Caught between normal life/ monk life

[Strive4Karuna]

I feel like I have no choice in my life but to become a monk or recluse and dedicate my entire life to meditation. I have suffered greatly in my life, have always wished for a normal life (get a job maybe have a family) but I don't think it is what I was born to do. I am 19 years old but feel younger. I am a little kid inside who suffers from strong anxieties and I'm afraid to leave my family in order to become a monk. Some of you might not understand what I mean about feeling like I have no choice in life but to become a monk or recluse but you just got to trust me on this without asking questions about why I feel that way. Pretty much growing up in Toronto, Canada, dressing the way other kids dress, listening to the same music etc., its hard for me to do a complete 180 in my life from becoming a city slicker to becoming a monk. What should I do?

[Ben]

Greetings Strive4Karuna,
Attend some residential retreats and get established in Dhamma practice in daily life as a lay person first. If after some years of life as a lay person you are still interested in ordaning, then go for it.
with metta,

Ben

[Cittasanto]

Greetings Strive4Karuna,
Attend some residential retreats and get established in Dhamma practice in daily life as a lay person first. If after some years of life as a lay person you are still interested in ordaning, then go for it.
with metta,

Ben

Seconded!

[Alobha]

Greetings Strive4Karuna,
Attend some residential retreats and get established in Dhamma practice in daily life as a lay person first. If after some years of life as a lay person you are still interested in ordaning, then go for it.
with metta,

Ben

Thirded.

[Khalil Bodhi]

I feel like I have no choice in my life but to become a monk or recluse and dedicate my entire life to meditation. I have suffered greatly in my life, have always wished for a normal life (get a job maybe have a family) but I don't think it is what I was born to do. I am 19 years old but feel younger. I am a little kid inside who suffers from strong anxieties and I'm afraid to leave my family in order to become a monk. Some of you might not understand what I mean about feeling like I have no choice in life but to become a monk or recluse but you just got to trust me on this without asking questions about why I feel that way. Pretty much growing up in Toronto, Canada, dressing the way other kids dress, listening to the same music etc., its hard for me to do a complete 180 in my life from becoming a city slicker to becoming a monk. What should I do?

Fourthed. May you find true happiness!

[Yana]

Greetings Strive4Karuna,
Attend some residential retreats and get established in Dhamma practice in daily life as a lay person first. If after some years of life as a lay person you are still interested in ordaning, then go for it.
with metta,

Ben

Fifthed!

[daverupa]

Don't take student loans or buy a car. Work and earn money to attend school if you like, but try to avoid long financial commitments because those can take choices away. Don't have children, or engage in activities which lead to them, for the same reason. Don't start smoking, ditto.

Then, you can relax and find your bliss without a rush.

[Chi]

Greetings Strive4Karuna,
Attend some residential retreats and get established in Dhamma practice in daily life as a lay person first. If after some years of life as a lay person you are still interested in ordaning, then go for it.
with metta,

Ben

Fine. Sixthed.

[David N. Snyder]

Greetings Strive4Karuna,
Attend some residential retreats and get established in Dhamma practice in daily life as a lay person first. If after some years of life as a lay person you are still interested in ordaning, then go for it.
with metta,

Ben

Seventhed!

[Ben]

oh lord, I think I've created a monster!!!!

[plwk]

oh lord, I think I've created a monster!!!!

yes and with my addition, it has 8 heads now

[tanhakhaya]

Here are some links to residential retreat offerings in the Toronto area:

http://www.torana.dhamma.org/
http://www.theravadabuddhistcommunity.org/
http://springrainsangha.com/retreats/multi-day-residential-retreats/

[steve19800]

I feel like I have no choice in my life but to become a monk or recluse and dedicate my entire life to meditation. I have suffered greatly in my life, have always wished for a normal life (get a job maybe have a family) but I don't think it is what I was born to do. I am 19 years old but feel younger. I am a little kid inside who suffers from strong anxieties and I'm afraid to leave my family in order to become a monk. Some of you might not understand what I mean about feeling like I have no choice in life but to become a monk or recluse but you just got to trust me on this without asking questions about why I feel that way. Pretty much growing up in Toronto, Canada, dressing the way other kids dress, listening to the same music etc., its hard for me to do a complete 180 in my life from becoming a city slicker to becoming a monk. What should I do?

I understand your situation. I know there are people who stuck in between, not sure for example they will be able to live a monk's life or just simply not ready yet just like you say separate from family. But at the same time you have the feeling that the lay people's life is not what we want to do, something is missing here.

In my opinion, take your time and you will know which decision is what you think best for you. Don't force yourself, let it flow naturally.
Try to participate in the retreat just like Ben said, 3 days, 10 days up to a month or more than that as you wish. Apart from this, I can assure you that you are not alone, life is a process, sometimes it takes time for things to settle down.

[byronmajor]

Its my Kamma 9th.