Facebook induced suffering

[sattva]

I permanently disabled my account a few days ago for several reasons.
1. I was never really comfortable asking someone else to be "my friend" and only did it with a few people.
2. What I share with one person, even a friend, I might not want to share with another friend or a family member.
3. I found most of my friends don't use it.
4. The past is the past. I have no one that I hope to find. I have kept in touch with those that matter to me.
5. It was boring and so was I lol. I had nothing to write about and didn't find what I was reading by others that interesting either!
6. I don't trust my info being out there.

Well, there are my reasons. It may be different for others.
with metta,
sattva/louise

[FrancesB]

I don't like FB because it feeds one of my strongest difficulties which is envy of one of my friends (lack of mudita). Unfortunately she is also the kind of person who uses FB to feed her ego. It is not a good combination! My solution was to hide her from my news feed, but because I am still a friend I very occasionally (when weak) go and torment myself by looking at her page. Pathetic I know!! Its improving as I don't get upset anymore and able to understand our differences and my reaction. But still.........

I use FB to post social justice, animal welfare and environmental campaigns, which is useful I think, but as I said I have to use self discipline and sometimes I act in an unskillful way.

metta

[rowboat]

Hello, Sattva. We've not encountered one another before but you've been in my thoughts and I am happy to see you posting here again.

I don't like FB because it feeds one of my strongest difficulties which is envy of one of my friends (lack of mudita). Unfortunately she is also the kind of person who uses FB to feed her ego. It is not a good combination! My solution was to hide her from my news feed, but because I am still a friend I very occasionally (when weak) go and torment myself by looking at her page. Pathetic I know!! Its improving as I don't get upset anymore and able to understand our differences and my reaction. But still.........

I use FB to post social justice, animal welfare and environmental campaigns, which is useful I think, but as I said I have to use self discipline and sometimes I act in an unskillful way.

metta

Hi Frances. I was just looking at this study reported in the Guardian on the negative psychological effects of Facebook:

Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism
Psychology paper finds Facebook and other social media offer platform for obsessions with self-image and shallow friendships
Researchers have established a direct link between the number of friends you have on Facebook and the degree to which you are a "socially disruptive" narcissist, confirming the conclusions of many social media sceptics.

People who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook, tagged themselves more often and updated their newsfeeds more regularly.

The research comes amid increasing evidence that young people are becoming increasingly narcissistic, and obsessed with self-image and shallow friendships.

The latest study, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, also found that narcissists responded more aggressively to derogatory comments made about them on the social networking site's public walls and changed their profile pictures more often.

A number of previous studies have linked narcissism with Facebook use, but this is some of the first evidence of a direct relationship between Facebook friends and the most "toxic" elements of narcissistic personality disorder.

Here is the rest of the article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/20 ... narcissism

[Sekha]

This topic comes up very timely for me, as I just decided a few days ago to stop any activity on my facebook page and stop browsing whatever my "friends" share.

Main reasons are the following:

1. "socialization" is a direct impediment to meditation practice, as the Buddha reminds us in such suttas as this one: http://www.buddha-vacana.org/sutta/angu ... 6-118.html
2. I had a tendency to become narcissist and get overly attached to my image.
3. most of what is shared on the facebook does nothing but feed craving and ignorance.

If I ever want to get news from anyone, I can send them an email.

[rucontent]

I am very pleased to see all the input from other members! This forum is wonderful. And much like what FB isn't. Now that some time has settled and i have sat with my discontent a bit more. I see that a possible "wise" solution would be to just not use it very much. I have almost everyone's status hidden, and i only get a few updates.....Dalai Lama, Dhamma stuff, Abraham Hicks, Tolle, etc.......

I have quelled my FB suffering, which was linked possibly to envy of seeing other people's post but it was more aversion at our messed up society. However, it is useful for communicating as if it was email. Granted you could email a person, but there is something about it that makes it easier/convenient. For now, my solution has been not to check it that much. But like a deep sankhara, your only a click away from feeding the monster, whether it be aversion to others mundane comments or the mundane responses that feed the very neurosis that keeps us in bondage.

I also happen to be a dj, who is friends with a lot of people who use FB in a shallow way. Constant self promotion, complaining, grand standing, etc.....

I am almost keeping it not to unfriend a lot of people. I frankly am not sure why i keep it. I struggle with it either way. One thing i have noticed is that when i am less connected, I have a tendency to be more creative and do other stuff. In some ways i feel a social pressure to keep it. Pressure is strong word to use but certainly influenced by the usefulness of it, although it is very minimal.

Thanks

[bodom]

The only Facebook induced suffering I contend with is the continuous barrage of Farmville invites that I have to reject daily!

[Modus.Ponens]

The only Facebook induced suffering I contend with is the continuous barrage of Farmville invites that I have to reject daily!

You know, you can block the application when you get an invitation. Unless, you are secretly a farmville player!

[Ben]

The only Facebook induced suffering I contend with is the continuous barrage of Farmville invites that I have to reject daily!

Oh, how I hear you Bodom!!
with metta,

Ben

[Ben]

The only Facebook induced suffering I contend with is the continuous barrage of Farmville invites that I have to reject daily!

You know, you can block the application when you get an invitation. Unless, you are secretly a farmville player!

Thanks MP, I didn't know about that.
kind regards,

Ben

[Modus.Ponens]

You know, you can block the application when you get an invitation. Unless, you are secretly a farmville player!

Thanks MP, I didn't know about that.
kind regards,

Ben

In the left collumn of your facebook homepage, when there is a number in front of the application and games section, you click there. Then, on each invitation, you click in a little cross that appears as you put your mouse arrow over the invitation. In the options you choose to block the application. That way it will stop geting information on you and you'll never hear from it again.

[Ben]

Yeah, thanks MP.
I saw that when I looked at my invites and blocked a number of annoying apps from sending me invites.
kind regrds,

Ben

[FrancesB]

Yes, I had read that article and found much that chimed with my own experience. As a matter of fact 18 months ago I spoofed FB by creating an outrageous persona was wealthy, self obsessed and shallow. She had all sorts of 'adventures' - although I did keep it clean (no sex, drugs or alcohol). She was just forever shopping, travelling and socialising. She had very high standards so criticised anything and everything. She was also connected to the government and Royalty so she commented on political and social issues too. It was fun, but I'm not sure how skillful it was!

Hi Frances. I was just looking at this study reported in the Guardian on the negative psychological effects of Facebook:

Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism
Psychology paper finds Facebook and other social media offer platform for obsessions with self-image and shallow friendships
Researchers have established a direct link between the number of friends you have on Facebook and the degree to which you are a "socially disruptive" narcissist, confirming the conclusions of many social media sceptics.

People who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook, tagged themselves more often and updated their newsfeeds more regularly.

The research comes amid increasing evidence that young people are becoming increasingly narcissistic, and obsessed with self-image and shallow friendships.

The latest study, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, also found that narcissists responded more aggressively to derogatory comments made about them on the social networking site's public walls and changed their profile pictures more often.

A number of previous studies have linked narcissism with Facebook use, but this is some of the first evidence of a direct relationship between Facebook friends and the most "toxic" elements of narcissistic personality disorder.

Here is the rest of the article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/20 ... narcissism

[rucontent]

I am glad to see that so many people at least have an opinion. Glad also to see that i am not the only that does not find value in the posts. Some people are fortunate probably to have only "aware" friends, and don't have to see too much garbage. I deactivated my Facebook account last week. I like it better. Somehow it feels like there is a new dimension of life opening up. When there are down times, or boring times, FB is not an option. This among other things that i have quit doing, in an attempt to increase my discipline, it is painful and slow but i keep in mind the 10 days I never thought i could make it through and I grew. Not in height! haha

I think the downfall for me was that i was in the music business. And i was friends with lots of people in the "industry" self promoting, liking everything the people with clout say, rude grand standing, etc...... mundane comments like "i just had the best sandwich".....anyway thanks for comments again...have a great day

[reflection]

Nice applicable Dhammatalk by Ajahn Jayasaro: Facebook or Liberation?
http://feeds.amaravati.org/AmaravatiTalks

Although a short piece is specifically about facebook, the entire talk is quite interesting.

[Hanzze]

[rowboat]

FrancesB: Yes, I had read that article and found much that chimed with my own experience. As a matter of fact 18 months ago I spoofed FB by creating an outrageous persona was wealthy, self obsessed and shallow. She had all sorts of 'adventures' - although I did keep it clean (no sex, drugs or alcohol). She was just forever shopping, travelling and socialising. She had very high standards so criticised anything and everything. She was also connected to the government and Royalty so she commented on political and social issues too. It was fun, but I'm not sure how skillful it was!

For me there were two distinct groups of people among my friends on Facebook. The first group all knew how to reach me. They are the people I saw regularly or communicated with regularly before there was a Facebook. Everyone in the second group seemed to have popped back into my life after a long absence only after I joined Facebook. They were mostly people I grew up with or went to school with, and most if not all seemed to be spoofing that cliché of Facebook in the same way you did, except they were in earnest.

Facebook became one more of those things I can do without. And everyone in the first group still knows how to reach me.

[Kim OHara]

For me there were two distinct groups of people among my friends on Facebook. The first group all knew how to reach me. They are the people I saw regularly or communicated with regularly before there was a Facebook. Everyone in the second group seemed to have popped back into my life after a long absence only after I joined Facebook. They were mostly people I grew up with or went to school with, and most if not all seemed to be spoofing that cliché of Facebook in the same way you did, except they were in earnest.

Facebook became one more of those things I can do without. And everyone in the first group still knows how to reach me.

My experience is pretty similar and I use FB very little - mostly, like FrancesB, "I use FB to post social justice, animal welfare and environmental campaigns, which is useful." One click tells every 'friend' about a useful/informative page ... and I don't even have to visit FB to do it.


Kim

[retrofuturist]

Greetings,

I saw that when I looked at my invites and blocked a number of annoying apps from sending me invites.

Oh yeah, you have to do that!

Just don't block Words With Friends because blocking that would be blocking an invitation to have your butt kicked.



Metta,
Retro.

[rowboat]

For me there were two distinct groups of people among my friends on Facebook. The first group all knew how to reach me. They are the people I saw regularly or communicated with regularly before there was a Facebook. Everyone in the second group seemed to have popped back into my life after a long absence only after I joined Facebook. They were mostly people I grew up with or went to school with, and most if not all seemed to be spoofing that cliché of Facebook in the same way you did, except they were in earnest.

Facebook became one more of those things I can do without. And everyone in the first group still knows how to reach me.

My experience is pretty similar and I use FB very little - mostly, like FrancesB, "I use FB to post social justice, animal welfare and environmental campaigns, which is useful." One click tells every 'friend' about a useful/informative page ... and I don't even have to visit FB to do it.


Kim

Ah, the ubiquitous Facebook widget. I did some of that too. Passing on information about various social justice, animal welfare, and environmental campaigns.

I thought I would miss Facebook even just a little, but I am quite enjoying doing without.

[Ben]

Greetings,

I saw that when I looked at my invites and blocked a number of annoying apps from sending me invites.

Oh yeah, you have to do that!

Just don't block Words With Friends because blocking that would be blocking an invitation to have your butt kicked.



Metta,
Retro.

Well, that would be funny.
But seriously, my connection during the week in the wilds of Trouwenna is more unstable than ever before. I could only indulge in online scrabble or its variants on the weekend.
kind regards,

Ben