reflection wrote:What you say is wise and true, thanks. It also becomes clearer what your point of view is now. But there are things that are mising in that approach and one is the analogy of the smokers I gave. Some can give up smoking gradually, maybe sometimes still smoke a sigarette afterward, but others have to stop cold turkey or it won't work. So for them part of the value is in making it without smoking, not just learning about it. I have already learned that I'm in the second category with respect to the issue discussed here.
Not quite the same given that cigarettes are naught more than enhanced delivery devices for nicotine, a substance that is more physically addictive than heroin. What has been described in this thread in terms of porn and whacking-off is not addiction; rather, it is highly unwholesome habitual behaviors.”not just learning about it.”
I have no idea what you think I am advocating here. You seem to not have a clue as to what I am saying. In paying attention to the urges around wanting to look at porn and spanking-the-monkey, is to learn how to let go of it. You cannot let go without seeing clearly what it is of which you are letting go.
As for your being in the second category of going cold turkey, you miss the point that stopping cold turkey without the insight into the nature of the urges for looking at porn and being a master-debater, the real work has not been done. Mind you, I am not and have not advocated cold turkey or a gradual approach. Whatever approach you take, I am advocating paying attention, looking carefully at what you are doing. (The “you” here is not you
; rather, it is a general usage for whomever.) So, the point is, whatever you choose to do, it is a matter of paying attention, as I described in my earlier msgs.
Let me maybe make my intentions a bit clearer. I do not really do this for a 90 days challenge, but think about becoming a monk so this may be the rest of my life. And if I keep being sexually active sometimes, I'm sure my lust will not decrease a lot, if at all. Now, I see you are not suggesting to indulge, but I think part of the value is the abstaining itself, because sensual activity increases lust. And having a loose attitude towars it doesn't works for me, at least, looking back at past experiences.
can also become a matter of pride and a matter of aversion to sexuality. One needs to pay attention to one’s feeing, how one responds to the feelings, and how one sees one’s self. If not, then it is become all too easy to mislead one’s self.
Sometimes craving arises, and I'm not in right place, time or mindset to do as you suggest.
Wherever you are, you are always in the right place to pay attention.
Or I try but it simply doesn't work.
If it “does not work,” there is something to be learned from that, as in maybe you are expecting too much, wanting the feeling to go away altogether right now.
So there's other practices I do which were suggested to me by some of my teachers, and by the Buddha.
Yes, and there is always something to learn, to be seen from the other practices. Pay attention.
Just like I said, it's not really mindfulness that does it for me. I experienced metta works good against anger,
Metta is a great expedient and skillful means for controlling and mitigating anger and ill-will, but metta by itself will not eradicate anger and ill-will.
Greed, hatred and delusion are the three poisons I each threat differently. Mindfulness is not always so great for greed and hatred for me personally.
As I said, these other things will help and there is much to learn from each and from each time you employ them, but ultimately it is mindfulness that is going to be the only way these things are going to be eradicated.