What's the point?

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
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nrose619
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What's the point?

Postby nrose619 » Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:51 pm

I try being generous and kind and I just get stepped on by people. What's the point in being kind when people will just cut you down? Is there even a meaning to our existence? Sorry for the rant I just had a bad day and could really use some good advice. :cry:
"A silver bird
flies over the autumn lake.
When it has passed,
the lake's surface does not try
to hold on to the image of the bird."

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Re: What's the point?

Postby David N. Snyder » Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:42 pm

Sorry to hear of the bad day. This will pass. It is the intention that counts. There are some people who act like jerks or actually are jerks. Just remember you had the best of intentions and move on from there.

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Re: What's the point?

Postby daverupa » Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:52 pm

Do not underestimate equanimity in these sorts of environments; the brahmaviharas are facets of one viewpoint, rather than discreet perspectives to be wielded in turn.

:hug:
    "And how is it, bhikkhus, that by protecting oneself one protects others? By the pursuit, development, and cultivation of the four establishments of mindfulness. It is in such a way that by protecting oneself one protects others.

    "And how is it, bhikkhus, that by protecting others one protects oneself? By patience, harmlessness, goodwill, and sympathy. It is in such a way that by protecting others one protects oneself.
- Sedaka Sutta [SN 47.19]

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Re: What's the point?

Postby cooran » Tue Dec 11, 2012 12:03 am

nrose619 wrote:I try being generous and kind and I just get stepped on by people. What's the point in being kind when people will just cut you down? Is there even a meaning to our existence? Sorry for the rant I just had a bad day and could really use some good advice. :cry:

I empathise with your feelings, and would be interested to hear if you find anything of assistance in the following link.:
Www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/piy ... b1068.html

With metta
Chris
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---

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Re: What's the point?

Postby SarathW » Tue Dec 11, 2012 1:17 am

Hi Nrose
I had a minor car accident yesterday. (hit behind). I made an appointment with the panel beater and took time off from my work and went to see him just now. He said that he is too busy and did not even look at the car and ask me to come some other time!
Some people do not have feelings for others. I extended my loving kindness to the panel beater.

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Re: What's the point?

Postby Kim OHara » Tue Dec 11, 2012 2:57 am

Hi, nrose,
You've had lots of good answers already. here's another which I, at least, think is worth considering:
Everything we do inspires similar responses and actions from other people, so if we are nice to others, they tend to be (a little bit!) nicer to everyone around them, and the ripples spread out :smile: - sometimes returning to us, sometimes not. The same is true if we are nasty to others. :cry:

That can be expressed in terms of kamma and dependent origination if you like but I think we usually understand ideas better if we get rid of the barriers of foreign or technical terminology.

:namaste:
Kim

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Re: What's the point?

Postby cbonanno » Tue Dec 11, 2012 3:09 am

nrose619 wrote:I try being generous and kind and I just get stepped on by people. What's the point in being kind when people will just cut you down? Is there even a meaning to our existence? Sorry for the rant I just had a bad day and could really use some good advice. :cry:


The only true kindness has no point.

And on the meaning of existence...

mu.

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Re: What's the point?

Postby SamKR » Tue Dec 11, 2012 4:42 am

nrose619 wrote:I try being generous and kind and I just get stepped on by people. What's the point in being kind when people will just cut you down?

The point of being generous and kind is:
[...] ' he gives a gift with the thought, 'This is an ornament for the mind, a support for the mind.'
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

whatever others do in return of your generosity and kindness you can have benefits (even before they react to your generosity and kindness in good or bad way).

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Re: What's the point?

Postby DAWN » Tue Dec 11, 2012 6:12 am

If peoples are affected by greed, hatred and delusion - it's because they suffer to much. :console:
Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...
I'am sorry for my english

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Re: What's the point?

Postby Cittasanto » Tue Dec 11, 2012 6:52 am

nrose619 wrote:I try being generous and kind and I just get stepped on by people. What's the point in being kind when people will just cut you down? Is there even a meaning to our existence? Sorry for the rant I just had a bad day and could really use some good advice. :cry:

Acts of kindness and skilfulness support and develop wholesome mind states, which gladden the mind. the point of generosity and other acts of punya is to give us something we can be proud of in a way that undermines negative personal images.
Unfortunately others may not act as we may hope regarding these acts and other qualities we develop so equanimity should be developed to balance how the world may react. we don't do these things to show off to others (same as with the precepts) we do these things to show ourselves they are good to do because they support a skilful state of mind which makes it easier to practice.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."

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Re: What's the point?

Postby Annapurna » Tue Dec 11, 2012 10:15 am

SarathW wrote:Hi Nrose
I had a minor car accident yesterday. (hit behind). I made an appointment with the panel beater and took time off from my work and went to see him just now. He said that he is too busy and did not even look at the car and ask me to come some other time!
Some people do not have feelings for others. I extended my loving kindness to the panel beater.


Sorry to hear that! Hope it will get resolved soon!

However, if I may, it does happen that people are more busy at the moment are than we are!

Sometimes we can't imagine their schedules!

Like, Christmas business is high right now, and I am faced with a simular problem tomorrow.

I have an online shop and many people buy too late, of course, and then I have work days like last SUNDAY:

I worked from 8 -24, except for getting a bite to eat. On a Sunday. When you want to rest. And may need to.

Tomorrow a Lady would like to drop by who contacted me like 3 or 4 weeks ago about a gift.

Now, so close before Christmas, she would like to come by, when I don't even have a show room, and is causing me enourmous stress because I have a feeling what she actually wants is to have a nice cup of tea with me on her free day and chat, and take her time trying everything in front of the mirror, and then buy a small thing.

She wants to get a happy xmas feeling...

And I just don't have the time.

All I have time for is grab a thing, and ship it, and do it again....

and I knew this would happen and asked her before to do this earlier in the year.

*sigh*

All this I just said, so that you don't think things of the man, without knowing his schedule.

He might even have someone in the hospital, etc, pp.

Don't take it personally, he may be a jerk, but he may be not and just struggle...

Ok?

Big hug from me!

Off to work...
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/

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Re: What's the point?

Postby equilibrium » Tue Dec 11, 2012 10:34 am

nrose619 wrote:I try being generous and kind and I just get stepped on by people. What's the point in being kind when people will just cut you down? Is there even a meaning to our existence? Sorry for the rant I just had a bad day and could really use some good advice. :cry:

Your situation is like this:
Seeing someone in a pool and you notice the person cannot swim, you decide to dive in the pool so to save the person.....but you too could not swim!

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Re: What's the point?

Postby SarathW » Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:49 pm

Hi Annapurana
I know exactly what you mean. There are so much pressure on small business people now days. We all are in this rat race. I am thinking how to get out of this. Sometimes I think that I should be a monk. But now days, monks are more busy than lay people. There is no jungles they all have been cleared out by human. So I am hanging to this Dhamma raft thinking that it will get me some where one day. I hope I won’t be landed back the same where I started! :D

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Re: What's the point?

Postby SarathW » Sat Dec 15, 2012 2:36 am

I am reading a book called The Buddha's Ancient Path by Ven Thera Piyadassi. Page 114 it reads:

A practice of Metta should be on his guard against callous folk who are egocentric. It ofen happens that when a person is gentle and sincere others try to exploit his good qualities for their own ends. This should not be encouraged. If one allows the self-centred to make unfair use of one's metta, kindness and tollarance, that tends to intensify rather than allay the evils and sufferings of society.

"Some serve and consort with one of their own gain,
Hard is it to find disinterested friends
since impure people think only of their own profit,
Walk alone, like the horn of a rhinoceros" Sn75.

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Re: What's the point?

Postby RMHayes » Tue Dec 25, 2012 6:19 am

One possible approach for your consideration would be to be grateful to everyone, without exception.


http://kindredspiritualities.blogspot.c ... ryone.html

metta.

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Re: What's the point?

Postby marc108 » Tue Dec 25, 2012 7:41 am

RMHayes wrote:exception


expectation
"It's easy for us to connect with what's wrong with us... and not so easy to feel into, or to allow us, to connect with what's right and what's good in us."

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nrose619
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Re: What's the point?

Postby nrose619 » Tue Jan 01, 2013 9:01 pm

Thank you everyone, for the replies. :group: I found many of your contributions to be most insightful. RMHayes I appreciate the article on how we should be grateful for the positive things in this life as well as the negative things (that help us to develop patience and mindfulness). SarahW I think it's awesome how you turned an unfortunate circumstance into any opportunity to exercise your compassion for others. Kim, DAWN, cooran (unfortunately the link was broken but thank you regardless),daverupa, david, and any others i missed.. I'm grateful for your compassion towards me :hug: . You are all wonderful :anjali:
"A silver bird
flies over the autumn lake.
When it has passed,
the lake's surface does not try
to hold on to the image of the bird."

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Re: What's the point?

Postby Doshin » Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:12 pm

cooran wrote:
nrose619 wrote:I try being generous and kind and I just get stepped on by people. What's the point in being kind when people will just cut you down? Is there even a meaning to our existence? Sorry for the rant I just had a bad day and could really use some good advice. :cry:

I empathise with your feelings, and would be interested to hear if you find anything of assistance in the following link.:
http://Www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... b1068.html

With metta
Chris


Would that be http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... bl068.html (l, not 1)?

_/\_
Knowing about dhamma, does not imply knowing dhamma

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Re: What's the point?

Postby SDC » Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:46 pm

Some good advice so far.

We should be kind because we see that it is the best way to be. If we are getting discouraged by of the lack of positive responses from people it is because we think we're supposed to get something in return, or we want to get something in return. It would be nice if people appreciated our kindness, but it is not a realistic way to look at the world.

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Re: What's the point?

Postby Yana » Thu Jan 03, 2013 1:23 am

oh i'm sorry you had a bad day. Don't worry about it okay.Every time something unpleasant happens i pretend i have amnesia,it's not worth thinking about. :hug:

Remember that no good done is ever lost,not even a little bit.Think of it as an investment for the future. Every time you do good know that someday,somehow good things will come your way. :smile:
Life is preparing for Death


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