Wise Action with disciplining the child.

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Wise Action with disciplining the child.

Postby rucontent » Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:35 pm

Hello Forum Members,

My question today has to do with raising children. In my special case, the child is not mine, but i have in some sense inherited/adopted her as mine.
She is 12 years old now. She was 9 when i came into her life. Obviously before i showed up on the scene, a lot of things/behaviors that have become part of her nature were firmly rooted and nurtured. However, I believe that wise action with child rearing says that we must take an active role in teaching good habits. Kindness, etc.....

I had heard a teaching recently that made the point by saying that a child may see fire and think it is a toy. We cannot let the child run into the fire, for the damage they will obviously experience. In the same way, I think that when a child is displaying unkind, malicious, unloving, anger-filled, and negative emotions/actions, we are to try and help the grow in their understanding and implementation of the opposite action (kindness, compassion, good will, forgiveness).

However, it is very hard to change these negative patterns. Anyone know of some good resources or scriptures that talk about the disciplining of children in dhamma?

thank you
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Re: Wise Action with disciplining the child.

Postby jason c » Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:42 pm

hi rucontent,

try Barbara Colaroso, she has a no nonsense approach and alot of helpful practical tips.

don't give up,
jason
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Re: Wise Action with disciplining the child.

Postby bodom » Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:47 pm

There is this from the Siglovda Sutta:

"In five ways, young householder, the parents thus ministered to as the East by their children, show their compassion:

(i) they restrain them from evil,
(ii) they encourage them to do good,
(iii) they train them for a profession,
(iv) they arrange a suitable marriage,
(v) at the proper time they hand over their inheritance to them.


http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .nara.html

:namaste:
The heart of the path is SO simple. No need for long explanations. Give up clinging to love and hate, just rest with things as they are. That is all I do in my own practice. Do not try to become anything. Do not make yourself into anything. Do not be a meditator. Do not become enlightened. When you sit, let it be. When you walk, let it be. Grasp at nothing. Resist nothing. Of course, there are dozens of meditation techniques to develop samadhi and many kinds of vipassana. But it all comes back to this - just let it all be. Step over here where it is cool, out of the battle. - Ajahn Chah
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Re: Wise Action with disciplining the child.

Postby bodom » Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:49 pm

I found this book very helpful as well:

Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

In the rush, rush, rush of too-much-to-do-and-no-time-to-do-it, the all-important, nurturing aspects of parenthood can easily disappear. Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of Wherever You Go, There You Are and Myla Kabat-Zinn have collaborated on Everyday Blessings, a book that approaches parenting from the Zen Buddhist position of moment-to-moment awareness. It's a beautiful presentation and a thoughtful approach to mindful meditation that will help you slow down, enrich your life as a parent, and nourish the internal life of your children.


http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Blessing ... 0786883146

:anjali:
The heart of the path is SO simple. No need for long explanations. Give up clinging to love and hate, just rest with things as they are. That is all I do in my own practice. Do not try to become anything. Do not make yourself into anything. Do not be a meditator. Do not become enlightened. When you sit, let it be. When you walk, let it be. Grasp at nothing. Resist nothing. Of course, there are dozens of meditation techniques to develop samadhi and many kinds of vipassana. But it all comes back to this - just let it all be. Step over here where it is cool, out of the battle. - Ajahn Chah
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Re: Wise Action with disciplining the child.

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Jun 07, 2012 9:02 pm

rucontent wrote:Hello Forum Members,

My question today has to do with raising children. In my special case, the child is not mine, but i have in some sense inherited/adopted her as mine.
She is 12 years old now. She was 9 when i came into her life. Obviously before i showed up on the scene, a lot of things/behaviors that have become part of her nature were firmly rooted and nurtured. However, I believe that wise action with child rearing says that we must take an active role in teaching good habits. Kindness, etc.....

I had heard a teaching recently that made the point by saying that a child may see fire and think it is a toy. We cannot let the child run into the fire, for the damage they will obviously experience. In the same way, I think that when a child is displaying unkind, malicious, unloving, anger-filled, and negative emotions/actions, we are to try and help the grow in their understanding and implementation of the opposite action (kindness, compassion, good will, forgiveness).

However, it is very hard to change these negative patterns. Anyone know of some good resources or scriptures that talk about the disciplining of children in dhamma?

thank you

Try looking at admonishment, and at how the Buddha taught.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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