In need of a mentor.

Exploring Theravāda's connections to other paths - what can we learn from other traditions, religions and philosophies?
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echograph
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In need of a mentor.

Post by echograph »

I am a 24 year old artist/designer. I have been interested in and greatly respected Buddhist teachings since my early ages.
I have a Persian upbringing. But not a traditional one. My family always put its focus on being a better human than following a religion.

I have been battling psychological damages done in childhood. Dealing with scars of sexual abuse, has brought me anxiety
and depression. Killed my motivation, and slowly taking away my creativity.

I understand that problems of this nature are healed from within. Therefore im in search of someone who can
teach me the basics of finding inner peace, fighting urges, and finding a pure soul. I need a mentor in the
art of self realization and free me from my material attachments and heal my scared soul.

I would greatly appreciate any recommendations. Books, articles, websites. I dont have a lot of money so i cant afford to purchase any books.
but online sources serve just fine.

but what would really make a difference is an actual person to talk to and learn from.
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Kim OHara
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by Kim OHara »

Hi, echograph, and welcome to DW.
You should fing a lot of good resources here - http://www.dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=148
echograph wrote:but what would really make a difference is an actual person to talk to and learn from.
I'm not volunteering for that role, but if that's what you want most, then you need to at least give a general idea of where you are - country/timezone.
Or you can find nearby Buddhist centres on Buddhanet - http://www.buddhanet.info/wbd/.

:namaste:
Kim
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

HI echograph,

Although I'm not a teacher nor mentor I would be more than happy to discuss the Dhamma with you via PM or email if you're more comfortable in those formats. Still, I suggest you take the time to speak with the many wise, knowledgeable and kind people here. We even a few a few monks who post regularly and could offer you sage advice. Metta! :heart:

Mike
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

The Stoic Buddhist: https://www.quora.com/q/dwxmcndlgmobmeu ... pOR2p0uAdH
My Practice Blog:
http://khalilbodhi.wordpress.com
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Cittasanto
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by Cittasanto »

Hi, You may wish you have a look around the site as there are some threads pinned in certain areas or come up frequently which would be useful for you and are free of charge! I am not the best at finding the links and I am sure there will be others capable of pooling together good introductory resourses.

If you give a rough idea of where you live (Country, Provence, city....) this may asist members pointing you to a good or at least known teacher in your localish area, although any help you require on specific questions there is a good pool of practitioners here to learn from, some of us are more knowledgable in some areas than others so the biggest problem you have here is knowing who is more reliable or trustworthy in what they are saying, and the writen word does not always convey fully what is there are sometimes things can be added on which are not present!
but I am sure if you stick around long enough you will learn who to trust for advice in the different areas and who to trust for pointing to who is more in line with the dhamma!

best regards in your endeavor!
Blog, Suttas, Aj Chah, Facebook.

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.
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santa100
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by santa100 »

Some online resources on the Buddha's teaching that you might find useful..

1. http://www.accesstoinsight.org" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
3. http://bodhimonastery.org/religion/audios" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
4. http://www.noblepath.org/audio.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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echograph
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by echograph »

Thank you very much, all of you, for your words :)
befriend
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by befriend »

Tara Brach at her own website or her talks on trauma and how to heal at dharmaseed.org. she has a lot of stuff on healing.
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.
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Kamran
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by Kamran »

Hi echograph, I am Persian, too.

Thanissaro Bikhus talks at dhammatalks.org. is almost like having a personal meditation teacher, since much of what he says I have experienced during meditation and it seems as if he were speaking directly to me :)
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drifting cloud
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by drifting cloud »

Kamran wrote:Hi echograph, I am Persian, too.

Thanissaro Bikhus talks at dhammatalks.org. is almost like having a personal meditation teacher, since much of what he says I have experienced during meditation and it seems as if he were speaking directly to me :)
Yes, I am in a very remote part of the world without much in the way of Dhammic resources and I find Thanissaro Bhikku's talks and guidance to be invaluable. Here are some web resources with talks that's he given:

http://www.dhammatalks.org/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
http://www.audiodharma.org/teacher/16/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Ecograph, since you also mentioned childhood trauma, I would also like to recommend that in addition to dhamma practice you look into some type of therapy - depending on your location, you may even be able to find a therapist who can incorporate Buddhist practice into their therapy. I have a friend who had similar experiences (childhood sexual abuse, etc) and was greatly helped through hypnotherapy. The hypnotherapist they went to was also a practitioner of Tibetan Vajrayana, and was able to incorporate Buddhist practice into the healing process. Hypnotherapy works directly with the unconscious mind and can help with psychological issues. Since undertaking meditation can sometimes cause these issues to arise, it might be a good idea to address them via therapy concurrently with Dhamma practice.

Best wishes to you on your journey, I am certain you can overcome anything that has happened in your past. Much Metta to you. :heart:
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waimengwan
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by waimengwan »

Echograph,

My teacher was abused when young, abandoned by natural mother, and a host of other issues and one point when Rinpoche became a monk his guru asked him to apologize to his step mother. Though he felt reservation about that he followed his guru's advice and now he knows why he needs to forgive people who hurt him so he can move on and be a good monk that does not carry a baggage.

These are some of Rinpoche's bio if you are interested
http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-ri ... ory/family" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

The Promise talks bout rinpoche's life struggles until he became a monk. If you are interested in this book it looks like this.
http://www.kechara.com/publications/new ... e-promise/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I would say if we understand karma, we know there is no one to blame but ourselves , we have created the causes for us to be harmed. it is not an easy thing to face up to but all things that harm us must have a cause. And if we know that we are not born an innocent bay that helps too that puts things in perspectives. Also Rinpoche once said, if u fall down you dont stay down u get up and move on.
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drifting cloud
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by drifting cloud »

Hello Waimengwan,
waimengwan wrote:I would say if we understand karma, we know there is no one to blame but ourselves , we have created the causes for us to be harmed.n.
With the deepest of respect to you and your teacher, I think this is an immense distortion of the teaching of karma. I think this amounts to blaming the victims of abuse, and is basically akin to kicking somebody when they are down. Are you seriously proposing that a child who is molested by their parents "has no one to blame but themselves"?

If so, this strikes me as monstrous. It also strikes me as nihilistic, since if we are all ultimately responsible for what happens to us, why should we bother to help other people? After all, they must have deserved whatever happened to them....

It is true that the Buddha taught that everything has a cause. Not all causes are the result of karma, however. The conclusions you seem to be implying are again, monstrous, and distortions of the Dhamma.

I realize this post is straying off topic. But I think it is important to respond to your points, because first of all your insensitive comments may very well turn somebody who is suffering away from the Buddhist path. Secondly and more importantly, it is extremely insensitive and lacking in compassion.
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echograph
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by echograph »

drifting cloud wrote:Hello Waimengwan,
waimengwan wrote:I would say if we understand karma, we know there is no one to blame but ourselves , we have created the causes for us to be harmed.n.
With the deepest of respect to you and your teacher, I think this is an immense distortion of the teaching of karma. I think this amounts to blaming the victims of abuse, and is basically akin to kicking somebody when they are down. Are you seriously proposing that a child who is molested by their parents "has no one to blame but themselves"?

If so, this strikes me as monstrous. It also strikes me as nihilistic, since if we are all ultimately responsible for what happens to us, why should we bother to help other people? After all, they must have deserved whatever happened to them....

It is true that the Buddha taught that everything has a cause. Not all causes are the result of karma, however. The conclusions you seem to be implying are again, monstrous, and distortions of the Dhamma.

I realize this post is straying off topic. But I think it is important to respond to your points, because first of all your insensitive comments may very well turn somebody who is suffering away from the Buddhist path. Secondly and more importantly, it is extremely insensitive and lacking in compassion.
that is so true. what he said about Karma scared me. made me feel amazingly helpless. and i kept thinking, what could a child possibly do to deserve sexual abuse. Yes, there was a cause. the cause was the evil nature of that man. I dont keep baggage, I forgive but can never forget. it took me so long to forgive him. i used to want to go find him, and kill him, so he couldnt hurt anyone else. but my views changed, i realized that hate only hurts me. the problem is the effects the abuse had on my subconscious, it ruined my youth, it prevented good memories to be made, it made me an anxious, and depressed person living a love-less life with no hope in humanity. now, if you say Karma says I had it coming, and i did something to deserve it. maybe im looking in the wrong place for help. because the Karma you just described sounds irrational and illogical. inhumane and blindly mean. How is that supposed to help? what can i possibly have done as a 10 year old innocent boy to deserve to be raped? how did Karma function here? sir, i may be ignorant about the teachings. but that doesnt mean I lack logic. please, i beg you, put yourself in my position, then read your post. you have no idea how much that upset me. please think about what you write and how it might sound. and if you really believe thats how Karma works, im truly sorry for you.
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waimengwan
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by waimengwan »

Drifting Cloud - Then are you saying things can happen to me not due to karma ?

Let say I am raped when I am an adult, so that is because the perpertrator wanted to rape me and there is no karma at all involved. And I merely presented the opportunity for the person to take action against me?

Maybe there might be some random factors not due to karma 99% is due to we had the karma to experience those actions.

Are you saying that if we don't have the karma to die in an accident, still an accident can happen to us does that make sense. it sounds harsh, but we are in a safe environment, test the idea to see if we understand it better.

If I am born let say retarded, that is not due to karma, that is due to my parents not taking of me? If am born as an animal where did the cause of that come from?

Actually no one innocent, not even babies sorry to say. If you knew that the baby was was abused was also an abuser in a previous life how would u think now? I am not blaming anybody, if you plant an apple tree you cannot get an orange, if u have abused others in the past, do you expect that you will not be abused now?

I am not trying to be insensitive but if I am wrong please correct me. Thanks. With the deepest respects.

Can we be harmed if we have not harmed others? If we can when does karma come into play?
santa100
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by santa100 »

Unfortunately, for one who doesn't believe in kamma, all the injustices in life will seems even more unbearable. Look at those Nazis mass murderers who escaped to Argentina, enjoyed luxurious life, and passed away at a ripe old age. Evil dictators like Stalin, Kim Il Sung never had to pay for the horrific crimes they commited against their own people. They lived like kings until their last breath. How about all those Wall Street fat cats who're making billions of dollars just by laying off people and manipulating the market? Some have enough cash to purchase an entire island and still have a lot left so their kids, grand kids, great great grand kids to continue their luxurious life without having to work to earn it. The list can go on forever. So, if everything was just mere chance or coincidence, then life would be a boundless ocean of injustice. Finally, a belief in kamma is in no way to imply one will give up trying. Quite the opposite, by fully aware that thru one's own action, one is in complete control of his/her future destiny, one would try even harder to abstain from all unwholesome states of body, speech, and mind and try to build a better future for oneself through one's own wholesome striving and effort..
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waimengwan
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Re: In need of a mentor.

Post by waimengwan »

Santa100 - What I have read about Karma is that it is infallible, all actions no matter big or small is captured in our subtle consciousness. Our mind is like a camera, what u capture will result in what will be developed.
As long as there is karma seeds it can sprout and germinate out. A small action can lead to a big result good or bad. Even after many aeons the seeds of karma can germinate when the right conditions are present.
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