I don't know whether you recall some of my previous posts - effectively a confusion about where my affiliations fall (Theravada or Tibetan systems).
Anyway, the difficulty has always been articulating my confusions...I think I have got a little closer.
When I read Nargajuna or comentaries on the Heart Sutra my faith soars. I get a sense of deep understanding of Emptiness, believe me its palpable!
However, when I look at the practices in the Tibetan Schools, the complex Vajrayana pujas (of which I was Empowered to practice over two decades ago and was indeed an ardent student) I back off. Too much.
When I read some of the Suttas I don't feel the power and inspiration I do when reading the Mahayana texts.
However, when I look at the Theravadin practices I feel a strong resonance. Simple Samatha, Vipassana or especially Anapanasati are much more in-line with my current needs.
Can you see my quandary? Its not just a case of reading the Heart Sutra and practicing Vipassana - they both come with baggage that seem to be an inherent part of both schools.
Sorry if I am banging on the same door....but this is a massive part of my life and has been for a while.
Thanks for any input...!