being nicer on here

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Re: being nicer on here

Postby SDC » Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Sadge wrote:SDC, post count and join time on an Internet forum have nothing to do with how much you know and have experienced the Dhamma.


Haha! Please calibrate your sarcasm meter. I thought I made it obvious that I was making a joke. Wow.
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Sadge » Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:23 pm

Oh no! Sorry! Damn Internet, I just did not get that! Fail.
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby reflection » Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:37 pm

Haha, that's the limitations of internet communication right there. :heart:
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby SDC » Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:02 pm

Sadge wrote:Oh no! Sorry! Damn Internet, I just did not get that! Fail.


No worries. Serves me right for being obnoxious.
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby BlackBird » Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:48 pm

reflection wrote:Haha, that's the limitations of internet communication right there. :heart:


Too true. :goodpost:
"For a disciple who has conviction in the Teacher's message & lives to penetrate it, what accords with the Dhamma is this:
'The Blessed One is the Teacher, I am a disciple. He is the one who knows, not I." - MN. 70 Kitagiri Sutta
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Reductor » Tue Apr 16, 2013 2:48 am

BuddhaSoup wrote:It's interesting to me, being a member on both Dhamma Wheel and Dharma Wheel the difference in tone at times, between the two. I enjoy and respect both tremendously. I have my own thoughts as to why there may be differences in tone, having studied/practiced in both Dhamma and Dharma. I still come back to the idea of trying to maintain Metta (goodwill) and an effort at right speech, with others. I'm guilty of being snarky at times, and for that I'm not always pleased with my performance. It's always my hope that new folks come to these forums and find a welcoming environment, just as out Hindu friend arrived today seeking input. I'd hate to think that someone new came to DW seeking advice, counsel or a kalyana mitta and met a nasty exchange over anatta. :)


I don't use Dharmawheel. Is it a friendlier place, overall?

If it is, that's interesting. Is the tone affected by the wider net that is cast, which includes many Buddhist schools/branches?

As to new members being hammered on 'anatta': I've seen that happen. (and think I might even be guilty of doing that myself :( )
Michael

The thoughts I've expressed in the above post are carefully considered and offered in good faith.

And friendliness towards the world is happiness for him who is forbearing with living beings. -- Ud. 2:1
To his own ruin the fool gains knowledge, for it cleaves his head and destroys his innate goodness. -- Dhp 72

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Re: being nicer on here

Postby binocular » Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:13 am

Reductor wrote:As to new members being hammered on 'anatta'


It's strange that this should be such a disputed topic; and that otherwise perfectly nice and lovely people can turn really mean once they start talking about anatta ...

:alien:
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Reductor » Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:56 am

binocular wrote:
Reductor wrote:As to new members being hammered on 'anatta'


It's strange that this should be such a disputed topic; and that otherwise perfectly nice and lovely people can turn really mean once they start talking about anatta ...

:alien:


For many Theravadins, anatta is the teaching that sets this school apart from all the rest, so of course those that fail to respect it will be ridden hard.

That doesn't mean they should be, though.
Michael

The thoughts I've expressed in the above post are carefully considered and offered in good faith.

And friendliness towards the world is happiness for him who is forbearing with living beings. -- Ud. 2:1
To his own ruin the fool gains knowledge, for it cleaves his head and destroys his innate goodness. -- Dhp 72

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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Doshin » Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:16 am

reflection wrote:Haha, that's the limitations of internet communication right there. :heart:

Indeed.

While reflecting on the subject, I started to think about when/how a post gets not-nice.
- the poster intentionally want to write a rude/not-nice post
- the poster is unaware that his/her writing comes out rude/not-nice
- the reader misread the posting, and reads it as rude/not-nice

I almost never see examples ( that could be one of my delusion ;) ) on the first. I think one of the other options is most likely; try to confront the writer, that one think is not-nice, and you would most likely get a apologetic reply, stating that that was not the intention.

If one builds a delusion, that a topic is rude, hence the poster is rude, one has planted a seed for own dukkha. Off course there is a (small) chance that the writer wants to be rude, and hurt others; those writings/people I would silently ignore, and include them in my metta, as they have to live with the bad khamma they build for them self.

Just some thoughts from my contemplations, I will continue to "measure" the topic in regards to hate/greed/delusion and their sources...

_/\_
Knowing about dhamma, does not imply knowing dhamma
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Spiny Norman » Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:01 am

alan... wrote:... i've also seen a lot of people join who seem to get ripped up by old heads when they have a differing opinion or are simply incorrect on a topic or statement, then they seem to disappear shortly thereafter.


Yes, I see this happen from time to time on Buddhist forums, and it's a shame that newbies are sometimes put off. On the plus side there are a number of different Buddhist forums and I think most people find one where they feel at home.
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby binocular » Tue Apr 16, 2013 12:32 pm

Reductor wrote:For many Theravadins, anatta is the teaching that sets this school apart from all the rest, so of course those that fail to respect it will be ridden hard.


That could be a reason.

But my thinking goes more along the lines of understanding the practical implications of one's stance on anatta, esp. if this understanding is that anatta means that there is no self, ultimately.
It can get really bizarre when someone argues that there is no self, but then gets really personally upset over people who question the idea that there is no self, and then personally criticizes those people (along with calling them names) ...
:shock:
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby yawares » Tue Apr 16, 2013 12:36 pm

Dear Members,

Put A Little Love In Your Heart :heart: : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHbRvywasJ0

Don't Be Mad At Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImB7Vavc8Fc

:heart: yawares/tidathep :heart:
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby manas » Wed Apr 17, 2013 3:36 am

hi/all/bear/with/me/i/need/a/new/keyboard/space/bar/broken...

i/recall/recently/reading/or/hearing/something/about/this:

some/respond/best/to/gentleness
some/respond/best/to/firmness
some/respond/best/to/a/mixture/of/gentleness/and/firmness

i/dont/believe/the/buddha/was/hard/on/every/single/student
neither/should/we/expect/that/everyone/ought/to/have/a/thick/enough/skin/to/
deal/with/harsh/words/right/from/the/start

we/ought/to/be/sensitive/to/the/differing/natures/of/different/individuals/
and/train/them/accordingly/imho
if/we/treat/everyone/the/same/way/there/is/a/risk/we/will/lose/thinner/skinned/individuals
who/if/we/had/exercised/more/care/with/initially/(comma)/might/have/persevered
and/not/gone/away/due/to/hurt/feelings

those/thinner/skinned/newbies/(comma)/as/they/grow/in/the/dhamma/(comma)
will/eventually/become/tougher/also
but/initially/some/gentleness/is/appropriate/with/them/imho

metta
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Sarnath » Wed Apr 17, 2013 4:32 am

Namaste

As a new member, I notice everything as an impression.

Manas use of the KEYBOARD is Praiseworthy!

Also, I see the love living in the post of the female member just previous to Manas.

This example of both gives a "newbie" such as me comfort to continue seeking.

In your service ....
Caste System is Not Karma, it is Man Made
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby binocular » Wed Apr 17, 2013 5:10 am

manas wrote:i/recall/recently/reading/or/hearing/something/about/this:

some/respond/best/to/gentleness
some/respond/best/to/firmness
some/respond/best/to/a/mixture/of/gentleness/and/firmness


There's also the fact that some people are simply deeply attached to their particular didactic model.
For example, some people believe that the only way to instruct others is by speaking harshly to them, or by yelling at them, or by even beating them. They either cannot imagine another way of instructing others, or they believe that no other way can be effective; or they just get a boost out of treating others harshly.


if/we/treat/everyone/the/same/way/there/is/a/risk/we/will/lose/thinner/skinned/individuals
who/if/we/had/exercised/more/care/with/initially/(comma)/might/have/persevered
and/not/gone/away/due/to/hurt/feelings


Well, "thin skin" and "hurt feelings" are sometimes just manifestations of pride, and lack of faith.
I think that people who are really interested will stick around, even if this means enduring some harsh treatment.
And as for those who aren't really interested - perhaps it's better that they go away.
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Reductor » Wed Apr 17, 2013 5:24 am

binocular wrote:Well, "thin skin" and "hurt feelings" are sometimes just manifestations of pride, and lack of faith.
I think that people who are really interested will stick around, even if this means enduring some harsh treatment.
And as for those who aren't really interested - perhaps it's better that they go away.


:goodpost:

I think too many people think they want to know something about Buddhism, or about Theravada, and so seek out a forum first when really they should check out a book from the library, or read some articles. Then they could ask better informed and more relevant questions when they do come here, and avoid a smack down by those of us lacking the delicate touch.

That is, they should have enough interest to make a start on their own. I doubt then that they'd be so easily turned away from Theravada by a bunch of strangers on Dhammawheel, although they might go somewhere else that suits them better.
Michael

The thoughts I've expressed in the above post are carefully considered and offered in good faith.

And friendliness towards the world is happiness for him who is forbearing with living beings. -- Ud. 2:1
To his own ruin the fool gains knowledge, for it cleaves his head and destroys his innate goodness. -- Dhp 72

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Re: being nicer on here

Postby SamKR » Wed Apr 17, 2013 5:34 am

Being nicer is good; setting an example is good though it may not always be easy (especially online). These days people search online before getting any book. It's better that whoever comes here to DhammaWheel see people talking nicely -- not to show that we Buddhists are so nice, but simply not to scare them off -- so that they may try to learn deep deep teachings of the Buddha for their own good. I agree with you alan..., and your post is definitely not stupid but very relevant. The Buddha's great teachings are astoundingly accurate, and we do not need to sound rude to tell that to someone else.
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby manas » Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:44 am

binocular wrote:Well, "thin skin" and "hurt feelings" are sometimes just manifestations of pride, and lack of faith.


sometimes
but/then/again/we/are/dealing/with/uninstructed/people
of/course/they/will/have/pride
and/knowing/nothing/as/yet/of/dhamma/they/cant/be/expected
to/have/any/faith/as/yet

binocular wrote:I think that people who are really interested will stick around, even if this means enduring some harsh treatment.


maybe
but/i/still/dont/see/why/they/should/be/made/to/endure/that

any/other/religious/site/to/my/knowledge
would/make/a/point/of/and/even/go/out/of/their/way
to/make/totally/new/people/feel/valued/and/safe
even/if/they/ask/questions/or/make/statements
that/seem/silly/to/us
even/if/out/of/ignorance
they/initially/breached/etiquette/that/is/well/known/to/us
but/totally/unknown/to/them
since/they/have/only/just/encountered/buddhism/and/theravada
possibly/in/the/last/five/minutes/before/joining

(edit)/im/not/suggesting/that/we/are/not/welcoming/in/our/manner
im/referring/only/to/those/instances/where/we/could/have/done/better/perhaps
but/on/the/whole/of/course/we/are
well/behaved/most/of/the/time :smile:

but/i/think/we/ought/to/restrain/our/own/pride/sometimes
hold/our/tongue/unless/our/motivation/is/purely/one/of/goodwill
and/be/more/patient/with/newcomers
whose/first/experience/of/dialogue/with/buddhists
could/well/be/in/this/site

binocular wrote:And as for those who aren't really interested - perhaps it's better that they go away.


sounds/reasonable/enough
although/it/would/still/be/a/pity/imo/if/they/felt/driven/away/by/harsh/words

anyway/i/guess/all/of/us/here
have/our/own/style
when/it/comes/to/sharing
the/buddha/dhamma
with/others

metta
Last edited by manas on Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Spiny Norman » Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:02 am

SamKR wrote:Being nicer is good; setting an example is good though it may not always be easy (especially online).


Good point here about setting an example. It is important.
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby tiltbillings » Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:07 am

manas wrote:
maybe
but/i/still/dont/see/why/they/should/be/made/to/endure/that
If you have a complaint about how some one is being treated here, use the "report" function and/or leave a PM with a mod or admin. Both these actions get quick and appropriate responses. Your characterization here of this forum is not quite accurate, but simply become the change you want to see, which could start in this very thread.
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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