right speech

[befriend]

i realized its not harmonious to mumble harsh speech under my breath and be sarcastically harsh. so i made a concious effort to stop that. and i feel like now that is making my intention pure. my mind felt very upright in meditation yesterday, because i decided to let go of the last little bet of a harmful intention. i think right speech is incredibly important. we should be aware how even in our thoughts we judge people and call them names. i think that helps keep us from SAYING things that are harmful. so im just saying it feels good now to not have any INTENTIONS of harshness. i think we overlook right speech because we dont see it as so much of a big deal, but every little bit helps unify and harmonize our minds. metta, Befriend

[Jhana4]

i realized its not harmonious to mumble harsh speech under my breath and be sarcastically harsh. so i made a concious effort to stop that. and i feel like now that is making my intention pure. my mind felt very upright in meditation yesterday, because i decided to let go of the last little bet of a harmful intention. i think right speech is incredibly important. we should be aware how even in our thoughts we judge people and call them names. i think that helps keep us from SAYING things that are harmful. so im just saying it feels good now to not have any INTENTIONS of harshness. i think we overlook right speech because we dont see it as so much of a big deal, but every little bit helps unify and harmonize our minds. metta, Befriend

Too many use Right Speech as a rationale for avoiding discomfort and not saying things that need to be said. IMO, the thing to do is to ask yourself if people will better off by saying what you are thinking of saying.

[Khalil Bodhi]

i realized its not harmonious to mumble harsh speech under my breath and be sarcastically harsh. so i made a concious effort to stop that. and i feel like now that is making my intention pure. my mind felt very upright in meditation yesterday, because i decided to let go of the last little bet of a harmful intention. i think right speech is incredibly important. we should be aware how even in our thoughts we judge people and call them names. i think that helps keep us from SAYING things that are harmful. so im just saying it feels good now to not have any INTENTIONS of harshness. i think we overlook right speech because we dont see it as so much of a big deal, but every little bit helps unify and harmonize our minds. metta, Befriend

Sadhu! An admirable practice to be sure! Anumodana!

[befriend]

i realized its not harmonious to mumble harsh speech under my breath and be sarcastically harsh. so i made a concious effort to stop that. and i feel like now that is making my intention pure. my mind felt very upright in meditation yesterday, because i decided to let go of the last little bet of a harmful intention. i think right speech is incredibly important. we should be aware how even in our thoughts we judge people and call them names. i think that helps keep us from SAYING things that are harmful. so im just saying it feels good now to not have any INTENTIONS of harshness. i think we overlook right speech because we dont see it as so much of a big deal, but every little bit helps unify and harmonize our minds. metta, Befriend

Too many use Right Speech as a rationale for avoiding discomfort and not saying things that need to be said. IMO, the thing to do is to ask yourself if people will better off by saying what you are thinking of saying.

we cant change people, we wil make more bad karma for ourselves if we re act to harsh speech with more harsh speech. remember that bad things are a part of life. this world is good and bad, we cant expect good things to happen to us all the time. but i know what you mean, its better to talk things out with empathy.

[befriend]

what i mean to say is my mind feels like every channel i have is going in the same direction. the point is to not let your some of your chi go one direction, make it all go in the same direction and it wont be weak.

[daverupa]

It is purifying the beginning of wholesome states.

Sadhu!

[Kim OHara]

what i mean to say is my mind feels like every channel i have is going in the same direction. the point is to not let your some of your chi go one direction, make it all go in the same direction and it wont be weak.

Another way of saying something similar - maybe - is that our thoughts and speech should match each other and *both* should be guided by the principles of Right Speech. Thinking one thing and saying another (or saying nothing) puts us in conflict with ourselves.


Kim

[befriend]

that didnt work. it actually just bottled it all up inside. then i just snapped at my dad, because he accused me of something i didnt do. i reacted disproportionately to the situation. how can i not be harsh in speech??????? i dont want to repress it or suppress it then it just comes out. but i dont want to talk back harshly at people please any help would be very appreciated. metta, befriend

[Kim OHara]

Wow! Sometimes karma works itself out *really* fast.
I just said "Thinking one thing and saying another (or saying nothing) puts us in conflict with ourselves," and you experienced it:

that didnt work. it actually just bottled it all up inside. then i just snapped at my dad, because he accused me of something i didnt do. i reacted disproportionately to the situation. how can i not be harsh in speech??????? i dont want to repress it or suppress it then it just comes out. but i dont want to talk back harshly at people please any help would be very appreciated. metta, befriend

You gave yourself the answer, too, right at the end of that post: "metta". If you can develop a habit of seeing everyone with kindness and compassion, it's easier to see conflicts as arising from your (or their) misunderstanding, or their (or your) attachment or aversion. When you can see that, it is easier to react with sympathy instead of hostility. Bottling it up doesn't work, as you have been reminded, but you need to approach conflict areas calmly and gently.
And all of that is easier to say than to put into practice - especially when it comes to dealing with parents or (in my case) children.
Metta,
Kim

[befriend]

i think forgiving people who speek harshly to me, will heal my anger. i dont want to get to heady with it and make it complicated.

[Kim OHara]

Two reminders popped up in a Comments thread on RealClimate http://www.realclimate.org/ and I thought I would pass them on:

Always remember:
* One lesson of the Net:
You’re writing for the longterm audience, not the present conversation.

* The Lesson of the Street:
When you get into an argument with a crazy person, passers-by can’t tell which of you is crazy.

Kim

[Oh.Wow]

Hello, befriend. From what I know, speaking harshly under ones breath is certainly considered wrong speech, and if it's not, then there is certainly ill will, which does cause suffering. You have made a very important connection between the speech we use, and the states of mind that arise as a result of that speech - if one speaks harshly, their mind state will be harsh, hateful, and unwholesome, whereas if one refrains from harsh speech, their mind will be smooth, concentrated, and wholesome. Sadhu, indeed!
-Wow

[befriend]

my teacher said i should observethe anger as a meditation object, this will insightfully distance me from the anger, because as we know all things are not mine. mindfulness of anger will not suppress it, or express it. the middle path.