Porn Free for 90 Days

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:36 pm

Alobha wrote:Next, people will make fun of others who want to refrain from telling lies. "Oh, bet you already have a very long nose! haha!"
or make fun of people who don't want to eat meat anymore "Afraid of some chicken huh? Bwwaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkk!"
And what about those who want to refrain from killing animals or humans? We can make fun of them too. Maybe they are not man enough to see any blood!

You may think that this is fun or eases up things, but you just show people that you don't take them and their issues as important, that they're essentially so irrelevant that we can make fun of them. Like their concerns, their issues, their problems, their goals and their pursuit for freedom from suffering are just jokes.

I feel ashamed to see how fellow buddhists mock right effort and make fun of the endeavor to make progress on the eightfold noble path and hope that the mods will close this thread.


Point taken.
I actually admire the people who have contributed to this thread and have been very open about their addiction to pornography and masturbation and have indicated their desire to overcome those difficulties. Your honesty, openness and efforts are very commendable.

But I am with Tilt - no one has been intentionally making fun of anyone else. If anyone feels that way, then I offer my sincere apologies.
kind regards,

Ben
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Buckwheat » Thu Mar 29, 2012 2:47 am

tiltbillings wrote:
Justsit wrote:
tiltbillings wrote:...sex... infinite possibilities for humor

Unfortunately, most often of the drudgingly predictable adolescent variety that was trite when Nixon was president... :zzz:
That is just the nature of the beast.


That's what she said.
Disciples, this I declare to you: All conditioned things are subject to disintegration – strive on untiringly for your liberation.

Sotthī hontu nirantaraṃ - May you forever be well.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:17 am

Anumodana to those of you trying to overcome the flood of sensuality. I've had my own struggles and know how helpful such public determinations can be and that the support one can gain from it is truly invaluable. :heart:
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Dmytro » Thu Mar 29, 2012 4:44 pm

Another good free tool for guarding the Internet doors is Norton DNS:

https://dns.norton.com/dnsweb/huConfigurePc.do
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Monkey Mind » Thu Mar 29, 2012 5:08 pm

This thread has been inspiring for me, as well. I was inclined to believe that pornography was "no big deal" as long as all parties involved are consenting adults. But then I also used to think the same thing about alcohol consumption. I read the articles and watched the video on the website cited in the OP, I think they present a fantastic theoretical model for why "behavioral addictions" (e.g. gambling, watching porn) become such difficult habits to break. Bravo to the OP and other contributors for boldly discussing this topic. (And the humor has been fun, too.)
"As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I."
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.

Sutta Nipāta 3.710
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Moth » Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:20 am

I'll join this challenge as well, I stopped watching porn awhile ago but I still struggle with celibacy. The way I stopped watching porn (and also taking drugs) was to make a solemn vow/promise to the buddha, dhamma, sangha, that I would never use it again, and I have not since (be it out of respect, fear of lying/bad vipaka, or both). I haven't been confident enough in my own resolve to make the same vow in regards to masturbation but after failing many time its becomes more and more clear how pointless and detrimental it all is. Hopefully none of you have given up yet.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby ground » Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:29 am

Just experience how disgusting bodies can be perceived ...

Or practice mindfulness instead of merely debating about it

[4] "Furthermore...just as if a sack with openings at both ends were full of various kinds of grain — wheat, rice, mung beans, kidney beans, sesame seeds, husked rice — and a man with good eyesight, pouring it out, were to reflect, 'This is wheat. This is rice. These are mung beans. These are kidney beans. These are sesame seeds. This is husked rice,' in the same way, monks, a monk reflects on this very body from the soles of the feet on up, from the crown of the head on down, surrounded by skin and full of various kinds of unclean things: 'In this body there are head hairs, body hairs, nails, teeth, skin, flesh, tendons, bones, bone marrow, kidneys, heart, liver, pleura, spleen, lungs, large intestines, small intestines, gorge, feces, bile, phlegm, pus, blood, sweat, fat, tears, skin-oil, saliva, mucus, fluid in the joints, urine.'

"In this way he remains focused internally on the body in & of itself, or focused externally... unsustained by anything in the world. This is how a monk remains focused on the body in & of itself.

[5] "Furthermore...just as a skilled butcher or his apprentice, having killed a cow, would sit at a crossroads cutting it up into pieces, the monk contemplates this very body — however it stands, however it is disposed — in terms of properties: 'In this body there is the earth property, the liquid property, the fire property, & the wind property.'

"In this way he remains focused internally on the body in & of itself, or focused externally... unsustained by anything in the world. This is how a monk remains focused on the body in & of itself.

[6] "Furthermore, as if he were to see a corpse cast away in a charnel ground — one day, two days, three days dead — bloated, livid, & festering, he applies it to this very body, 'This body, too: Such is its nature, such is its future, such its unavoidable fate'...

"Or again, as if he were to see a corpse cast away in a charnel ground, picked at by crows, vultures, & hawks, by dogs, hyenas, & various other creatures... a skeleton smeared with flesh & blood, connected with tendons... a fleshless skeleton smeared with blood, connected with tendons... a skeleton without flesh or blood, connected with tendons... bones detached from their tendons, scattered in all directions — here a hand bone, there a foot bone, here a shin bone, there a thigh bone, here a hip bone, there a back bone, here a rib, there a breast bone, here a shoulder bone, there a neck bone, here a jaw bone, there a tooth, here a skull... the bones whitened, somewhat like the color of shells... piled up, more than a year old... decomposed into a powder: He applies it to this very body, 'This body, too: Such is its nature, such is its future, such its unavoidable fate.'

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Aloka » Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:04 am

I found this article "The truth about the porn industry " which was orginally in the UK Guardian newspaper.

excerpt:


Dines is also a highly regarded academic and her new book, Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality, has just come out in the US, and is available online here. She wrote it primarily to educate people about what pornography today is really like, she says, and to banish any notion of it as benign titillation.

"We are now bringing up a generation of boys on cruel, violent porn," she says, "and given what we know about how images affect people, this is going to have a profound influence on their sexuality, behaviour and attitudes towards women."


another excerpt:

From studying thousands of porn films and images Dines found that the most popular acts depicted in internet porn include vaginal, oral and anal penetration by three or more men at the same time; double anal; double vaginal; a female gagging from having a penis thrust into her throat; and ejaculation in a woman's face, eyes and mouth.

"To think that so many men hate women to the degree that they can get aroused by such vile images is quite profound," says Dines. "Pornography is the perfect propaganda piece for patriarchy. In nothing else is their hatred of us quite as clear."




http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/02/gail-dines-pornography



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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Alobha » Sat Mar 31, 2012 9:14 am

May that be of inspiration to those pursuing renunciation of sexual activies:

Blazing storm

Just like a storm of raging fire,
This is Lust and burning desire:
To follow is the hot temptation
for succumbing sounds yet amazing.
Dancing in glowing embers of these
the tortured mind will find no release.
This is the truth of the storm in that one dwelt,
for being on fire you smolder and melt.

Just like the soothing touch of water
is Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha the dorter.
Cooling down in eager refrainin'
there may still be a strong storm blazin' -
but you're safe through practice and virtue -
resting and tasting final breakthrough.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Topofdeehead » Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:51 am

dhamma,

Congrats on your awareness and determination to cut out porn and masterbation. I am on day 414 today of being off both and it's certainly brought some clarity to my life in certain areas. I wish you the best and don't be too hard on yourself (no pun intended) if it takes a couple of tries. Prayer was a huge help for me during my first 90 days. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Congrats, sir.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhamma_newb » Thu Apr 05, 2012 9:06 am

Hi Dhamma Wheel,

It's day 45 and I'm halfway through this process and I just wanted to post this to reaffirm my commitment. Reading all of your comments has helped me through the first half of the 90 days and I want thank you all for your support. It wasn't easy but with the Dhamma and the help of spiritual friends I've made it this far. If I reacted harshly to some of your comments I apologize and want to let everyone know that there are no hard feelings.

I may not post a lot on this site but I do consider Dhamma Wheel to be my Sangha. The wisdom that is shared here is unsurpassed and I feel blessed to have come across this site at the beginning of this difficult path the Buddha has laid out for me. Every day of study and practice is a reminder of how grateful I am to have come across the Buddha-Dhamma and how thankful I am that others who are further along the path are willing to share their knowledge and wisdom.

With Metta,
Don
The watched mind brings happiness.
Dhp 36

I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Thu Apr 05, 2012 9:52 am

Dear Don,
I rejoice in your great meritorious efforts!
Well done, my friend!
with metta,

Ben
"Only those who take to meditation with good intentions can be assured of success. With the development of the purity and the power of the mind backed by the insight into the ultimate truth of nature, one might be able to do a lot of things in the right direction for the benefit of mankind."

Sayagyi U Ba Khin


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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhamma_newb » Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:12 am

Thanks Ben :smile:
The watched mind brings happiness.
Dhp 36

I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby tiltbillings » Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:37 am

dhamma_newb wrote:Hi Dhamma Wheel,

It's day 45 and I'm halfway through this process and I just wanted to post this to reaffirm my commitment.. . .
While puns arise in my thoughts, I'll restrain myself and wish you well and mindfulness in the remaining days that follow.
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.
"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhamma_newb » Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:37 am

tiltbillings wrote:
dhamma_newb wrote:Hi Dhamma Wheel,

It's day 45 and I'm halfway through this process and I just wanted to post this to reaffirm my commitment.. . .
While puns arise in my thoughts, I'll restrain myself and wish you well and mindfulness in the remaining days that follow.


Like I said, no "hard feelings." :tongue:
The watched mind brings happiness.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Sarva » Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:53 am

Hi Dhamma_newb
How is the experience, have you noticed any difference in energy, daily thoughts, dreams, now you are half way through?

Keep going! :)
“Both formerly & now, it is only stress that I describe, and the cessation of stress.” — SN 22:86
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhamma_newb » Fri Apr 06, 2012 10:30 am

Sarva wrote:Hi Dhamma_newb
How is the experience, have you noticed any difference in energy, daily thoughts, dreams, now you are half way through?

Keep going! :)


Hi Sarva,

I've read on the site that the longer you've been addicted to porn the longer it will take for your brain to heal. Two of my aunts owned video stores and my family and I would visit them all the time to rent movies and in order to get to the back office I had to pass through the adult video section, so I basically grew up surrounded by pornography. My family didn't seem to think it was a big deal so naturally I didn't either until it was too late. I started watching porn at a really young age and through my youth it became a habit which led to addiction but I didn't even think of it as a problem at the time. I actually worked at my aunt's video store while in high school and at another video store (the largest in the city) while I was in college. Being able to rent all the porn I wanted for free escalated to downloading pirated copies of internet pornography off of illegal file sharing sites and participating in sex cam chat.

At first refraining from all sexual activity was a roller coaster ride with good days and bad days but things have bottomed out and now I just feel flat and empty, like a junkie not able to get a fix. When the urges come up I try as best as I can to be mindful but sometimes the desire gets so strong it feels like I'll go crazy without some kind of release, and then it passes.

Image

Above is a graph of one man's experience of abstinence with mood on y-axis, days on x-axis. Right now I feel like I've been stuck at 0 for a while now but when I look at this man's graph I keep hope that I will heal and get better. So basically right now it sucks but the only way I'll know if it's worth it is if I finish it.

Daily meditation, reading Dhamma books, and listening to Dhamma talks are keeping me sane through this process. There are other Buddhist practitioners with the same problem as me who have contacted me and we have been helping each other stay strong. Porn Addiction is still relatively new but society will become more aware of this growing problem with the younger generations growing up wired to the net with an unlimited supply of pornography available.

I am using this experience as an opportunity to put what I've learned about the Dhamma into practice as it seems like Māra is throwing everything he's got at me right now. I will post an update once the 90 days are over.

With Metta,
Don
The watched mind brings happiness.
Dhp 36

I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.
Walt Whitman
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Sarva » Fri Apr 06, 2012 10:50 am

Thanks Don, for a detailed reply.
Sorry to hear you are finding your are on zero. Like most experiences it is subject to change and I wish you improvement.
I can relate to your story, pornography is so easily available that I sometimes wonder how people survived without it a 100 years ago. They seemed to be more accepting of their life-partner and lead a more innocent life; that's my impression.

I think what you are doing will pay off, as per all action (karma) it will reap a result and I would see that result being a strengthening of your will over Mara and enrichment to your insight at least. Something which will help you to help others in turn I would think. Keep us updated :)

Best wishes!
“Both formerly & now, it is only stress that I describe, and the cessation of stress.” — SN 22:86
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby reflection » Sat Apr 07, 2012 3:38 pm

I'm going to try it too. (after seeing the movie Shame, which is about sex addiction) No masturbation/sex/porn for 90 days.. Already made it for a few days, I guess, but I'll start counting now. This'll be interesting at least.. :tongue:

If someone wants to talk about it, you can always sent a personal message.


As a support to others:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7S84du6yH0
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhamma_newb » Sat Apr 07, 2012 5:14 pm

@ Sarva,

Thanks for the support :) .

reflection wrote:I'm going to try it too. (after seeing the movie Shame, which is about sex addiction) No masturbation/sex/porn for 90 days.. Already made it for a few days, I guess, but I'll start counting now. This'll be interesting at least.. :tongue:

If someone wants to talk about it, you can always sent a personal message.


As a support to others:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7S84du6yH0


Hey reflection, a friend took me along to watch Shame and I didn't even know what it was about but the movie really hit home and I think it did a good job of showing how empty the endless pursuit of sexual gratification is. Good luck with your 90 days and I wish you the best. Take care.

With Metta,
Don
The watched mind brings happiness.
Dhp 36

I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.
Walt Whitman
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