Porn Free for 90 Days

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Ben
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Wed Apr 11, 2012 3:33 am

Time to get back on topic, folks!
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.

Taṃ nadīhi vijānātha:
sobbhesu padaresu ca,
saṇantā yanti kusobbhā,
tuṇhīyanti mahodadhī.

Sutta Nipata 3.725

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhamma_newb » Fri Apr 13, 2012 12:31 pm

52 days and I relapsed. I don't think I can do this alone and I think I need professional help. I am sorry to all those that I have let down.
The watched mind brings happiness.
Dhp 36

I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.
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Ben
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Fri Apr 13, 2012 12:46 pm

Relax Don, you haven't let anyone down! 52 days is a pretty awesome effort.
We all fall down and then get up again, fall down and get up.
Be easy on yourself.
With metta,

Ben
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.

Taṃ nadīhi vijānātha:
sobbhesu padaresu ca,
saṇantā yanti kusobbhā,
tuṇhīyanti mahodadhī.

Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Sarva » Fri Apr 13, 2012 1:11 pm

Ben wrote:Relax Don, you haven't let anyone down! 52 days is a pretty awesome effort.
We all fall down and then get up again, fall down and get up.
Be easy on yourself.
With metta,

Ben

Well said, Ben
Keep positive Don! :toast:
“Both formerly & now, it is only stress that I describe, and the cessation of stress.” — SN 22:86

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby David2 » Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:48 pm

dhamma_newb wrote:52 days and I relapsed. I don't think I can do this alone and I think I need professional help. I am sorry to all those that I have let down.


Beating yourself up can be a lot worse than watching porn.
So, whatever you do, don't beat yourself up.
Just keep living your life with best intentions, noone can live it perfectly according to the Dhamma unless one is an arahant.

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby reflection » Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:57 pm

The mind craves, that's its nature. The goal is not to make 90 days 'clean', but to learn from the process. You've let nobody down and also shouldn't let yourself down!

You can go on with the wisdom you've gathered. :console:

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Alex123 » Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:39 pm

dhamma_newb wrote:52 days and I relapsed. I don't think I can do this alone and I think I need professional help. I am sorry to all those that I have let down.


You are still better than me in this respect. I don't remember occasion when I could abstain from masturbating much more than a month - and that is only because I was on a month long meditation retreat.

Often I fail every single week. Sometimes I fail twice or thrice per day, even when I restrain myself. You could hold it for 52 days.
"dust to dust...."

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ferox » Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:12 pm

Remember what I said about vows being made to be broken? ;) friend do not feel bad and down youself. I say all you need to do is your meditation practice and when you are ready it will be given up naturally and without struggle ;).
-just one more being treading the ancient path of Dhamma-

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby rowboat » Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:39 pm

52 days and I relapsed. I don't think I can do this alone and I think I need professional help. I am sorry to all those that I have let down.


This is a problem with taking the vow approach to restraint when it comes to lust, overeating etc. instead of taking the wading into mindfulness approach; whenever you falter there's bound to be quite a bit of self-blame and other negative feelings that arise, which are definitely not a part of the script. Remember to be kind to yourself. Do you practice metta? The first place to send metta is to oneself.

You might take a look at this previous thread on sense restraint: viewtopic.php?f=33&t=11513&start=0

In the above thread Ven. Bhikkhu Pesala is directing people here: http://www.aimwell.org/Books/Mahasi/Mal ... l#Vigilant
Rain soddens what is covered up,
It does not sodden what is open.
Therefore uncover what is covered
That the rain will not sodden it.
Ud 5.5

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby reflection » Fri Apr 13, 2012 10:44 pm

Don, I think you should watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVJd5pz-PkU

With metta,
Reflection

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby ground » Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:46 am

dhamma_newb wrote:52 days and I relapsed. I don't think I can do this alone and I think I need professional help. I am sorry to all those that I have let down.

The only harm resulting from this is when you reproach yourself and lose self confidence. Relax. Renunciation is no contest.
What professional help other than the Buddha's are you thinking of?

Kind regards

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Sat Apr 14, 2012 9:32 am

Hi dhamma_newb,

I don't have much advice beyond what others have already said. Please go Easy on yourself-the time you spent abstaining has certainly been well spent and will only make tout next attempt better. Definitely take up a metta practice if you haven't already and feel free to PM me if you need support. Be :group: well!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby SDC » Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:02 pm

dhamma_newb wrote:52 days and I relapsed. I don't think I can do this alone and I think I need professional help. I am sorry to all those that I have let down.


Hey, man. Relax. The longest I've gone porn free in the last 4 years is like 12 days. And for the 12 or so years before that I never went more than a day. So you're doing well, but as many have already said you can't beat yourself up like this. When I began trying to get away from porn I was reacting the same way when I would relapse and it made things much worse. Trust me I know what you are going through and it feels really shitty when you can't just stop.

You do need professional help. But there was no more professional at control then the Buddha. But you have to be patient. You've imbedded porn into your life to certain degree.

I came up with a metaphor:

Years back you wandered into a cave which held many wonders. You kept exploring deeper and deeper. Suddenly you were reminded of daylight and realized that the cave is dangerous and has nothing to offer you. You want to leave. You know you didn't go into the cave with the intention of going this deep but it happened. You have been walking for years, so it may take some years to escape. But you just want to be out, your tired of what the cave has to offer, but for right now your stuck and can't get away. You panic and begin to run and realize that you are just becoming more lost. Suddenly you realize that there is a hint of daylight in one the tunnels behind you. It is the way you came from, the way back to surface. Just keep an eye on that daylight and you'll never loose it. And if you happen to enjoy some of the wonders of the cave here and there, so be it, just as long as you're on your way out.

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Dmytro » Tue Apr 17, 2012 4:32 am

Hi Don,

dhamma_newb wrote:52 days and I relapsed. I don't think I can do this alone and I think I need professional help. I am sorry to all those that I have let down.


Practice is like running on broken ice.

You develop virtue, and then develop samadhi while virtue lasts. If you won't develop it, the virtue will be broken, since you need something better to replace the worldly enjoyment.

You develop samadhi, and then develop wisdom while samadhi lasts. If you won't develop it, samadhi will expire, since you need wisdom to develop stable release of the mind.

So good luck on your next run!

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby retrofuturist » Tue Apr 17, 2012 4:59 am

Greetings,

ground wrote:
dhamma_newb wrote:52 days and I relapsed. I don't think I can do this alone and I think I need professional help. I am sorry to all those that I have let down.

The only harm resulting from this is when you reproach yourself and lose self confidence. Relax. Renunciation is no contest.
What professional help other than the Buddha's are you thinking of?

:goodpost:

Beware aversion!

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby perkele » Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:39 am

Hey Don!
Sorry to hear that. But don't take it so serious! 52 days, that's a lot. I'm really grateful that you started this thread, because for me it was a good time and a good undertaking. Maybe I should not have made such a silly competition out of it. I just thought it might spur the motivation between all these demotivating cautionary voices, and indeed it spurred mine. But I didn't want to turn it into something grim.
Actually I just came here because I wanted to relate a funny story to lighten things up a little bit of how I got a crush on a bhikkhuni on a meditation retreat this weekend. Man, I have not felt such butterflies in my stomach since I was 16. But okay, I'll spare the details. It just ruins the romance. At any rate, my new suggestion to tackle the problem is to fall in love with a bhikkhuni if you find the opportunity while trying to learn meditation from her. And then you have to seperate love from lust and admiration from infatuation and sort these things out and your interest for sex will just disappear in the process. Or maybe that's what Mara told me.
Okay, almost enough silly advice. But one more thing: Don't feel humiliated. I really appreciate your initiative and your honesty. Don't exaggerate your "failure". Just as the others already said. If I was in your position I would probably feel similar. But from outside it's easy to see that that's just silly. I'm sure such a period of restraint and abstinence has taught you something useful, even if you are not able to recognize it at first. And you must also see: You are not alone. You are not a pervert. You are just not an anagami. And even if I don't really know you I would contend that you probably don't need professional help (from a prostitute or otherwise) but you were just exaggerating. My heart goes out to you my friend. I admire your honesty.
:buddha2:

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ferox » Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:58 am

perkele wrote:Hey Don!
Sorry to hear that. But don't take it so serious! 52 days, that's a lot. I'm really grateful that you started this thread, because for me it was a good time and a good undertaking. Maybe I should not have made such a silly competition out of it. I just thought it might spur the motivation between all these demotivating cautionary voices, and indeed it spurred mine. But I didn't want to turn it into something grim.
Actually I just came here because I wanted to relate a funny story to lighten things up a little bit of how I got a crush on a bhikkhuni on a meditation retreat this weekend. Man, I have not felt such butterflies in my stomach since I was 16. But okay, I'll spare the details. It just ruins the romance. At any rate, my new suggestion to tackle the problem is to fall in love with a bhikkhuni if you find the opportunity while trying to learn meditation from her. And then you have to seperate love from lust and admiration from infatuation and sort these things out and your interest for sex will just disappear in the process. Or maybe that's what Mara told me.
Okay, almost enough silly advice. But one more thing: Don't feel humiliated. I really appreciate your initiative and your honesty. Don't exaggerate your "failure". Just as the others already said. If I was in your position I would probably feel similar. But from outside it's easy to see that that's just silly. I'm sure such a period of restraint and abstinence has taught you something useful, even if you are not able to recognize it at first. And you must also see: You are not alone. You are not a pervert. You are just not an anagami. And even if I don't really know you I would contend that you probably don't need professional help (from a prostitute or otherwise) but you were just exaggerating. My heart goes out to you my friend. I admire your honesty.
:buddha2:



I like this story about the Bhikkuni hehe, I have noticed myself that I seem to always have a "retreat crush"(ie one girl at the retreat I somehow deam "the best one in the bunch" for me.. which becomes an interesting object of observation into not only lust and love but also judgement and categorization.. which is all just fancier words for saying greed, hatred, and delusion hehe. I rarely if ever talk to them, most of the time I don't even remember their name and never see them again, but they are part of my practice and training so I don't down myself or say stuff like " omg your supposed to be totally thinking about meditation" etc etc.. to me that is actually bringing the mind down the wrong path, instead of just observing things objectively without judgement.
-just one more being treading the ancient path of Dhamma-

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Moth » Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:09 pm

I've tried and failed many times, just keep at it. Someone once said life is a series of mistakes, you have no choice but to screw up. The more you try the easier it becomes, you just have to keep nipping lust at the bud, don't let it develop/cultivate in the mind and it won't spill out into action (of course easier said than done).
May you be happy. May you be a peace. May you be free from suffering.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby reflection » Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:36 pm

I like your post, Moth. I also relapsed (after about 10 days or so), but I'm still practicing. But I expected this, so for me it is not a problem. I didn't expect to change something that is so strong within a single try.

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby himalayanspirit » Sun Apr 22, 2012 5:36 pm

I am 24 and the maximum I've stayed away from porn (and masturbation/sex) is about 23 days.
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