I sometimes imagine a hellish place... a battlefield... ruins of houses and corpses here and there, and the sound of war around, guns, screams... I'm seing myself sitting down slowly and sitting there calmly with dignity, placing my right palm in my left, just breathing, just listening. knowing it can end any second, but unmoved by it. a bullet goes by my head and scrapes the skin. so close... still nothing moves inside more than being aware of it. i just feel calm. at peace. not longing for death, that's not it. i just feel at peace, and there is not much i can do anyway.
Another setting i sometimes imagine is a group of people grabbing my arm and sawing it off slowly, first at the wrist, then elbow, then shoulder... repeating this with all my limbs... i feel the pain, but i still strangely feel at peace somehow... the pain is no longer suffering in the way i usually see it... I don't resist... it isnt a pleasant bodily feeling that's for sure... but it feels rather like strong energy now... and i don't feel hate towards those who do it towards me... i think "this is how it is. this is how this life is" and I watch these parts of the body getting taken away from me, or rather "separated". I don't feel like there is something really taken that was really mine in the first place.