imaginos wrote:I have been meditating twice a day for 2 years and half and still, time to time, I have to clench my teeth and fists to sit and meditate.
Aversion toward meditation is very common and sooner or later, you need to confront it.
And? Did you discouver any progress during these last 2 years? Something that tells you that the confrontation will pay off in the end? Or are you telling us that you exactly still feel just like before you've started meditation?
As for me, I can totally understand Digity!
I've been doing the same for 1,5 years now, 2 times a day often - without even a trace of progress! No blissful experince, no relief of stress, no inner peace, no "weird experiences", no nimitta, no pittishuka, no sudden joy, no sudden sadness, no more mindfulness in daily life, no more concentration in daily life, no more inner peace in daily life...well, some of you might remember the other thread I've started...nothing has changed since then.
Okay, there's one effect I always feel: Exhaustion. At the end of meditating, I feel tired and exhausted every time because forcing my mind to be either aware of all distractions (Vipassana) or of concentrating on one single object (Samadhi) is just such a drain - not gain - of energy! But this is what meditation is: Forcing your mind to a meditation object or the sensations by mere willpower until... "something" happens...right?
Of course, other activites are exhausting too - like yoga, jogging, weight lifting, learning for mathematics, practising a music instrument, etc. But you get something back from these activities! You become more skillful, the hard work always pays off and you get something back from it. Which is why activities like these make sense. As for meditation, I've done it like you said, imaginos: I've clenched my teeth and worked so hard to force my mind to the object again and again, but contrary to all the other things, it has given me nothing back! It only got worse, especially right after the meditation session, I soon felt like being drowned in the stream of thoughts, making me feel like I didn't meditate at all.
So why I'm still trying to do this? Why I'm actually here? I don't know for sure anymore.
As for Digity, I can only agree with him. 'til now, it all feels like one big hoax. Are you telling me now that it's normal to feel like this for the whole first 2 years?