THE HEAVENS—Sources close to God reported Thursday that the Creator of the Universe and Author of Our Eternal Salvation suffered a crippling bout of existential dread this week, lying awake all night as He pondered His own immortality...
...Reasoning that He would be able to calm down if He just had something to take His all-knowing mind off everything, God reportedly read 1,000 books and created several million new nebulae, but sources said the Supreme Being’s thoughts inevitably returned to the inescapable fact that He is ultimately trapped for all eternity in the infinite expanse of the cosmos.
-- http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-fr ... g-o,31097/


