Ok, bear with me, this may be a long explanation. Thank you ahead of time for reading it!
I'm not really a Buddhist. I can explain why I'm here though:
I've lived my whole live in the province of Ontario, Canada. I grew up in a very Anglican family, parts of which have become United, Pentecostal, Presbyterian over the years. It never quite all added up to me, and like most teenagers do, when I reached that age, I lost faith in it.
Since then I've identified myself as an Agnostic, and as far as divinity goes, I still do.
I've led a troubled life, resorting to poor choices to cope with it through all of my teenage years, and well into my late 20s. After a number of crossroad moments in my life over the past few years, I resolved to "clean up my act", and believed I succeeded quite well.
I still felt adrift. I went through the motions of my job, spending the long commute home thinking about death, the afterlife, god(s), life, the universe.
Recently, maybe a month or so ago, I was wandering around a bookstore with my husband and wandered into the religion aisle. I spent an hour there, opening various books, looking for something that made sense. I ended up with two: "The Tao of Pooh" by Benjamin Hoff, and "When The Chocolate Runs Out" by Lama Yeshe. I completely expected Hoff's book to be the one I enjoyed the most. But, rather than simply enjoying it, I FELT Lama Yeshe's book. It made sense to me. There it was, on paper, THIS is what I believed, THIS was what I was looking for.
I went back for more books. Basic Teachings Of The Buddha, The Dhammapada, The Noble Eightfold Path, The Meditator's Workbook, Quiet Mind, The Quantum And The Lotus, and Bringing Home the Dharma. I downloaded all of Bhikku Bodhi's lectures from Buddhanet and listened to them on my commute, and I'm patiently waiting for the arrival of the accompanying book to his Pali course. I registered for a secular mindfulness meditation workshop.
I've devoured loads of information of various forms of Buddhism and I've come to a sort of puzzle. There are no buddhist temples in my little town and the closest ones are a bit of a drive, and seem to be very distinct lineages and forms. As an introvert, I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into something like that with both feet, so I've been searching for an online sangha, hoping to meet and chat with buddhists, learn, discover, and understand more.
Which brings me to you.