Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

[Strive4Karuna]

I realize that a lot of my suffering comes from my judgemental personality. Because of this, I constanly critique others (almost always negatively) and judge myself the same. This has led to a lot of suffering because I sometimes feel I have no love, kindness, compassion for anybody as well as myself. In order to work against this, I have tried to learn to be accepting. To accept what I see as "negative" qualities in others and "negative" qualities In myself. But by taking this approach, is this the right way?? Ultimately I need to work towards overcoming such qualities like arrogance, jealously, self-centredness etc., but as a first step, is it okay to accept these qualities? Accept and "love" these qualities? Because by me telling myself that such "negative" states are "bad", I realize I have spent my entire life telling myself that I am "bad" and others are "bad" and this has caused so much anxiety, insecurity, negative feelings and suffering.

I have thought, well, I will learn to accept myself, good and bad, and after I do so, I will work towards removing the negative qualities. But when I look at it this way, Im still essentially telling myself these qualities are "bad" because how can you accept something you want to get rid of? Sorry to make this go on for so long, but i just realized what my question really is. How do you learn to accept a "negative" quality while still keeping yourself open towards overcoming it? And Sorry for saying myself like a thousand times, cant think of a different word.

[Ben]

Hi S2K
These negative qualities are ephemeral, and transient.
Practice sila, and develop samadhi and panna.
Various forms of vipassana meditation will be good training to see the rise and fall of the phenomenology of thse negative qualities in stark relief. Samatha meditation will help you to develop the sensitivity of mind to observe the more subtle aspects of these mental qualities.
I have also found it beneficial to practice metta bhavana as a means of cultivating good will towards oneself and others.
Wishing you all the best,

Ben

[bodom]

The Buddha never taught acceptance with regard to unwholesome mind states. He taught right effort which is cultivating wholesome mind states to combat the negative. Develop generosity to overcome greed. Develop loving friendliness to overcome hatred. Develop wisdom to overcome delusion.

[retrofuturist]

Greetings,

The Buddha never taught acceptance with regard to unwholesome mind states. He taught right effort which is cultivating wholesome mind states to combat the negative. Develop generosity to overcome greed. Develop loving friendliness to overcome hatred. Develop wisdom to overcome delusion.

The noble ones praise the slaying of anger
-- with its honeyed crest & poison root --
for having killed it you do not grieve.

Metta,
Retro.

[SarathW]

This is how I try to get rid of my negative thoughts.

I remind myself that there is no permanent thing call I. Everything around us are aggregates so they all subject to impermanence. It is natural for the five aggregates to have negative thoughts due to ignorance.
So next time when you have negative though just be aware that it is a negative thoughts. Say “it is not me, it is not mine, it is not myself but they are just negative thoughts”
Then notice how your thoughts are moving from one object to another object. Then realise there is no a person but just the moving consciousness.

This knowledge will help you to develop Brhmaviharas

Metta

[tiltbillings]

Ultimately I need to work towards overcoming such qualities like arrogance, jealously, self-centredness etc., but as a first step, is it okay to accept these qualities?

In as much as it is expected that you should show lovingkindness and compassion towards others, it is a good thing to extend lovingkindness and compassion towards yourself, which means a certain degree of self acceptance. And as you work to deal with the negative stuff, don't be harsh with yourself for your failings. It can be a slow, uncomfortable work, but be kind to yourself.

You may find this book of help: A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life by Jack Kornfield

[waterchan]

How do you learn to accept a "negative" quality while still keeping yourself open towards overcoming it?

The Buddha did not say that "negative" qualities should be either accepted or rejected, merely studied and contemplated.

Your suffering is largely perpetuated by the persistent illusion is the idea that these qualities are "my negative qualities". You experience these negative feelings, but they are not yours.

[retrofuturist]

Greetings Waterchan,

The Buddha did not say that "negative" qualities should be either accepted or rejected, merely studied and contemplated.

How do you account for this, then...?

"And what, monks, is right effort?

[i] "There is the case where a monk generates desire, endeavors, activates persistence, upholds & exerts his intent for the sake of the non-arising of evil, unskillful qualities that have not yet arisen.

[ii] "He generates desire, endeavors, activates persistence, upholds & exerts his intent for the sake of the abandonment of evil, unskillful qualities that have arisen.

[iii] "He generates desire, endeavors, activates persistence, upholds & exerts his intent for the sake of the arising of skillful qualities that have not yet arisen.

[iv] "He generates desire, endeavors, activates persistence, upholds & exerts his intent for the maintenance, non-confusion, increase, plenitude, development, & culmination of skillful qualities that have arisen."

Metta,
Retro.

[waterchan]

Hello retro,

I'm not sure where the conflict lies?

[makarasilapin]

Hello retro,

I'm not sure where the conflict lies?

you don't just study and contemplate them - after you have determined that they are "negative" qualities of mind you fabricate skillful qualities in their stead, some of which are categorical like virtue.

[waterchan]

I meant that I don't see where the conflict lies between the tanha in the OP's powerful desire to be rid of his negative emotions and the chanda generated through samma vayama.

One is motivated by disgust while the other is discerned.

[retrofuturist]

Greetings,

you don't just study and contemplate them - after you have determined that they are "negative" qualities of mind you fabricate skillful qualities in their stead

Right. It's not "merely stud[y] and contemplat[ion]"

Metta,
Retro.

[waterchan]

You're both correct. "Merely" was a bad word to use there.

[Strive4Karuna]

The Buddha never taught acceptance with regard to unwholesome mind states. He taught right effort which is cultivating wholesome mind states to combat the negative. Develop generosity to overcome greed. Develop loving friendliness to overcome hatred. Develop wisdom to overcome delusion.

But the Buddha also taught metta & karuna. Isnt acceptance a way of extending love? As long as I look at my self and others in disdain because of our shortcomings and unwholesome states, It will be difficult to show love and compassion towards everybody, myself included.

[daverupa]

It will be difficult to show love and compassion towards everybody, myself included.

One protects oneself, in this sense, via satipatthana & not the brahmaviharas.

[FatDaddy]

It will be difficult to show love and compassion towards everybody, myself included.

One protects oneself, in this sense, via satipatthana & not the brahmaviharas.

I thought of Satipatthana as well.

3. The Contemplation of Consciousness
"And how, O bhikkhus, does a bhikkhu live contemplating consciousness in consciousness?

"Here, O bhikkhus, a bhikkhu understands the consciousness with lust, as with lust; the consciousness without lust, as without lust; the consciousness with hate, as with hate; the consciousness without hate, as without hate; the consciousness with ignorance, as with ignorance; the consciousness without ignorance, as without ignorance; the shrunken state of consciousness, as the shrunken state; the distracted state of consciousness, as the distracted state; the state of consciousness become great, as the state become great; the state of consciousness not become great, as the state not become great; the state of consciousness with some other mental state superior to it, as the state with something mentally higher; the state of consciousness with no other mental state superior to it, as the state with nothing mentally higher; the quieted state of consciousness, as the quieted state; the state of consciousness not quieted, as the state not quieted; the freed state of consciousness as freed; and the unfreed state of consciousness, as unfreed.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... wayof.html

[tiltbillings]

It will be difficult to show love and compassion towards everybody, myself included.

One protects oneself, in this sense, via satipatthana & not the brahmaviharas.

I thought of Satipatthana as well.

3. The Contemplation of Consciousness
"And how, O bhikkhus, does a bhikkhu live contemplating consciousness in consciousness?

"Here, O bhikkhus, a bhikkhu understands the consciousness with lust, as with lust; the consciousness without lust, as without lust; the consciousness with hate, as with hate; the consciousness without hate, as without hate; the consciousness with ignorance, as with ignorance; the consciousness without ignorance, as without ignorance; the shrunken state of consciousness, as the shrunken state; the distracted state of consciousness, as the distracted state; the state of consciousness become great, as the state become great; the state of consciousness not become great, as the state not become great; the state of consciousness with some other mental state superior to it, as the state with something mentally higher; the state of consciousness with no other mental state superior to it, as the state with nothing mentally higher; the quieted state of consciousness, as the quieted state; the state of consciousness not quieted, as the state not quieted; the freed state of consciousness as freed; and the unfreed state of consciousness, as unfreed.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... wayof.html

"'I shall protect myself,' in that way the foundations of mindfulness should be practiced. 'I shall protect others,' in that way the foundations of mindfulness should be practiced. Protecting oneself one protects others; protecting others one protects oneself. And how does one, in protecting oneself, protect others? By the repeated and frequent practice of meditation. And how does one, in protecting others, protect oneself? By patience and forbearance, by a non-violent and harmless life, by compassion and loving kindness." -- S 52,8

The Buddha never taught acceptance with regard to unwholesome mind states. He taught right effort which is cultivating wholesome mind states to combat the negative. Develop generosity to overcome greed. Develop loving friendliness to overcome hatred. Develop wisdom to overcome delusion.

The danger is, of course, of getting into very strong -- and very subtle -- states of aversion because of, and in regards to, one's negative mind states, wanting them gone, feeling badly about oneself because they are there, thinking that this is the way of the Dhamma.

"Here, O bhikkhus, a bhikkhu understands the consciousness with lust, as with lust; the consciousness without lust, as without lust; the consciousness with hate, as with hate . . . ." So, the question is can this be done without getting into a struggle with these mind states, without generating aversion?

[polarbuddha101]

"Here, O bhikkhus, a bhikkhu understands the consciousness with lust, as with lust; the consciousness without lust, as without lust; the consciousness with hate, as with hate . . . ." So, the question is can this be done without getting into a struggle with these mind states, without generating aversion?

I would like to think so, the idea of gaining wisdom in this teaching or seeing things as they really are (from my understanding) naturally results in disenchantment, dispassion and relinquishment. But I also think sometimes it can be useful to generate a little aversion to unwholesome states and qualities before one has really seen enough drawbacks to induce dispassion because otherwise one would be more likely to commit unskillful actions. Shame is something to use in buddhism and it certainly carries connotations of aversion within it. But aversion needs to be curbed with the realization that one needs to understand unwholesome states and qualities if they really want to be able to let them go for good.

[porpoise]

"Here, O bhikkhus, a bhikkhu understands the consciousness with lust, as with lust; the consciousness without lust, as without lust; the consciousness with hate, as with hate . . . ." So, the question is can this be done without getting into a struggle with these mind states, without generating aversion?

I think in practice it's a juggling act. On the one hand an acceptance and understanding of ones unwholesome mind-states, on the other hand not indulging or perpetuating those states, recognising that they are transitory and that one is not defined by them.

[tiltbillings]

"Here, O bhikkhus, a bhikkhu understands the consciousness with lust, as with lust; the consciousness without lust, as without lust; the consciousness with hate, as with hate . . . ." So, the question is can this be done without getting into a struggle with these mind states, without generating aversion?

I think in practice it's a juggling act. On the one hand an acceptance and understanding of ones unwholesome mind-states, on the other hand not indulging or perpetuating those states, recognising that they are transitory and that one is not defined by them.

I agree with this, and -- like everything with the Dhamma -- it takes work.