Is there a Sutta about "better to be or not be single"??

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Is there a Sutta about "better to be or not be single"??

Postby KASHI » Fri May 04, 2012 9:32 pm

Dear friends

I was wondering if there is a Sutta someone can point me to that answers the question, is it better for a layperson to remain single or not? If one is serious about the Buddhas teaching, most certianly following the Nikayas should one stay single? I have been going back and forth with this problem in mind for about 2 years now. I can not find if the Buddha had a direct answer to this. I know he gave advice for husband and wife, and rules for monks and nuns, but I really need a sutta if there is one for this issue.

Thank you very much for your time.

Namaste
-Kashi
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In this world we walk on the roof of hell, gazing at flowers
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Re: Is there a Sutta about "better to be or not be single"??

Postby daverupa » Fri May 04, 2012 10:49 pm

"Household life is crowded and dusty; the homeless life is wide open. It is not easy while living in a home, to lead the holy life utterly perfect and pure as a polished shell."

We also find, in MN 101, the following:

"Suppose that a man is in love with a woman, his mind ensnared with fierce desire, fierce passion. He sees her standing with another man, chatting, joking, & laughing. What do you think, monks: As he sees her standing with another man, chatting, joking, & laughing, would sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair arise in him?"

"Yes, lord. Why is that? Because he is in love with her, his mind ensnared with fierce desire, fierce passion..."

"Now suppose the thought were to occur to him, 'I am in love with this woman, my mind ensnared with fierce desire, fierce passion. When I see her standing with another man, chatting, joking, & laughing, then sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair arise within me. Why don't I abandon my desire & passion for that woman?' So he abandons his desire & passion for that woman, and afterwards sees her standing with another man, chatting, joking, & laughing. What do you think, monks: As he sees her standing with another man, chatting, joking, & laughing, would sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair arise in him?"

"No, lord. Why is that? He is dispassionate toward that woman..."


Additionally, I'm having trouble finding a site cite (!), but Anguttara Nikaya I someplace remarks that the aggregates of a woman, for a man, are the single thing that persistently obsesses the mind most. For women, it is aggregates associated with men. For bisexuals and homosexuals, the personally appropriate reading should be inferred.

Nomosexual is the way to go!
    "And how is it, bhikkhus, that by protecting oneself one protects others? By the pursuit, development, and cultivation of the four establishments of mindfulness. It is in such a way that by protecting oneself one protects others.

    "And how is it, bhikkhus, that by protecting others one protects oneself? By patience, harmlessness, goodwill, and sympathy. It is in such a way that by protecting others one protects oneself.
- Sedaka Sutta [SN 47.19]
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Re: Is there a Sutta about "better to be or not be single"??

Postby Dmytro » Sat May 05, 2012 2:58 am

Hi Kashi,

It depends on whether one gets access to unwordly happiness: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .nypo.html
Without it, single life may turn out to be emotionally unsustainable.

daverupa wrote:Additionally, I'm having trouble finding a site cite (!), but Anguttara Nikaya I someplace remarks that the aggregates of a woman, for a man, are the single thing that persistently obsesses the mind most. For women, it is aggregates associated with men. For bisexuals and homosexuals, the personally appropriate reading should be inferred.


It's:
http://awake.kiev.ua/dhamma/tipitaka/2S ... ggo-e.html

See also the Rhinoceros sutta: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

Metta, Dmytro
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Re: Is there a Sutta about "better to be or not be single"??

Postby manas » Sat May 05, 2012 5:21 am

"Suppose that a man is in love with a woman, his mind ensnared with fierce desire, fierce passion. He sees her standing with another man, chatting, joking, & laughing. What do you think, monks: As he sees her standing with another man, chatting, joking, & laughing, would sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair arise in him?"

"Yes, lord. Why is that? Because he is in love with her, his mind ensnared with fierce desire, fierce passion..."


Goodness, after 2600 years, nothing's changed!

I can't advise the OP, but I am grateful for that quote. I feel as though the Buddha really did know everything about the human condition...

:)
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Re: Is there a Sutta about "better to be or not be single"??

Postby KASHI » Sat May 05, 2012 12:49 pm

Thank you all for your help. These Suttas, I honestly believe will help me. The Buddhas teachings are pure and profound. The rhino sutta in particular is one that has shed some light for me.

Thank you friends

Namaste
-KASHI
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In this world we walk on the roof of hell, gazing at flowers
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