David N. Snyder wrote:I don't think some romantic love is an unreasonable expectation from her.
David N. Snyder wrote:Renunciation is great, but has a time and place. As lay people we can still practice forms of renunciation, for example, going on a retreat for our work-vacation time instead of a cruise and other things.
puppha wrote:What about if she is unhappy because I don't drink alcohol? I have been reproached that many times...
David N. Snyder wrote:If you started the Buddhist practice after marriage, you may need to do more compromising, since it's "not what she signed up for" so to speak, but that still doesn't mean you can't follow and progress on the path you have chosen.
A balanced mind is necessary to balance the unbalanced minds of others.
—Sayagyi U Ba Khin
puppha wrote:For example, she would like me to experience stronger emotions (of joy or sadness), enjoy wordly pleasures,
"Desire can be compared to fire. If we grasp fire, what happens? Does it lead to happiness? If we say: ‘Oh, look at that beautiful fire! Look at the beautiful colours! I love red and orange; they’re my favourite colours,’ and then grasp it, we would find a certain amount of suffering entering the body. And then if we were to contemplate the cause of that suffering we would discover it was the result of having grasped that fire. On that information, we would, hopefully, then let the fire go. Once we let fire go, then we know that it is something not to be attached to. This does not mean we have to hate it, or put it out. We can enjoy fire, can’t we? It is nice having a fire, it keeps the room warm, but we do not have to burn ourselves in it.
When we really contemplate suffering, we no longer incline towards grasping hold of desire, because it hurts, is painful, there is no point in doing it. So, from that time on, we understand, ‘Oh! That’s why I’m suffering; that’s its origin. Ah! now I understand. It’s that grasping hold of desire that causes me all this misery and suffering, all this fear, worry, expectation, despair, hatred, greed, delusion. All the problems of life come from grasping and clinging to the fire of desire."
puppha wrote:Are you responsible for his/her unhappiness?
Khalil Bodhi wrote:Quite simply: no. You are responsible, however, for your own actions and the intentions which underlie them.
SDC wrote:Responsible? No. Happiness/unhappiness comes from how a person thinks and you cannot be responsible for that. An influence on their happiness or unhappiness? Absolutely.
SDC wrote:With any relationship that you value, you should give it your best to make adjustments towards one another’s way of thinking if you want to prevent resentment and anger.
puppha wrote:My question is the following: someone has some expectations from you (either spoken or unspoken), you do not meet those expectations for whatever reason, the person is unhappy. Are you responsible for his/her unhappiness?
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