everyone's comments are genuinely helping me, thanks so much.
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Ngawang Drolma. » Sat Apr 25, 2009 11:46 pm

Rui Sousa wrote:
When anger arises in my mind I yell at him, when he insists on putting a fork on the electrical plug I slap his hands. But when he gets very frustrated and starts crying and hitting things, humour is my best friend. When he cries I cry, when he lays on the floor kicking the air, I do the same and ask him if I am doing it right, or I aks him if he is done with it. He usually starts laughing and stops the wild behaviour.


This works! I just tried it. The little one was making these awful whining noises because she desperately wanted to put her bathing suit on at a few moments when I had my hands full. I make the same obnoxious sounds and she started laughing!

Very cool :anjali:
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Re: Attention parents

Postby christopher::: » Sun Apr 26, 2009 1:51 am

Hi N. Drolma and everyone,

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. We had the same problems with our first son, at around age 3. I bought this book and found it very very very helpful, and very much inline with Buddhist wisdom. Making use of the strategies and insights suggested we were able to help turn everything around rather quickly.

Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.jpg
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.jpg (9.91 KiB) Viewed 346 times


I'd also strongly recommend this book for Rui S. The mimicking strategy can work from time-to-time but it sounds like your son still hasn't changed his behavior patterns, and is requiring a lot of your attention. Unfortunately, the longer a child is able to "practice" and rehearse disruptive emotional and behavioral "habits" the harder it can be to shake them. Children who behave disruptively in order to gain attention- and then receive attention - are having those disruptive behaviors reinforced.

Understanding how all this works we were able to do things differently with our second son. Tantrums were not reacted to in the same way, and so he never developed those behavior patterns. By contrast, the oldest (a teenager now) has sometimes fallen into the old patterns when he's stressed, angry or fearful...

Parenting is a joy, but always a challenge.

:hug:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Rui Sousa » Sun Apr 26, 2009 2:51 pm

Ngawang Drolma wrote:
Rui Sousa wrote:
When anger arises in my mind I yell at him, when he insists on putting a fork on the electrical plug I slap his hands. But when he gets very frustrated and starts crying and hitting things, humour is my best friend. When he cries I cry, when he lays on the floor kicking the air, I do the same and ask him if I am doing it right, or I aks him if he is done with it. He usually starts laughing and stops the wild behaviour.


This works! I just tried it. The little one was making these awful whining noises because she desperately wanted to put her bathing suit on at a few moments when I had my hands full. I make the same obnoxious sounds and she started laughing!

Very cool :anjali:


I am very happy to have been helpful :)

A big :hug: to you and your daughter.
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Rui Sousa » Sun Apr 26, 2009 3:15 pm

christopher::: wrote:I'd also strongly recommend this book for Rui S.


Thank you. I will take a look at it, every help is welcomed.
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Re: Attention parents

Postby Ngawang Drolma. » Sun Apr 26, 2009 3:48 pm

Thanks a lot for your input Christopher. And the book looks very good :anjali:
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Re: Attention parents

Postby christopher::: » Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:29 am

It helped a lot, though I wish I had read it earlier, and that i could have found a Japanese translation of it for my wife. To this day the two of them will occasionally spin in their reactive habits, from time-to-time... and getting tooooo upset about it only seems to widen the storm front...

Image

:thinking:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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