For the past several months, I've been encountering Buddhist thoughts, ideas, principles in my readings and have become very interested in the principles of the religion. I am a very rational person. I don't believe in God, or supernatural things. Rebirth, karma. That doesn't appeal to me. I wouldn't call myself a Buddhist either. I think the Buddha was a genius and his ideas were way ahead of his time. But religions are things I tend to abhor because of my background and because they are not things I'd like to associate myself with.
I've been through a lot in my life. I come from a muslim background. I have never really believed, however, and am an Atheist. That has been a source of conflict with my family for ages.
Pain is something that I've become associated with deeply, but as I get older, I have begun to see that Life is indeed suffering. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
The more that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. I've been through a bit of a hellish few years, and hellish year in general, and a really hellish few months. The last 3 weeks of which have been spent in a lot of agony, with lots of demons resurfacing. I've been stuck in my thoughts. It's been difficult to get out of bed. I've been suicidal, and then i've found clarity, only to lose it again. It's been up and down. And It was draining, mentally and physically. But it's all a process, and I'm stepping forwards bit by bit, even if it's protracted. Clinging, attachment, and my demons--I've been spinning all this around in my head non stop. It's been difficult to find ways to shut my brain off actually. But I don't regret it. I'm going to be a better person because of it.
But this week I finally gave in and started to begin the process of learning how to meditate. That's been helpful too in getting some clarity. Even though for the most part, because there's so much going on, a lot of things surface when I attempt to sit still and relax and clear my head. Really really strange things. I try to just observe and let them pass.
I guess I'm here because I'm on a journey in my life to become a happier person. To deal with myself from the inside. To heal old wounds, and learn to love the damaged kid inside of me. And I want to discuss that with other people who might be on the same journey as me or who just have useful things to say and experience that comes with it.