I'm a 19 years old french canadian(sorry for my bad english) poker player and I have questions related to vipassana. I saw a similar topic where a poker player kinda ruined our reputation by asking idiot questions, saying he was making millions and ended up saying he was broke. I am really serious about poker, I never went broke at all, I am talented and always had some good bankroll management. I started playing poker when I was 18 and I made 20k of profit that year by playing part-time while being at highschool. So, I decided to play full time this year before I go to UNI, in order to save the more money I can. The thing is I never had the attitude that a poker player should have when he is playing, by that I mean only focus on the things you can control (always take the better decisions you can), and don't mind about the rest (luck side of poker).. It always end up being in your way anyway (if you are a good winning player, obviously). I was kinda getting pissed off when I was losing and being really happy when I won, and kept that attitude for thousands of hours of play. As a result, I am not really comfortable when I sit in front of my computer to play poker now, like I was before. I should be playing ALOT this year but I feel really bad when I play and I try to have a good attitude but it doesnt change much.
So, my hypothesis is the following: I have accumulated alot of sankharas in the last 2 years and now I have so much sankharas that my body is revolting when I play, and that's why I am not able to play for a long time like I was before.
I did a vipassana retreat this summer and altough it was a really tough retreat, I did it correctly and I think in the last days some sankharas were dissolving, I was really equanimous and at the end of a couple of a couple of meditations I really felt like ive got rid of alot of bad stuff, and was feeling really good. But I didnt keep practicing vipassana after that.
My question is: Do you think it would be a good idea to go on another vipassana retreat, and keep practicing 2 hours a day, while before I play poker and after? I think that by doing that I could get rid of alot of the sankharas that are coming the the surface while a play poker.
When I was doing vipassana, at the end of the day there was speeches and in one of them there was a story of a guy who was a scientist who was making nuclear bombs or something like that and he wasnt able to do his job anymore because he was feeling too bad. He discovered vipassanna, kept doing it and finally was able to work in peace again. I tought it was kind of the same problem I have, in much bigger obviously
Anyway thanks for reading guys and thanks for giving me your thoughts on that !