alan wrote:The best way to be nice is to speak directly to the point.
No it's not. Speaking directly to the point might help in many circumstances, but in others it just hurts people's feelings and leaves them dejected.
The Buddha could do it with compassion, because he knew the mind of the interloper, and he knew that it was the most effective method of teaching him.
None of us have the Buddha's knowledge.
If you can honestly tell me that every time you've been curt and snappy to someone you've done so with a mind full of compassion then the only thing I can say is that I disagree with the method, but I highly doubt it. More likely is that often when these kind of responses come up, it's because we have an unwholesome frame of mind.
Niceness is good, but understanding is better. If everyone cloaked themselves in a veil of niceness, we'd be like an Asian society, where you just can't figure out what people really mean, because they are always smiling.
This isn't a monastery or a meditation retreat, its a forum. In forums, we exchange ideas, thoughts and opinions.
I find it amusing that you and others somehow assume that if we're going to be nice and pay attention to the feelings of others, that that will somehow mean the end of debate and discussion. That not being irate and snappy at people all will somehow result in the extreme of an East Asian society. There's a difference between speaking frankly and doing so in a way that blatantly disregards the feelings of others. Alan, I like you as a person, we agree on a lot of things, but not this. Here I think you're dead wrong, and this is a case in point of me completely disagreeing with you without being a dick about it.
This isn't a monastery or a meditation retreat, I am quite aware of this fact. I am also aware that this is a forum, and in case you
haven't noticed - We are
exchanging ideas, thoughts and opinions. And whats more, there's disagreement. But it doesn't have to turn septic. It can and should be amicable. Because if it's anything other than that - Then according to the Buddha in the simile of the saw, we're not practicing his teachings.
Hope you have a good day