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Listening to someone and being mindful - Dhamma Wheel

Listening to someone and being mindful

On the cultivation of insight/wisdom
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purple planet
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Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby purple planet » Mon Oct 08, 2012 8:29 pm

I guess this question was asked a million times in different ways but i never got the answer -

i remembered it watching this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhDsCFhD ... ure=relmfu

that got the sound removed from it and i was thinking : noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!

so the question is : how to be mindful while listening to someone and to actually listen to him and not just saying in the head "hearing hearing hearing .... "
Please send merit to my dog named Mika who has passed away - thanks in advance

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Cittasanto
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Cittasanto » Mon Oct 08, 2012 8:47 pm



He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

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purple planet
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby purple planet » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:00 pm

What you are saying is true and it seems to be part of right speech

but what about the part about noting listening while listening ? its hard to get what your being told when you note " listening listening listening ...."
Please send merit to my dog named Mika who has passed away - thanks in advance

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Goofaholix
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Goofaholix » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:01 pm


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Cittasanto
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Cittasanto » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:05 pm



He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

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Modus.Ponens
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Modus.Ponens » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:26 pm

I think the noting technique was designed for silent retreats, so there are cases where what you're doing isn't apropriate for the noting technique, such as having a dialogue.

Anyway, I'm curious to see more answers as I have dificulty in this area, because your awareness becomes intense enough so that you don't have anything to focus on when there's a pause in the speech, such as "erm...", for example.
He turns his mind away from those phenomena, and having done so, inclines his mind to the property of deathlessness: 'This is peace, this is exquisite — the resolution of all fabrications; the relinquishment of all acquisitions; the ending of craving; dispassion; cessation; Unbinding.'
(Jhana Sutta - Thanissaro Bhikkhu translation)

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purple planet
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby purple planet » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:42 pm

Thanks for the answers so far -

i totally got things wrong i guess - i understood that you simply cant be mindful when you speak listen or study ...

I followed the monk yuttdhammo teachings and his way of teaching - i allways get things wrong so probobly i got this thing wrong also -

i thought i should note everything - so i would like people who do this type of mindfulness by noting explain to me what they do when they listen - do you Cittasanto and Goofaholix use noting in daily life - or at least use to use it in the past ? and if so did you stop it when listening

edit : and of course i would love to hear anything anyone wants to add also if he does zen also
Last edited by purple planet on Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Please send merit to my dog named Mika who has passed away - thanks in advance

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Goofaholix
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Goofaholix » Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:26 pm


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purple planet
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby purple planet » Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:33 pm

Please send merit to my dog named Mika who has passed away - thanks in advance

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Cittasanto
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Cittasanto » Tue Oct 09, 2012 5:50 am



He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

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Alobha
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Alobha » Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:09 am


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Dan74
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Dan74 » Tue Oct 09, 2012 11:38 am

:goodpost:

Another take on it is let go. Take a nice slow breath as the other person begins to talk, don't be in a hurry to respond, don't worry about the content - "is it right?" "is it wrong?" "is it good?" - just open yourself up to it, as if you are hearing your mothers lullaby. Nothing to defend against, no need to react, let the words and the sound work on you. Let them go deep into you. Feel them in every part of you like music. It is an experience - not a battle. Let the content of what is being said sink into you and let the response arise naturally without hurrying it. Do not feel the need to respond, to sound a certain way, to make an impression, to argue or to agree. Trust the process.

Listening is an art that takes a lot of patience as we master it and a lot of equanimity. It takes time.
_/|\_

Buckwheat
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Buckwheat » Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:20 pm

Hi Purple Planet,
Just to add another voice, as you asked for:

I find that most exercises for mindfulness are more about establishing mindfulness and getting centered. Once my mindfulness is established, so long as I stick to wholesome activities (not indulging sense pleasures, incl thoughts) then mindfulness stays strong with only minimal maintenance from a little tiny part of my mind that just looks at the situation fully. In a conversation, if I start to feel less than fully engaged, that part of the brain may note "distracted" and once I return to fully engaged I can let mindfulness run on semi-auto-pilot. I find it a balancing act: not enough intention to maintain mindfulness, to stay engaged with the moment, aware of the appropriate object of awareness, and mindfulness will deteriorate rapidly. Too much intention to maintain mindfulness and attention is not on the appropriate object because it is on mindfulness itself.

The best way to work on this is to meditate a couple of hours a day (30m morn, 60m afternoon, 30 evening is my routine on a wholesome day). When I can do this, my mindfulness tends to stay strong throughout the day. Otherwise, it takes a little more effort and deteriorates over the course of the day. However, if you can not meditate that much, just keep meditating as much as you can, and remember to re-engage with the moment when inattention arises. Its a practice.

Mindfulness killers: TV, internet, talking (instead of listening), studying facts instead of mind-body processes, thinking about food, sex, or money. Anything that stirs up passion creates a distracting force, making it hard for mindfulness to keep attention on the appropriate object.
Sotthī hontu nirantaraṃ - May you forever be well.

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purple planet
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby purple planet » Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:40 pm

Last edited by purple planet on Wed Oct 10, 2012 6:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
Please send merit to my dog named Mika who has passed away - thanks in advance

Yana
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Yana » Wed Oct 10, 2012 2:56 am

Life is preparing for Death

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Kamran
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Kamran » Wed Oct 10, 2012 3:14 am

Part of your attention is on the speaker the other part is on your body, or breath. Depending on how much attention is needed to understand what is going on you may need to put 80% on the speaker and 20% on your body, 50/50 or whatever. Just don't let your awareness completely go out of you. I believe the 99% that Thanissaro recomends is specifically while listening to a dhamma talk which he gives to monks while they are meditating(i.e not when your at work or in a class ).
"Silence gives answers"

Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi

Buckwheat
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Buckwheat » Sat Oct 13, 2012 3:31 am

Sotthī hontu nirantaraṃ - May you forever be well.

Buckwheat
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby Buckwheat » Sat Oct 13, 2012 3:35 am

Sotthī hontu nirantaraṃ - May you forever be well.

xtracorrupt
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby xtracorrupt » Wed Oct 31, 2012 1:52 am

theres is no need for needing

pegembara
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Re: Listening to someone and being mindful

Postby pegembara » Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:10 am

And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.


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