retrofuturist wrote:Greetings Individual,
Often memories resurface because there's something unresolved about them... observing them mindfully, see if you can find their origin and their cessation.
Nothing seems to be unresolved about these, because the situations are far into the past and re-appear, almost of their own volition, from time-to-time, during casual acts of self-reflection. The anxiety and distress, as someone pointed out, exists before the memory appears, and the memory is simply a "hook" for the emotion to latch onto. That is, emotions are by nature situational. For every feeling there is, it is directed towards a certain object; a person feels a certain way always about
something. But when there is an emotion present or arising that isn't related to something, it searches for something to relate itself to. This is different from the types of emotions that arise in reaction to physical circumstances.
retrofuturist wrote:Be careful not to attach to these memories or identify with them... remember everything that is not-self. Identification will lead to papanca and that papanca (particularly of this depressing kind) will lead to suffering.
Thinking about non-identification does not remove the habitual identification, because it has been developed for so long and is deeply ingrained. To a very large degree, suffering and ignorance seems to be unavoidable. Overcoming both and understanding the mind is the greatest mystery of all and easier said than done. Because what stands in the way of new action is the view of a self ("I cannot do that new action, because I am this," is fixed, but there is the possibility for new action, when there is the thought, "I can do that new action, because I am not that,"). However, the mental recognition
of the non-existence of self is not the same as the experience, which is like swimming through a tsunami, climbing a mountain, or taming not simply a monkey or a wild horse, but taming a huge monster with many heads and many faces, like a hydra.
So, a person can walk around saying they are a Buddhist and meditating, but not much changes, unless they put forth that rare, unexplainable effort in every
situation -- an effort which arises from beneath the conscious mind -- or unless they find themselves lucky enough to be in circumstances conducive to awareness. And even the slightest lack of vigilance against sensual desire makes any discipline which follows worthless, because even the subtle entertaining of sensuality -- delight in food, the warmth of a shower, the feel of one's pet dog, or the sound of one's mother's voice -- this lays the foundation for the more gross and painful forms of sensuality, such as laziness and drug-use.