When my (now 12-going-on-13 year old) was first born, my heart was officially melted. I had a baby daughter! And over the next nine to ten years I would say that the times I spent with her were precious. I had never loved any other human being as much (until the next one came along), and never would again.
But over the last year (or so, kind of gradually) she really
has changed. Often it's like my dear daughter has kind of been subsumed by this mean bitchy person before me, being disdainful and rude to me often for either a trivial (or sometimes, no) reason at all, other than that I happen to be her dad. I promise you, I never
regretted my life-path (having kids) before this last trying year. And the sad thing is, I still love both
of my kids, even the currently nasty one, as much as I love myself. That's just what being a parent does to you.
I'm sorry for this but it makes me feel much sadness sometimes. Here I am, a Buddhist with more faith in the Teachings than I've ever had before, and yet I find my daughter's rudeness so, so hard to deal with, because honestly I just did not behave like that at her age.
That rebellious and defiant spirit she got from her mother, I'd say. (Or from herself. Pah I dunno). It really isn't right
to speak to or treat your parents with such disdain, at just 12-13 years of age...(I'm a bit old-fashioned, maybe? Am I 'not with the times?')
So while I have much love for her in my heart, I must say that if she treated me like she did today for the next six years, I might not last the distance. The monastery (a long way) down the road might have a new resident! (Just kidding!) But seriously, this really isn't much fun. Monastic life looks far, far preferable to this, I'm sorry to call it like it is. But I really did lose my shot at that a long time ago now; So, I'm staying the course, and raising this being (who has come into my care) to adulthood, with as much virtue and metta as I can muster.
Thanks for listening,