Please Kick My Legs Out From Under Me!

[cbonanno]

Yes, having a hard time getting my meditation practice going again. I had a "f*** it, Buddhism is stupid" moment about a year ago and I stopped all practice and got rid of all my books. It was a good break and in itself it gave me some valuable insights but my mind is left feeling sloppy.

Now I am hesitant/fearful and afraid of looking like people I think I do not like so I have had a hard time starting to meditate again. I am also feel like I am on a precipice of sorts...

So, just looking for some advice and some cheerleading. This is not doubt, maybe some laziness, but there is something more, but I feel like I need my legs kicked out from under me.

Mettas Y'all,
Christian

[polarbuddha101]

F*ck it! Buddhism is chill! Now go meditate. Maybe you could consider going camping in the woods by yourself for a couple weeks and try to kickstart your meditation practice out there.

[cooran]

Hello cb,

It is important to have regular contact with others on the Path. Try to find a group that meets weekly. When you form friendships with other practising buddhists, attend teachings and go on short retreats (10 days) with an accredited teacher, things will improve. Leave any expectations behind.

with metta
Chris

[cbonanno]

F*ck it! Buddhism is chill! Now go meditate. Maybe you could consider going camping in the woods by yourself for a couple weeks and try to kickstart your meditation practice out there.

Yes, being alone has been on my mind and was looking for a place today. Need to be away from the grabby world noise for a bit.

[cbonanno]

Hello cb,

It is important to have regular contact with others on the Path. Try to find a group that meets weekly. When you form friendships with other practising buddhists, attend teachings and go on short retreats (10 days) with an accredited teacher, things will improve. Leave any expectations behind.

with metta
Chris

You touch on something that has been bothering me. Yes, there are quite a few groups near me but there is no accredited teacher to be found. Just people sitting and when I talk to them about anatta they look at me funny and tell me to leave. There is a Thai Monastery in Bolivia, NC I am thinking about visiting http://www.wat-carolina.com

thanks!

[daverupa]

afraid of looking like people I think I do not like

This is intriguing. What does such a one look like?

[santa100]

Gain inspiration from the Buddha's words by reading one or two suttas every day. You could use that cool "Random Sutta" feature on the main page of accesstoinsight.org and it'll display a random sutta for you to read..

[James the Giant]

This is inspiring and motivating for me. You are going to die. I'll say it again. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE:
Here's a sutta which says the same thing more poetically.

Thus have I heard. At one time the Blessed One was staying near Saavatthii, at Jeta Grove, in Anaathapindika's park. Now a certain deva, as the night was passing away, lighting up the whole Jeta Grove with his effulgent beauty, approached the Blessed One and, having approached, stood on one side.

Standing thus on one side, the deva spoke this verse before the Blessed One:

Life but leads to doom. Our time is short. From Decay there's naught can keep us safe. Contemplating thus the fear of death, Let's make merit that will bring us bliss.

[The Blessed One replied:]

Life but leads to doom. Our time is short. From Decay there's naught can keep us safe. Contemplating thus this fear of death, Scorn such worldly bait, seek final peace.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .wlsh.html

[santa100]

So true. What would we do without our Buddha's teaching!..

[Yana]

Every time i fee lazy and a million other excuses ...you know what goes through my head:

1.The zillion bad kamma i have created in countless past lives.. i mean life's just waiting to hand it down to me..the full force of my bad kamma... meditating could do a LOT to neutralize "SOME" of it at least.Meditation creates wholesome kamma. It's like your starting to pay off your debts before the debt collector gets you.

2.If i die today.....i might have to wait a pretty long time ,aeons,to be reborn a human again for a life like this.. a lifetime where The Buddha's teaching is still known..a lifetime where i can practice the dhamma. jeez.Personally,I mean that pretty much wakes me out of bed at 5 in the morning to sit.

3.If i die i don't want it to be confusing or chaotic.If i live i don't want it to be confusing and chaotic.So i meditate.

4.I don't want to suffer anymore.

To meditate and to practice the Dhamma.
You need to have the will .
You can have it by motivating or inspiring yourself.
Read dhamma books or suttas.
Listen to dhamma talks.
Contemplate about your life.
Find Buddhist groups.
Try not be around unsupportive people or distracting people.
Maybe pray do rituals,strengthen your faith in the Buddha,the Dhamma,and The Sangha.
Do Meditation on Death (Maranusati).Just contemplate on death a lot.That can really tackle laziness.
Remember,Everyday is one less day alive and Life is preparing for death.

Okay i hope this helps

[Aloka]

afraid of looking like people I think I do not like

This is intriguing. What does such a one look like?

Yes indeed. Please share, cbonanno !


_/\_

[cbonanno]

afraid of looking like people I think I do not like

This is intriguing. What does such a one look like?

Ha, yes, I think this is at the heart of what is stopping me. They look insincere, not that I know they are, but they look like they are all ego. Just do a google image search on "meditate" and that is the person I see in my mind. Afraid I will start bullshatting myself. I need strong intention and with strong intention I feel like my ego has a nice little hook to hold on to.

I am aware my mind is making it up but it is a challenge for me.

Thank you for focusing in on that. Mettas.

[cbonanno]

Thanks for all your replies, many of them fall short with me however. This is not a beginner's problem I feel. I used to have the urgency, but I have seen too much and it has dissipated since death is something different to me now.

I have been practicing on and off for a long time and I am having a hard time seeing, or believing, what further benefits I could get from practice. But I am going to a Won Buddhist center near me today. They have a nice room where I can walk in anytime to meditate. I think much of my laziness/stuckness stems from me moving back to a town where I created a lot of sensory pleasure conditioning and it is coming back to me as a familiar comfortable thing.

Yeah, I just think I am being lulled back into the sensory thing. Damn you Mara. Enjoying life is so much easier when you have gotten rid of your baggage, it makes worldliness so much more playful. Time to get on the Eight Precepts again....

[cbonanno]

afraid of looking like people I think I do not like

This is intriguing. What does such a one look like?

Yes indeed. Please share, cbonanno !


_/\_

Here is a good example.



LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!

[Aloka]

LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!

Wooo, its too high to be real !

[cbonanno]

Sat for two hours at the Won Buddhist meditation hall. It was just what I needed, a place not my home and conducive to meditation. Sat right down, but wow that was good in that it was hard. Pain, monkey mind....sheesh, feels like I am starting from scratch.

Going to a Tai Chi session there tonight as well.

Thanks all for your comments.

[bezieur]

Such feeling is a frustration (of no results, maybe). Don't force yourself to meditate, just observe yourself, or event just stay present to the moment. Do some "worldly" activity which give you satisfaction. From time to time read some Dhamma talks from your favourite Ahjan. You will be back on the cushion for sure.

bezieur.

[SarathW]

Hi Cabona
Do not meditate. Just live in the present moment and be aware of it!