How to understand and react to non-responses.

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
Post Reply
User avatar
Alobha
Posts: 565
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2011 8:27 pm
Location: Germany

How to understand and react to non-responses.

Post by Alobha »

Perhaps somebody already encountered the situation, that a monk is asked a question and he doesn't respond to it, seemingly acts as if he would ignore what was said or ignore the person.
The Suttas are full of situations where laypeople would need to ask a question three times before a monk would respond.

Can anyone tell me how to understand this kind of behavior?
What does it mean when monks don't respond in a) the suttas and
b) how does it differ when monks act like this nowadays?

Personally, I find it hard to understand why monks act like this in modern times. It easily comes across as rude and depreciative and doesn't help with solving conflicts if something unskillful was said. I mean, if people ask you something, you answer the question or at least say "I can't answer that." / "I won't answer that". Are there common reasons for monks to react with non-responses when asked something ?

And also: How to react to those non-responses? just ask two times more?

Best wishes,
Alobha
User avatar
retrofuturist
Posts: 27848
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 9:52 pm
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: How to understand and react to non-responses.

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings Alobha,

Sometimes the unwilingness to respond may be because the person being questioned knows or suspects that the answer will give rise to suffering, confusion, conflict, or some other unpleasantness... things they do not wish to be accountable for bringing unto others.

By asking three times, it means that the questioner really wants to know, and in doing so they are prepared to accept and own the consequences, and to wear any fallout, from the response that is eventually given.

There may be other reasons, but that is one.

Metta,
Retro. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
User avatar
LonesomeYogurt
Posts: 900
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:24 pm
Location: America

Re: How to understand and react to non-responses.

Post by LonesomeYogurt »

Also it should be pointed out that the "ask three times" system for framing a sermon is a common setup in Indian literature. I wouldn't take it too literally.

Retro is right. Either the monk is being a jerk, or more likely, he knows that the question you're asking isn't going to help you escape suffering. Try and respect his decision and reflect on what drives you to want the answer. Is it simply curiosity and distractive theorizing or is it applicable and beneficial instruction?

If you feel as though the question really is important, or if the question is something like, "Hey, what did you do with all the donations?" then it's best to push, but overall, I think "Sit and watch the breath" is all you really need to know :smile:
Gain and loss, status and disgrace,
censure and praise, pleasure and pain:
these conditions among human beings are inconstant,
impermanent, subject to change.

Knowing this, the wise person, mindful,
ponders these changing conditions.
Desirable things don’t charm the mind,
undesirable ones bring no resistance.

His welcoming and rebelling are scattered,
gone to their end,
do not exist.
- Lokavipatti Sutta

Stuff I write about things.
User avatar
Cittasanto
Posts: 6646
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 10:31 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin
Contact:

Re: How to understand and react to non-responses.

Post by Cittasanto »

Alobha wrote:Perhaps somebody already encountered the situation, that a monk is asked a question and he doesn't respond to it, seemingly acts as if he would ignore what was said or ignore the person.
The Suttas are full of situations where laypeople would need to ask a question three times before a monk would respond.

Can anyone tell me how to understand this kind of behavior?
What does it mean when monks don't respond in a) the suttas and
b) how does it differ when monks act like this nowadays?

Personally, I find it hard to understand why monks act like this in modern times. It easily comes across as rude and depreciative and doesn't help with solving conflicts if something unskillful was said. I mean, if people ask you something, you answer the question or at least say "I can't answer that." / "I won't answer that". Are there common reasons for monks to react with non-responses when asked something ?

And also: How to react to those non-responses? just ask two times more?

Best wishes,
Alobha
hi Alobha,
Something I find useful to remember when engaging with others, but couldn't find the source when looking for it recently
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/power_of_judgment.html wrote:In passing judgment on your faults, an admirable friend is like a trainer. Once, when a horse trainer came to see the Buddha, the Buddha asked him how he trained his horses. The trainer said that some horses responded to gentle training, others to harsh training, others required both harsh and gentle training, but if a horse didn't respond to either type of training, he'd kill the horse to maintain the reputation of his teachers' lineage. Then the trainer asked the Buddha how he trained his students, and the Buddha replied, "In the same way." Some students responded to gentle criticism, others to harsh criticism, others to a mixture of the two, but if a student didn't respond to either type of criticism, he'd kill the student. This shocked the horse trainer, but then the Buddha explained what he meant by "killing": He wouldn't train the student any further, which essentially killed the student's opportunity to grow in the practice.
this may not always be the case especially when it is a discussion. But it is useful to remember.

Not all monks will act like this and not all follow the guidelines of the Buddha - there are good and bad monks after-all - but this does not mean that it is or can be a good framework to use to look at the situation.
Blog, Suttas, Aj Chah, Facebook.

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.
John Stuart Mill
User avatar
Alobha
Posts: 565
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2011 8:27 pm
Location: Germany

Re: How to understand and react to non-responses.

Post by Alobha »

Sadhu! thanks people :anjali:
Post Reply