Porn Free for 90 Days

An open and inclusive investigation into Buddhism and spiritual cultivation

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Dmytro » Tue Sep 18, 2012 3:26 pm

Reading your posts, I feel pain of your desperate efforts.

I have an impression that you are tackling the problem with sheer willpower.
Skilful methods are also needed in the development of virtue.

Let me share with you the excerpts from two books:

"The two parts of genuine acceptance —seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion—are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together, they enable us to fly and be free.

The wing of clear seeing is often described in Buddhist practice as mindfulness. This is the quality of awareness that recognizes exactly what is happening in our moment-to-moment experience. When we are mindful of fear, for instance, we are aware that our thoughts are racing, that our body feels tight and shaky, that we feel compelled to flee—and we recognize all this without trying to manage our experience in any way, without pulling away.

Our attentive presence is unconditional and open—we are willing to be with whatever arises, even if we wish the pain would end or that we could be doing something else. That wish and that thought become part of what we are accepting. Because we are not tampering with our experience, mindfulness allows us to see life “as it is.” This recognition of the truth of our experience is intrinsic to Radical Acceptance: We can’t honestly accept an experience unless we see clearly what we are accepting.

The second wing of Radical Acceptance, compassion, is our capacity to relate in a tender and sympathetic way to what we perceive. Instead of resisting our feelings of fear or grief, we embrace our pain with the kindness of a mother holding her child. Rather than judging or indulging our desire for attention or chocolate or sex, we regard our grasping with gentleness and care. Compassion honors our experience; it allows us to be intimate with the life of this moment as it is."

http://blog.tarabrach.com/2012/05/unfol ... tance.html

"WORKING WITH DIFFICULT THOUGHTS

For this exercise, intentionally bring to mind a thought that will trigger some emotion. It may be a memory that sparks annoyance, anger, or sadness. It might be an expectation that causes envy, fear, or shame.

As you give rise to the difficult thoughts, be conscious that they form stories in your mind, but feel the impact of these emotionally charged thoughts in the body.

Is there tightness in your chest, shoulders, and face? Are there sensations in the belly or limbs?

Notice how these physical sensations manifest and evolve.

Notice how the emotional quality shifts, perhaps from anger to fear, pity, sadness, shame, worry, love, melancholy, or desire.

Emotions are dynamic processes that are in a state of flux. If you don't refuel them through obsessive thinking, they will change and fade.

We learn to be present to the full range of emotions by feeling their changing energetic expressions in the mind and body.

For example, anger might bring heated, agitated explosive feelings radiating from the chest; sadness might carry a sinking vulnerable quality in the belly; fear might create an unstable quivering sensation in the knees or throat. Attending to the physical manifestations of emotions keeps attention focused on the process long enough for you to learn directly about how these difficult states impact your mind.

When the mind is obsessed by a difficult emotion, it may construct repetitive stories about who did what and why. Caught in the storyline, you might dwell on painful narratives and not discover how to free the mind from the painful thoughts. Let go of the story and ivestigate the emotion directly. When you allow feelings to evolve through their natural changes, the emotional landscape clears, like clouds passing on a stormy or windy day."

http://www.amazon.com/Focused-Fearless- ... 861715608/
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby cittaanurakkho » Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:37 pm

In addition to the faulness of body meditation, I'd like recommend a couple of tricks that may alleviate addiction to porn.

One is to do a photo montage in your mind when you find yourself watching or fantasizing porn. When you see: tight skin - wrinkle it, beautiful hair - grey it, curvy shape - sag it.

Second is if during meditation you have erection, then do meditation on space element.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Fri Sep 21, 2012 9:43 am

dhammapal wrote:Still Day 1.

I found some medical videos on youtube, with a female doctor calmly pointing out the female anatomy of the women, which addressed my curiosity from my teenage years. So now I'll never use porn again! as in porn nothing stands still long enough to be analyzed and it is designed to provoke craving. Anyway even the medical videos seem to have raised my blood pressure (140/100) and given me chest discomfort. I spent 2 1/4 hours in the medical centre this afternoon. I noticed there was subtle discomfort in my chest when I looked at women in the waiting room or particularly on the TV. Finally I met a professional and calm doctor. He said I don't need to masturbate that a prostate infection is caused by bacteria. He listened to all my symptoms and treated me with a short-acting tranquillizer that I usually take an hour before the dentist. Things should calm down now that I am letting go of surfing youtube for a while.

So even if the nude women online are satisfactory for orgasm there will be increased lust for women encountered in daily life even though they are not as attractive. My approach on seeing a woman of "I could always look it up on the InterNet" was misguided. Looking up on the InterNet what she might look like in the nude actually leads to mental undressing and unfair sexual desires. And getting obsessed on women and forgetting about the Dhamma.

With metta / dhammapal.

Day 4. I am not missing porn at all or even the health awareness medical videos. I am just hoping I can be free from physical health dangers (I have a heart condition) and enjoy a long life so that I can focus on my Buddhist studies.

Having watched the breast exam video I'm not wanting to see other women's breasts but as a result of looking at the video my mind mentally undresses women I see during daily life with associated subtle discomfort in my chest. My blood pressure was 160/90 today, although partly from the exciting news that the Anguttara Nikaya is on its way!

With metta / dhammapal.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Digity » Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:48 pm

I'm off porn too! Lol! My goal is to do the 90 days. I've gone about a week now. I don't think it will change me much, but I still think it's good to get away from the stuff.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Alex123 » Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:51 pm

tiltbillings wrote:Eeeewwww.


This is what sex is.
When two people are having it, they are someone's potential parents.
I was not; I was; I am not; I do not care."
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:16 am

Day 8.

My heart pounded late last night wanting to re-watch a video introducing a life drawing class. Then I had to go to the bathroom which defused things. The lust came back in the middle of the night but I thought that if I watched it I would mentally undress women I was going to meet today. I've never had sex but I'm told that not all women have strong PC muscles which is a humorous and effective thought for reducing lust when they are otherwise beautiful. The lady I was thinking of regarding nudity came into the room after shopping for the cooking class and said she had forgot the noodles! After I don't sleep the Universe seems to tease me with meaningful coincidences with words, names and songs. Back to normal now.

With metta / dhammapal.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Hanzze » Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:53 am

Dhammapal,

Hiri, moral shame is something that keeps us from doing wrong. If there is no shame or even not the wish to develop such a shame, it is difficult.

For instance, if somebody has no shame to tell shameless things he will do it on and on, till he reaslizes how other would think about him. To remeber on others, sometimes one could even think that devas would watch him all the time, would be very helpful.

Like a child needs to have some education to learn the limits, also our mind needs to learn the limits. If there is no teacher, the mind is like a child. We have to punish it sometimes.

You could punish your mind a little if you recall a disgusting picture as soon as it runs crazy. Or you can remember us watching you since a longer time. You really wanna be a ugly guy?

Remember your teachers, the Buddha and friends, this generosity is far more greater then you could repay with things outside of getting your mind on the right way. If there is to less compassion for one self, try it with gratitude and see the sadness in the eyes of those who support and help you while standing behind of you all the time.

You could even be somebody who helps others out rather that to cause them worry or give them a feeling that it is not possible to go beyond tendencies.
Just that! *smile*
...We Buddhists must find the courage to leave our temples and enter the temples of human experience, temples that are filled with suffering. If we listen to Buddha, Christ, or Gandhi, we can do nothing else. The refugee camps, the prisons, the ghettos, and the battlefields will become our temples. We have so much work to do. ... Peace is Possible! Step by Step. - Samtach Preah Maha Ghosananda "Step by Step" http://www.ghosananda.org/bio_book.html

BUT! it is important to become a real Buddhist first. Like Punna did: Punna Sutta Nate sante baram sokham _()_
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Dharmastarter » Fri Sep 28, 2012 2:26 pm

Porn free for 7 days! I cant hold on more than 21 days so far. Gotta keep trying :) Glad that i am not alone :P And Thanks people for the wise advice you all have given me from the thread i created a month ago ~ It really helped people :D
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby manas » Sat Sep 29, 2012 2:53 am

I've got a simple but drastic solution that is amazingly effective: get rid of the computer - literally get it out of the home, give it away, recycle it or whatever - and only access the Internet from your local library, until such a time as the porn-masturbation-orgasm obsession has been broken, totally. Then, get a new computer and use it wisely.

metta.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Moth » Sat Sep 29, 2012 3:00 am

Just keep trying, it can be done.
May you be happy. May you be a peace. May you be free from suffering.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:04 am

Day 14.

I seriously think I am cured. :) A lot of the drive for seeking photos of nude women was not beauty but curiosity and frustration at the years of secrecy through poor sex education at school and in the media. Last time I checked Wikipedia only has drawings except for the Germans who have less inhibitions. Finding the medical videos with someone calmly pointing out the female anatomy has helped a lot. Also I remembered the Beauty Queen sutta. Looking at porn (or even the medical videos) whilst balancing a bowl of oil on one's head oil gets spilt everywhere. What a mess! Better now :)

With metta / dhammapal.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Moth » Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:51 pm

I do hope that you have indeed overcome your addiction, but I must warn you not to get over confident and let your guard down. It will probably arise again. More important than intellectualizing why you should not watch porn is to practice experiencing craving without doing anything about it. Watching porn creates a link between the feeling of lust and the act of gratifying that lust. I think the key is to separate this link, to be able to feel lust and let it pass or intentionally diffuse it.
May you be happy. May you be a peace. May you be free from suffering.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Dharmastarter » Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:06 am

Lasted for 13 days until just now . i saw kate mitledon :( f*** i actaully taught i was cured already :(
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby maverick » Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:02 am

Its been around 8 years I have been trying to get out of this addiction and have not succeeded completely but have made significant progress.
In last 4 years I have watched pron (video/Pic) max 1 - 2 times, and I believe I am pretty much out of it. But regarding masturbation I haven't achieved much, In the last 8 years I only have been able to last 3 month once. I am constantly trying to prolong that period and these days it last around 20-25 days in average.

What I have observed is at the end of 20 - 25 days period a kind of intense sensation arises in my body and I can't keep up just observe it, it even make me awake from my sleep sometimes and I just succumb to it and I act ;). Just like a person addicted toward nicotine grab a cigarette and ...

I get rid of my addiction toward smoking, drinking, its been around 4 years. These days I even don't have must preference over taste of food, to train my palate I practiced for few months eating food without spices and salt, just watching the sensations while eating. But I found this addiction toward sex a very deep rooted one and the most hard addiction to get rid of.

This is the Fifth week. Will keep trying.

:anjali:
From an inconstruable beginning comes transmigration. A beginning point is not evident, though beings hindered by ignorance and fettered by craving are transmigrating & wandering on. Long have you thus experienced stress, enough to be RELEASED.

The path is not about becoming a better person — it is about putting an end to becoming
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Digity » Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:01 am

Is masturbaring once in a while really that bad? I haven't looked at porn in almost a month and I'm actually glad. I think I just got sick of the stuff so stopping hasn't been to hard.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby tiltbillings » Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:30 am

Digity wrote:Is masturbaring once in a while really that bad?
Yes. You will burn in everlasting hellfire.
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Fri Oct 05, 2012 5:07 am

tiltbillings wrote:
Digity wrote:Is masturbaring once in a while really that bad?
Yes. You will burn in everlasting hellfire.

Well, at least you'll be warm.
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Aloka » Fri Oct 05, 2012 5:27 am

dhammapal wrote: Yes I've read the teaching that if headed for a human rebirth then during the death-rebirth process one watches a mother and father having sex.


That's a Tibetan Buddhist Bardo teaching -and the lamas say that when ready to be reborn one is attracted to a couple copulating somewhere, one is filled with lust and fascination for the sex-act and thus drawn into the mother's womb. (note that there's an "I" experiencing all of that)

So if that's true, better switch off your computer porn, and do some jogging instead, because it might be a couple of cockroaches you get attracted to!

.
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Dan74 » Fri Oct 05, 2012 5:37 am

Ben wrote:
tiltbillings wrote:
Digity wrote:Is masturbaring once in a while really that bad?
Yes. You will burn in everlasting hellfire.

Well, at least you'll be warm.


well, if you are pining for sunny Ballarat, I was there just a week ago and it was minimum 0°. Brass monkey weather, as my old mate Chris used to say.
_/|\_
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Fri Oct 05, 2012 9:54 am

Dan74 wrote:
Ben wrote:Well, at least you'll be warm.


well, if you are pining for sunny Ballarat, I was there just a week ago and it was minimum 0°. Brass monkey weather, as my old mate Chris used to say.


As you know I used to live in Ballarat then Creswick. It snowed there. Damn cold in winter and stifling hot in summer. When I came to Tasmania I spent my first winter outside in a t-shirt.
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

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