Attachment and my new baby daughter

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DNS
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Re: Attachment and my new baby daughter

Post by DNS »

Individual wrote: I would never separate any kind of foolishness from attachment, the two are virtually synonymous, and never justify any form of attachment of any kind -- the second noble truth applies to all circumstances.
You are describing the ideal, of course. Not all of us are arahants yet. The Buddha allowed for lay people and lay people were allowed to engage in sexual relations even though it is not the ideal and of course not done by arahants or the ordained. From Ven. Dhammika:
While accepting that sex is a normal part of lay life, the Buddha generally had a poor opinion of it. He disparaged it as ‘a village thing’ (gāma dhamma, D.I,4); i.e. common, unsophisticated and worldly. He understood that a heightened desire for sensual pleasure (kāmacchanda) causes physical and psychological restlessness and that this diverts one’s attention from spiritual aspirations and hinders meditation. He encouraged his more serious disciples to limit their sexual behaviour or to embrace celibacy (brahmacariya). Monks and nuns, of course, are required to be celibate. However, experience shows that taking a vow of celibacy when one is not ready for it can be anything but helpful. Constantly struggling against and denying sexual desire can create more problems than it solves and in fact can even be psychologically harmful.
(from BuddhismAtoZ,com)

In the same way that lay people are allowed to engage in sexual relations and also have children, there comes responsibilities with that. I'm not saying parents should be obsessive, but certainly there is a greater love or attachment or whatever you want to call it given by a parent to their children than what is done to others. And this is done out of necessity and care for the children.

There was good reason the Buddha did not allow the monks and nuns to get married and have children; all of the attachments and worldly concerns that come with it. Parents can still practice the Dhamma and especially the brahma viharas, but for their infant and toddler children, a greater care is needed. But most parents will find that the practice does test them and makes them grow and then when the children pass those critical first years, the practice can even get better.
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bodom
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Re: Attachment and my new baby daughter

Post by bodom »

Peter wrote:
bodom_bad_boy wrote:I am so afraid that i have just brought the biggest sense of attachment into my life with the birth of my first daughter.
I think whether or not you had a baby you're level of attachment is the same. It is within you. All the baby does is serve as an object for that attachment. It is like a chair sitting in a dark room - even though you can't see the chair it is still there. Having the baby is like turning on the light in the room - now you can see the chair clearly. In this way the baby is very helpful to you as she provides the opportunity for you to see your chair... I mean your attachment... clearly. In this way you know you still have work to do and how much and what kind.

For example, my daughter revels to me that I still need to develop patience, energy, and loving-kindness. She has given me plenty of opportunities to develop these things, and I know these qualities have gotten stronger as a result, but I can see I still have more to go.

There is a Buddhist story (maybe from Zen?) about a monk who spends years in a cave and thinks he has perfected his qualities so he goes down into town to start teaching others. On a busy road a villager accidentally bumps into him. The monk immediately gets angry and yells at the villager to watch where he is going! The point of the story is the anger was always inside of the monk but in the cave there was nothing to reveal it.

I hope this is helpful, from one new father to another. :)
Thank you peter for that. That is a very helpful to me. Thanks to everyone for your input.

:namaste:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
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Re: Attachment and my new baby daughter

Post by rowyourboat »

getting rid of attachment completely is only possible only at the non returner stage. I take it you are not there yet! so dont worry about this now- prematurely taking on such a huge project like getting rid of attachment is not likely to succeed at an early stage. so continue with your practice the best that you can and try not to have aversion that your child in the way of your practice somehow- she is not. Make it an opportunity to develop new things- like selflessness. there are always other areas of your mind to work on, other than attachment.

with metta
:namaste:
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Re: Attachment and my new baby daughter

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rowyourboat wrote:getting rid of attachment completely is only possible only at the non returner stage. I take it you are not there yet! so dont worry about this now- prematurely taking on such a huge project like getting rid of attachment is not likely to succeed at an early stage. so continue with your practice the best that you can and try not to have aversion that your child in the way of your practice somehow- she is not. Make it an opportunity to develop new things- like selflessness. there are always other areas of your mind to work on, other than attachment.
Exactly! That was my point, it is just that you (ryb) said it better. :smile:
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