meditation and supressed thoughts

[thom]

Hi all,

excuse my ignorance here but since ive been meditating (samatha) on a regular basis i.e every night. Ive found ive been faced with a lot of traumas related to my past. Its bloody scary and ive had terrible anxiety and even started questioning my relationship with my wife and issues that i have tried to ignore. Its feels like something inside me is brewing and if i dont deal with it i will explode. Ive been in tears at times.

Im wondering that maybe this is part of a healing process, can you give me your thoughts?

Thanks,

Thom

[Ben]

Hi Thom
This is a fairly common experience for people who practice samatha meditation intensively.
I recommend that you perhaps consider a form of vipassana meditation that will help you to deal with the uncomfortable dhammas that you are becoming aware of.
with metta,

Ben

[ALot]

I believe it's also helpful to build a positive foundation by practising generosity, keeping the five precepts and trying to do everything as well as you can during the day. Then reflect on those before meditation, it brings gladness to your mind. After that I also do some metta meditation for myself and others.

That's one way to prepare yourself, a sort of protection or balancing force, for whatever comes up in your meditation.

[Cittasanto]

Hi all,

excuse my ignorance here but since ive been meditating (samatha) on a regular basis i.e every night. Ive found ive been faced with a lot of traumas related to my past. Its bloody scary and ive had terrible anxiety and even started questioning my relationship with my wife and issues that i have tried to ignore. Its feels like something inside me is brewing and if i dont deal with it i will explode. Ive been in tears at times.

Im wondering that maybe this is part of a healing process, can you give me your thoughts?

Thanks,

Thom

something similar happened to me, all I could do was bear with it.
It did eventually culminate quite peaceably but even stopping meditation for a while didn't stop the panic attacks... I went through.

Try focusing on one thought at a time and look at how stressful it is, asking why you should take it as your own, or why it is relevant to the present? bring to mind the opposite qualities and memories that show why something is as it is now, and your own (and anyone else involved in the memories) good qualities, and why do remember why you are practicing. This may assist you.

For me it was a healing process and I found this text to be useful upon reflection.

attending to another theme... scrutinizing the drawbacks of those thoughts... paying no mind and paying no attention to those thoughts... attending to the relaxing of thought-fabrication with regard to those thoughts... beating down, constraining and crushing his mind with his awareness... steadies his mind right within, settles it, unifies it and concentrates it

[daverupa]

Indeed; Sila is important for this reason, among others.

---

You will not want to simply stare dumbfounded at what occurs to the mind, nor allow wandering ruminations; the practice need not change, but add skillful examination. Take note of your case, in bold:

"There is the case of the individual who has attained internal tranquility of awareness, but not insight into phenomena through heightened discernment. Then there is the case of the individual who has attained insight into phenomena through heightened discernment, but not internal tranquility of awareness. Then there is the case of the individual who has attained neither internal tranquility of awareness nor insight into phenomena through heightened discernment. And then there is the case of the individual who has attained both internal tranquility of awareness & insight into phenomena through heightened discernment.

The individual who has attained internal tranquility of awareness, but not insight into phenomena through heightened discernment, should approach an individual who has attained insight into phenomena through heightened discernment and ask him: 'How should fabrications be regarded? How should they be investigated? How should they be seen with insight?' The other will answer in line with what he has seen & experienced: 'Fabrications should be regarded in this way. Fabrications should be investigated in this way. Fabrications should be seen in this way with insight.' Then eventually he will become one who has attained both internal tranquility of awareness & insight into phenomena through heightened discernment.

[Yana]

Hello,

I am not sure what you mean about "healing process",May i ask how you experience these traumas. Do they come in the form of thoughts? In my personal experience which i am currently dealing with, when i practice Samatha my mind is calm and i don't get anxious..i think it helps me because i am normally a very anxious and jumpy person. I feel very calm now.But as soon as i go to sleepp i'm done for.. my i think.,"healing process" takes place in the form of dreams through the subconscious .When i fall asleep i have a lot of recurring violent and traumatic dreams. Some of them show some deeply buried issues..some seem to be things i am familiar with but never actually expereinced. I am still trying to figure things out.It's hard.Almost like the more i meditate the more my mind refuses to keep these issues hidden or buried.

I think also practice the precepts,be mindful,practice dana,good kamma,and keep a sincere heart to practice the dhamma..because i do feel very vulnerable practicing meditaion without protecting myself in that way.i dont know why i think like this but i really don't think it's going to go well without a at least a sincere heart.

[DAWN]

You have to practice sila much more.
Right speach, right action, right thought

This kind of fear arise when our sila is not perfect. Our mind is exposed to this kind of fear.
Try to find in your mind from what kind of your daily action, speach, toughts arise this fenomena. Ask yourself, what are you fear about? why? etc
Go through this fenomena to it root, and do what you have to do, destroy it.

Verse 124: If there is no wound on the hand, one may handle poison; poison does not affect one who has no wound; there can be no evil for one who has no evil intention.