pegembara wrote:i had a realization in my spiritual journey resulting in attachments breaking down. my mind was not able to attach in the same way and i felt the dissolution of my mental habits. i just returned to the present moment whatever mental habit i tried to do. it was joyful and deeply relaxing but also strange and i was in fear my ability to carry out my daily work would suffer. my realization was that there is nothing outside or mentally inside - no thing, no idea, no future, no past - having any meaning within. We (our ego) put meaning inside everything - inside ideas, situations, etc - and thereby we make ourselves committed to act according to these meanings - i must get rich, because i am poor and it is a shame. we bind ourselves to everything and that is not freedom. people are always on their way to something, you can see it in their eyes, but there is no something to go to - even if you go to the bus - because we are always here..
The realization sounds very "Buddhist". Perhaps without labels there little difference.
It has crossed my mind, but i chose not to interpret it in buddhist terms because it would be better having a teachers guidance or you will easily create pride as you think you have achieved something on the imagined "buddhistic ladder of success".
I have later read a lot to try to find a context. My realization can be called ego-death and is found in almost all spiritual traditions. and a slight "dark night of the soul" did follow in my experience. you may Google the terms. it is a part of many spiritual traditions. I guess Buddhism build upon this, to some extent, but has a very precise outlining for how to deal and develop this into something much deeper that is in accordance with buddhism.
We all have personal interests in life. some like to create things. some strive for a goal in the future. suddenly all of this fell apart for a moment. It happens to people in traumatic events for example. for me it happened was because of critically examining my own beliefs - i often do - and i somehow momentary released my attachment these deeply rooted beliefs. when my old beliefs fell apart; I then asked myself: what then am i supposed to do here in life, and i realized there is nothing to do. Be careful here what i mean! I saw how any idea of things to do was just an idea, and the appeal to follow this idea was due to me putting a value (meaning) in this idea. but at the moment i had become free from putting value in the ideas entering my mind - i let them be - and therefore i did not attach to them. I realized that if i would attach to an idea it would be mental tension and my mind did not want that. I was free. now... if you suddenly do not attach to any of your habitual egoistical ideas - ex. "i am great at sports" - any more, because the mind does experience it as a tension, then you are going to be really confused because the whole sense of a self is built upon attaching to these ideas. you will also feel bliss, calm and in the moment.
the first moment of realization was not dramatic. it was just some curious thinking and some experiences. I later did not thing more about it. then a day or two later this repulsion towards attaching really kicked in for some reason. it did feel as it was not me doing it. my "me" was out of context and in this void a greater force started to operate to release me from my old mental habits - all in a slight bliss.
my voice changed, my body-language became extremely calm, i became sensitive to other peoples emotions as i could stay in the moment with them just experiencing rather then thinking. pain was no bothering me - i just experienced the nuances. no one could hurt me - i saw how any evil actions was just created and existed within the "sphere" of the person doing it and it did not affect me as i did not attach. i could just sit and watch people with hungry eyes and ask myself - what are they striving for. my body became more relaxed then i have ever experienced. Other highly private things changed permanently, and these changes are evidence enough, for me, that this was more powerful then anything make-believe.
It all happened in the span of a few days. I shifted back and forth between my old self and this strange state. Later I did fall out of this state totally, and I hit the ground hard. It was terrible to start to attach to all things again. Feeling “raw” and stressful. I badly wanted to go back but I realized it was my ego clinging to the memory of it all. Much later I was totally back into my old attachment-behavior.
I wrote about my realization as it may be related to what happened later - my experiences with "higher beings". I shared more details as to make it clearer.
Dan74 wrote:People who admit to having "non-ordinary" experiences cop a lot of flak from others trying to convince them that they are either making it up or delusional, usually.
Sometimes you may feel inclined to speak up and discover others who share similar experiences but be prepared for some serious mudslinging.
I asked myself often if I was making it up. I have later read about people doing the same, and about some even becoming alcoholics because they can't cope with their experiences (accept them). But this was without doubt nothing I would have the imagination, energy, or interest in creating at will. I have decided to take the risk of being labeled as fake or crazy because it is more important I am true to myself then trying to adapt to others beliefs. The most important thing: this was deeply significant to my mind when it (the higher-beings-thing) happened – I felt such a deep release, acceptance, and love.
