Issue that comes up often

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Issue that comes up often

Postby Licht » Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:29 am

Some of you may laugh at this or not take this seriously, but there's this mental issue I've been struggling with.

I'm 19 and only 5'4, probably fully grown, which is pretty dam short for a white American male. I could notice the height difference between me and my peers become significant when I was 12 or 13.

At some point in my early puberty years I must've developed some sort of inferiority complex out of it that today is so ridiculously strong that I've been meditating on the issue for almost 2 years now will only a bit of relief in my mind's persistent negative conditioning.

Its deeply ingrained in my subconcious because whenever I walk past a tall guy I feel this physical heaviness and I feel this sense of inferiority and weakness. Maybe at some point it was just thought. But now it is feeling. I feel a kind of pain the thoughts are so imbedded.

I mean its weird because nothing else has been such an issue for me. I feel pretty smart, good looking, I consider myself to uphold morals, to be kind, and otherwise equal. But the height issue brings out the inferiority complex in me like there's no tomorrow.

I think its because the issue hits to the core of my manhood; women. I mean so many women are very insistent upon a tall guy that I often feel pretty worthless, not being able to change my height.

Thoughts?
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby Ben » Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:38 am

Greetings Licht

I think its good that you recognize that you have some deep conditioning. You are aware of it and its affective response. At some point you may wish to investigate insight (vipassana) meditation. Personally, i believe a residential retreat of vipassana meditation offer the best environment to learn and get established in the practice. I think a retreat would provide you with both the theoretical underpinnings on the nature of suffering and its eradication but also a powerful tool in which to begin self transformation.
wishing you the very best,

Ben
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby Cittasanto » Sat Jul 28, 2012 2:26 am

Licht wrote:Some of you may laugh at this or not take this seriously, but there's this mental issue I've been struggling with.

not at all!
As Ben has said it is good that you recognize this, and mirror his encouragement to do a retreat, maybe there is a retreat center which may have a special theme on this sort of issue as inferiority complexes are a common issue many have!
but what type of practices (both on and off the cushion) have you been doing?
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby Bhikkhu Pesala » Sat Jul 28, 2012 10:54 am

I do take it seriously, but it might help if you could laugh about it. People's prejudicial attitudes to height, weight, skin colour, etc., are something to laugh at — not anything to develop a complex about.

Life's Too Short to worry too much about what others think of us.
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby Micheal Kush » Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:16 pm

Hello, i defintely can relate to your problem and though my mine was not identical the reaction was the same. First off let me just that while meditation may benefit to dissolve your problem, its off the cushion that contributes more to your importance.

The best thing to do is face your reaction or the feeling of inferiority with equanimity and everytime other feelings or thoughts bombard you simply watch them and dont get absorbed onto their content. What your mind tends to do is exaggerate the problem magnifying ten fold that make it to the point where it sparks a spontanous reflex. Also try recollecting some of the positive qualities that you yourself possess.

You also have to realize that tall guys have incalcuable flaws as well. Sure their tall but what about their shy towards girls or just plain arrogant, obnoxious etc Also you have to remember not every girl is superficial that will mark down height as her defining criteria, they will admire someone who can keep them secure and show love to them despite who you are. Also different guys suit different girls so not every girl is pursuing a colossal type figure.

Anyways, i hope it works out. And another thing, you may want to try metta meditation radiating loving kindness to tall guys so you can counter react to the negative attitude towards them or the feeling of inferiority itself.

With metta, mike
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby befriend » Sat Jul 28, 2012 2:58 pm

as the tibetans say meet everything with a meditation. why dont you turn your inferiority complex into a meditation object. you cant feel inferiority all the time. so watch it watch the inferiority come up then leave on its own. this will take the sting out of it. maybe im wrong i dont know.
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby Licht » Tue Jul 31, 2012 2:18 am

Cittasanto wrote:
Licht wrote:Some of you may laugh at this or not take this seriously, but there's this mental issue I've been struggling with.

not at all!
As Ben has said it is good that you recognize this, and mirror his encouragement to do a retreat, maybe there is a retreat center which may have a special theme on this sort of issue as inferiority complexes are a common issue many have!
but what type of practices (both on and off the cushion) have you been doing?


I have been doing a noting practice as outlined here;

http://kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/

I don't have the money for long retreats but short ones are possible for me.

Noting practice and walking meditation in the park are the main things I do in terms of practice.
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby Licht » Tue Jul 31, 2012 2:20 am

Thanks Mike. The metta towards taller guys is an excellent idea. I've tried metta towards myself but there's no sincerity in it.

Micheal Kush wrote:Hello, i defintely can relate to your problem and though my mine was not identical the reaction was the same. First off let me just that while meditation may benefit to dissolve your problem, its off the cushion that contributes more to your importance.

The best thing to do is face your reaction or the feeling of inferiority with equanimity and everytime other feelings or thoughts bombard you simply watch them and dont get absorbed onto their content. What your mind tends to do is exaggerate the problem magnifying ten fold that make it to the point where it sparks a spontanous reflex. Also try recollecting some of the positive qualities that you yourself possess.

You also have to realize that tall guys have incalcuable flaws as well. Sure their tall but what about their shy towards girls or just plain arrogant, obnoxious etc Also you have to remember not every girl is superficial that will mark down height as her defining criteria, they will admire someone who can keep them secure and show love to them despite who you are. Also different guys suit different girls so not every girl is pursuing a colossal type figure.

Anyways, i hope it works out. And another thing, you may want to try metta meditation radiating loving kindness to tall guys so you can counter react to the negative attitude towards them or the feeling of inferiority itself.

With metta, mike
Licht
 
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby Slava » Tue Jul 31, 2012 1:07 pm

Licht wrote:Its deeply ingrained in my subconcious because whenever I walk past a tall guy I feel this physical heaviness and I feel this sense of inferiority and weakness.


Just imagine both of you sitting on a plane. Who has the physical heaviness now? :tongue:

I'm kidding of course. The metta towards the other guy is a blilliant idea. It will give a nice warm feeling instead.

People like to laugh and girls are no exception. The most girls I've known would rather be with somebody funny, rather than somebody tall. That could be your tool.
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Re: Issue that comes up often

Postby Micheal Kush » Tue Jul 31, 2012 7:46 pm

Licht wrote:Thanks Mike. The metta towards taller guys is an excellent idea. I've tried metta towards myself but there's no sincerity in it.

Micheal Kush wrote:Hello, i defintely can relate to your problem and though my mine was not identical the reaction was the same. First off let me just that while meditation may benefit to dissolve your problem, its off the cushion that contributes more to your importance.

The best thing to do is face your reaction or the feeling of inferiority with equanimity and everytime other feelings or thoughts bombard you simply watch them and dont get absorbed onto their content. What your mind tends to do is exaggerate the problem magnifying ten fold that make it to the point where it sparks a spontanous reflex. Also try recollecting some of the positive qualities that you yourself possess.

You also have to realize that tall guys have incalcuable flaws as well. Sure their tall but what about their shy towards girls or just plain arrogant, obnoxious etc Also you have to remember not every girl is superficial that will mark down height as her defining criteria, they will admire someone who can keep them secure and show love to them despite who you are. Also different guys suit different girls so not every girl is pursuing a colossal type figure.

Anyways, i hope it works out. And another thing, you may want to try metta meditation radiating loving kindness to tall guys so you can counter react to the negative attitude towards them or the feeling of inferiority itself.

With metta, mike


Its best to radiate and extend metta towards both external objects(you and taller guys), its best to find and direct your attention to the positive qualities youve acquired and the ones you want and be content with that. Trust me, at first it will feel like your just splurring arbitrary words at yourself but in due time, that seed will grow and nourish your practice. Some of my best moments in medotation were of metta.

Hope all goes well.

With metta, mike
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