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being nicer on here - Page 4 - Dhamma Wheel

being nicer on here

Tell us how you think the forum can be improved. We will listen.
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Cittasanto
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Apr 18, 2013 10:28 am

Hi Jack,
Couple of questions for you if you don't mind.
When did "directly to the point" equate to "curt" "snappy" or "irate"?
and
how is being "direct to the point" being a "dick"?


He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

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yawares
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby yawares » Thu Apr 18, 2013 12:22 pm


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Bhikkhu Pesala
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Bhikkhu Pesala » Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:01 pm

• • • • (Upasampadā: 24th June, 1979)

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yawares
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby yawares » Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:30 pm


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kirk5a
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby kirk5a » Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:47 pm

"When one thing is practiced & pursued, ignorance is abandoned, clear knowing arises, the conceit 'I am' is abandoned, latent tendencies are uprooted, fetters are abandoned. Which one thing? Mindfulness immersed in the body." -AN 1.230

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Bhikkhu Pesala
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Bhikkhu Pesala » Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:55 pm

If you distrust his motives, then avoid further contact with him. Only the monk himself can know his own motivations, or whether he broke any Vinaya rule, but I cannot think of a valid reason for emailing a love song to a female lay supporter.

Mettā is good, but it can easily turn to rāga if one is not careful.

The Buddha did not approve of monks chanting in a way that would distract the listeners from the meaning and get attached to the sound. Some ladies might also get lustfully attracted to monks who have a soft and pleasing voice.
• • • • (Upasampadā: 24th June, 1979)

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yawares
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby yawares » Thu Apr 18, 2013 2:12 pm


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BlackBird
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby BlackBird » Thu Apr 18, 2013 2:17 pm

"For a disciple who has conviction in the Teacher's message & lives to penetrate it, what accords with the Dhamma is this:
'The Blessed One is the Teacher, I am a disciple. He is the one who knows, not I." -

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Dan74
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Dan74 » Thu Apr 18, 2013 2:44 pm

A point that doesn't seem to have been mentioned is that our mental image of the poster will colour the words in a very significant way. So for instance if I have a positive image of a poster as a kindly wise older person, those short replies will sound like having been spoken with a gentle wink and come across is a positive well-intentioned manner. But if the image is of an arrogant and superior snob, the same words may sound sarcastic and rude.

Even someone new to the forum will hold images depending on their expectations.

This is all in addition to cultural variations in what is acceptable friendly forthrightness and what is unceremonious and rude.
_/|\_

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Ben
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Ben » Thu Apr 18, 2013 3:03 pm

“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

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Cittasanto
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Apr 18, 2013 5:57 pm

Hi Jack,
I am sorry but your initial sentence did indicate some form of connection being implied in the first half (which is where you use curt and not irate). Although yes you do say something in the second that does not agree so there was a lack of clarity in what I was reading. Hence asking questions instead of arguing a point, as I could not see how you were arguing against being direct and to the point (as opposed to pointed).

I also could not see how alan was responding directly to you in his first and only response in the thread.


He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

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Cittasanto
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Apr 18, 2013 6:19 pm



He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

binocular
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby binocular » Thu Apr 18, 2013 7:02 pm


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BlackBird
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby BlackBird » Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:35 pm

"For a disciple who has conviction in the Teacher's message & lives to penetrate it, what accords with the Dhamma is this:
'The Blessed One is the Teacher, I am a disciple. He is the one who knows, not I." -

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Nyorai
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Nyorai » Fri Apr 19, 2013 7:49 am

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.”

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”

“As rain falls equally on the just and the unjust, do not burden your heart with judgements but rain your kindness equally on all. ”
― Gautama Buddha
:toast:
ImageTo become vegetarian is to step into the stream which leads to nirvana.
If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path. He who experiences the unity of life sees his own Self in all beings, and all beings in his own Self.Image

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Cittasanto
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Cittasanto » Fri Apr 19, 2013 10:05 am



He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

alan
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby alan » Fri Apr 19, 2013 4:15 pm

Hi Jack. You know I respect you.
I have a snappy mind, which produces direct points. I like to get directly to the heart of the matter.

With respect, I will repeat that this is a discussion forum--not a virtual meditation retreat. The purpose is to exchange ideas. Best way to do that, in my opinion, is to be direct.

Buckwheat
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby Buckwheat » Fri Apr 19, 2013 6:45 pm

Speak only if it is true, beneficial, and timely / done with respect. There is nothing wrong with being direct and to the point, but it is often used an an excuse for harsh speech. Often the most powerful argument shows great restraint.
Sotthī hontu nirantaraṃ - May you forever be well.

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yawares
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby yawares » Fri Apr 19, 2013 9:36 pm


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BlackBird
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Re: being nicer on here

Postby BlackBird » Fri Apr 19, 2013 11:37 pm

Last edited by BlackBird on Fri Apr 19, 2013 11:49 pm, edited 6 times in total.
"For a disciple who has conviction in the Teacher's message & lives to penetrate it, what accords with the Dhamma is this:
'The Blessed One is the Teacher, I am a disciple. He is the one who knows, not I." -


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